Redemption
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Clues"One Man's Return From Hell
29 total reviews
Comment from livingwords
I continue to admire your work. Your writing skills are perfect, from my imperfect world. Great idea, which I notice you do consistently is your cast of characters. I with all books would include this concept. Good story concept, and dialogue. Dan :))
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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I continue to admire your work. Your writing skills are perfect, from my imperfect world. Great idea, which I notice you do consistently is your cast of characters. I with all books would include this concept. Good story concept, and dialogue. Dan :))
Comment Written 07-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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Thanks very much Dan. This is a learning process for me as well. I've always written stand alone stories, so this has been interesting! Regards, Bill
Comment from Magic Wand
Ooh, I'm liking this. The bad guys are done for. I like it when the bad guys screw up and show they aren't as smart as they think. Your characters are developed nicely, the dialog is natural, and the story is interesting. Good job.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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Ooh, I'm liking this. The bad guys are done for. I like it when the bad guys screw up and show they aren't as smart as they think. Your characters are developed nicely, the dialog is natural, and the story is interesting. Good job.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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Thanks for reading and your continued support of the story. Regards, Bill
Comment from dportwood
Bill,
This is a most interesting and engaging story. The action, dialogue, strong narrative, and character develop are all excellent.
YOu may wish to edit this:
hide their faces, [lead] me to believe that they
should be [led]
Duane
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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Bill,
This is a most interesting and engaging story. The action, dialogue, strong narrative, and character develop are all excellent.
YOu may wish to edit this:
hide their faces, [lead] me to believe that they
should be [led]
Duane
Comment Written 06-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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Thanks for reading Duane and the spot. It doesn't seem to matter how thorough I edit, something slips. Regards, Bill
Comment from Isaiah Ramesses
Your characters are realistic enough--especially Enrique and Jorge. That scene was intense. As for the law officials, their easy enough to characterize with all the crime drama novels, movies, and tv series. Great job, Bill.
Isaiah
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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Your characters are realistic enough--especially Enrique and Jorge. That scene was intense. As for the law officials, their easy enough to characterize with all the crime drama novels, movies, and tv series. Great job, Bill.
Isaiah
Comment Written 06-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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Thank you very much for reading and for your feedback. Regards, Bill
Comment from Rachel Bailey
This is very good and I love the fact that I feel like I'm in the story. A part of it. Great Job and keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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This is very good and I love the fact that I feel like I'm in the story. A part of it. Great Job and keep up the good work.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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Thanks Rachel - If I'm able to pull you in, I must be doing something right! Regards, Bill
Comment from fictionwriter
Great little chapter. I loved the detail on the drug cartel and the way the two drug dealers treated each other, very real. Well done.
The two left( I would split this into two sentences making it smoother reading) and Beth sat at her desk and thumbed through the copies
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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Great little chapter. I loved the detail on the drug cartel and the way the two drug dealers treated each other, very real. Well done.
The two left( I would split this into two sentences making it smoother reading) and Beth sat at her desk and thumbed through the copies
Comment Written 06-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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Thank you very much for reading and for your kind and generous feedback. I'll circle back around for your spot. I'm all for short crisp sentence structure. Regards, Bill
Comment from Rama Rao
An excellent story which is racing like a fast train. It made absorbing reading right until the last word.
However, I think the following nits merit your attention.
It would not have surprised him if the bastard pulled the trigger-had pulled?
You two write up what you have and I'm going to work on the folder- a comma before and?
The two left and Beth sat at her desk - a comma before and?
they aren't too corrupted.-weren't?
He then took one of the bullets off and one by one, placed a bullet -confusing.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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An excellent story which is racing like a fast train. It made absorbing reading right until the last word.
However, I think the following nits merit your attention.
It would not have surprised him if the bastard pulled the trigger-had pulled?
You two write up what you have and I'm going to work on the folder- a comma before and?
The two left and Beth sat at her desk - a comma before and?
they aren't too corrupted.-weren't?
He then took one of the bullets off and one by one, placed a bullet -confusing.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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Thank you very much for reading and the fine tuning input. I appreciate you following the story. Regards, Bill
Comment from Connie P
Great chapter with only a few minor corrections needed. I haven't read the previous chapters but enjoyed this one very much.
Note:
·Beth took the copies. "Would you please take the original over to the Sheriff's office. **(?)
·* They knew I recognized them, so the fact that they didn't try to hide there**(their) faces, lead me to believe that they were probably going to kill me."
* While not original, it was none the less**(nonetheless), disturbing
Connie
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2010
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Great chapter with only a few minor corrections needed. I haven't read the previous chapters but enjoyed this one very much.
Note:
·Beth took the copies. "Would you please take the original over to the Sheriff's office. **(?)
·* They knew I recognized them, so the fact that they didn't try to hide there**(their) faces, lead me to believe that they were probably going to kill me."
* While not original, it was none the less**(nonetheless), disturbing
Connie
Comment Written 06-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2010
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Thank you for reading. I'll circle back around for corrections. If you ever have a few minutes, chapter one is an introduction and chapter two a lenghty back story about Dax. Regards, Bill
Comment from R. K. Alan
I enjoyed the way you managed to move from the thugs to the reporters to the investigators. Nice done. Good hold on the action as well. Ray aka krylon
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2010
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I enjoyed the way you managed to move from the thugs to the reporters to the investigators. Nice done. Good hold on the action as well. Ray aka krylon
Comment Written 06-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2010
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Thanks for reading Ray and for your support of the story! Regards, Bill
Comment from Fritz-Lorenz
I read a lot of mysteries of various sort, and there is something missing in this. Not sexual, not prime characters,
more like it seems, a story line. I had trouble keeping my
interest up, and struggled a bit to hang on through. Needs targeting toward a climax, or maybe several, building up to
the prime. What say? Can you establish links to form that?
Tie things together better perhaps?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2010
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I read a lot of mysteries of various sort, and there is something missing in this. Not sexual, not prime characters,
more like it seems, a story line. I had trouble keeping my
interest up, and struggled a bit to hang on through. Needs targeting toward a climax, or maybe several, building up to
the prime. What say? Can you establish links to form that?
Tie things together better perhaps?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2010
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Hi Fritz - thanks for reading. I understand what you are saying, but this is basically a chapter in a book. Certainly, a stand alone story would have all you ask about. I would hope that the book, viewed in its entirety would have that.
