Redemption
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Clues"One Man's Return From Hell
29 total reviews
Comment from Gungalo
Ohhh this is a great chapter. I love all the discussion going on especially near the end and in the morgue. There's a lot of great science behind autopsies and yet some evidence gathered is so simple to get. Amazing a shell retrieved from a brain cavity can still bear a fingerprint!
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2010
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Ohhh this is a great chapter. I love all the discussion going on especially near the end and in the morgue. There's a lot of great science behind autopsies and yet some evidence gathered is so simple to get. Amazing a shell retrieved from a brain cavity can still bear a fingerprint!
Comment Written 05-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2010
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Thanks for reading and following this story. The shell casing was one found on the scene in the previous chapter. Only the two bullet slugs came from the brain. Regards, Bill
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Ohhhh, I gotcha. Thanks Bill. My pleasure to read.
Comment from sk42rn
Good writing. Enjoyed this story since you started it and the evidence of the shell casing. Alot like CSI and Burn Notice. Nothing to comment with regards to spags. I just wish the story could go a little faster.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2010
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Good writing. Enjoyed this story since you started it and the evidence of the shell casing. Alot like CSI and Burn Notice. Nothing to comment with regards to spags. I just wish the story could go a little faster.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2010
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Thanks for reading and following the story. I promise that starting with the next chapter, it is going to go a lot faster! Regards, Bill
Comment from c_lucas
It seems like progress is being made. Things are coming together. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. Good job.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2010
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It seems like progress is being made. Things are coming together. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. Good job.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2010
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Thank you Charlie - I always appreciate your support. Regards, Bill
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You're welcome, Bill. Charlie
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Oh yes, the dreaded print. I can't wait. I think Dax need to join the Task Force.
With a malevolent glare, Enrique responded, "because you dumb shit, I loaded those rounds myself. My finger print could be on that cartridge." (If you want to use Because, it needs to be capitalized. I would just start it with You.)
Leaping up so fast that he knocked the chair down, Jorge closed the distance between himself and Enrique. During that movement, his hand came forward with the distinct clicking sound of a flick knife. Stopping the knife just millimeters from Enrique's right eye, he bellowed, "Go ahead, killer man, call me a dumb shit again." (In this paragraph you started all three sentences with an 'ing' word. That takes away from the strength of the sentence. How about the first sentence being, Jorge leapedup so fast he knocked the chair down and closed the distance between himself and Enrique.)
It bothers me that it was left behind. (remove the that)
Beth took the copies and asked, "Would you please take the original over to the Sheriff's office. If Jimmy is there, please hand them to him. (Two paragraphs down you used asked, so drop this one, Beth took the copies. is perfect.)
what have I gotten myself in to? (capital 'w' on what)
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2010
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Oh yes, the dreaded print. I can't wait. I think Dax need to join the Task Force.
With a malevolent glare, Enrique responded, "because you dumb shit, I loaded those rounds myself. My finger print could be on that cartridge." (If you want to use Because, it needs to be capitalized. I would just start it with You.)
Leaping up so fast that he knocked the chair down, Jorge closed the distance between himself and Enrique. During that movement, his hand came forward with the distinct clicking sound of a flick knife. Stopping the knife just millimeters from Enrique's right eye, he bellowed, "Go ahead, killer man, call me a dumb shit again." (In this paragraph you started all three sentences with an 'ing' word. That takes away from the strength of the sentence. How about the first sentence being, Jorge leapedup so fast he knocked the chair down and closed the distance between himself and Enrique.)
It bothers me that it was left behind. (remove the that)
Beth took the copies and asked, "Would you please take the original over to the Sheriff's office. If Jimmy is there, please hand them to him. (Two paragraphs down you used asked, so drop this one, Beth took the copies. is perfect.)
what have I gotten myself in to? (capital 'w' on what)
Comment Written 05-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2010
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Barbara - thank you very much for your willingness (always) to help. Warm regards, Bill
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It's easy to help someone who appreciates it.
Comment from RebelRose
["]Cindy, I don't think you heard (opening quotation marks left off here) Paul Budreaux [,] comma not needed here
Those two guys in the first part of this are some tuff, mean dudes. This drug cartel in Mexico is a bad thing. I have been hearing a lot about it on the news. You're doing a good job describing them like I am sure they are.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2010
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["]Cindy, I don't think you heard (opening quotation marks left off here) Paul Budreaux [,] comma not needed here
Those two guys in the first part of this are some tuff, mean dudes. This drug cartel in Mexico is a bad thing. I have been hearing a lot about it on the news. You're doing a good job describing them like I am sure they are.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2010
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Thanks Patty - I very much appreciate you following this story and for your support. I will take a look at those areas!
Comment from sizemore0409
I very much enjoyed reading this story-segment. I found the story-line to be compelling, and the flow was velvety smooth. The characters and their dialogue were well-constructed. The segment leaves the reader with the desire to read MORE. My thanks to the author for an interesting and enjoyable reading-experience.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2010
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I very much enjoyed reading this story-segment. I found the story-line to be compelling, and the flow was velvety smooth. The characters and their dialogue were well-constructed. The segment leaves the reader with the desire to read MORE. My thanks to the author for an interesting and enjoyable reading-experience.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2010
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Thank you very much for reading and for your kind and generous feedback.
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You're very welcome! By the way, as i was reading your work, taking note of the writing-style with its drama and touch of darkness, it occurred to me that you might in turn enjoy my latest short story: A BRIEF GLIMPSE BEHIND THE VEIL. If you happen to find both the time and the inclination, i would love to see what you think of it!
Comment from markk
Excellently written and a good exciting story line with a lot of action going on and lots of suspense. Enjoyable to read and very entertaining. well done.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2010
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Excellently written and a good exciting story line with a lot of action going on and lots of suspense. Enjoyable to read and very entertaining. well done.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2010
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Thanks Mark - I appreciate you stopping by and for your kind comments.
Comment from Carolyn Hilliard
Great job. No typos, read smoothly. You showed us why Jorge did find the bullet casing. I enjoyed reading the chapter and look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2010
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Great job. No typos, read smoothly. You showed us why Jorge did find the bullet casing. I enjoyed reading the chapter and look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2010
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Thanks for reading and your great feedback. Regards, Bill
Comment from Paula Andrea Pyle
Great convincing dialogue.When a mystery is involved, the reader immediately is drawn into the scene so as to identify with the character of either good or bad intent. I found this writing to draw me in quite effectively.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2010
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Great convincing dialogue.When a mystery is involved, the reader immediately is drawn into the scene so as to identify with the character of either good or bad intent. I found this writing to draw me in quite effectively.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2010
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Your comments are much appreciated! Regards, Bill
