Redemption
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Clues"One Man's Return From Hell
29 total reviews
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Interesting developments. I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes. Will a fingerprint survive a fire (oil melts) or was it found elsewhere? I need to go back and start at the beginning. I'll be back (to use another over done piece of dialog).
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2010
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Interesting developments. I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes. Will a fingerprint survive a fire (oil melts) or was it found elsewhere? I need to go back and start at the beginning. I'll be back (to use another over done piece of dialog).
Comment Written 09-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2010
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Thanks for reading and your positive feedback. Already chapter 14, but Chapter 1 is an intro and chapter 2 is a lengthy back story on the primary character, Dax. Regards, Bill
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form and good flow, an enjoyable next chapter for your book. one day i'm going to go back and read the first chapter of this book.....
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2010
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this is very well written with good form and good flow, an enjoyable next chapter for your book. one day i'm going to go back and read the first chapter of this book.....
Comment Written 09-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2010
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Thanks for reading and your kind words. It will make more sense with chapter 1 and 2, which were an introduction and back story. Regards, Bill
Comment from Max Edon
I enjoyed reading this chapter a lot. It was full of action and suspence. This was very realistic. The characters were all very interesting.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2010
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I enjoyed reading this chapter a lot. It was full of action and suspence. This was very realistic. The characters were all very interesting.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2010
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Thanks for reading Max, and for your kind feedback. Regards, Bill
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you are welcome
Comment from bookishfabler
Even though, I wrote downa bunch of suggestions, I gave this chapter a five becuase it was good and interesting.
"Enrique, you've asked me that twenty times already. I told you that I looked everywhere. Besides, we heard the explosion. Most likely that warehouse burned to the ground. What's the big deal, anyhow?"
Does this character say (that) a lot, or can we cut a few (that) out in this line?)
Jorge leaped up so fast that he knocked the chair down.( in this line (that0 is not needed at all. Most times it isn't)
A perplexed Cindy asked, "Doesn't that seem a bit self serving? (I would show her being perplexed. like she scratched her head, rather than tell us she's perplexed.
Okay, I'm being picky here. We don't know eachother yet, but, these are just suggestions,a nd things you may not see for yourself, for instance.
There were several items of particular interest. The first, was the name of the so called cartel moving into the area, the Sinaloa cartel. Its base of operation was Nuevo Laredo. They were involved with all types of illicit drugs, but probably best known for distributing Columbian Cocaine. Another item of interest was how the Press in Nuevo Laredo handled stories regarding the cartels. The local newspaper was quite clear. Stories that angered cartels had led to the death of several journalists. Their decision was to not cover anything, recognizing that the responsibility to report had to be balanced against the responsibility of the safety of employees. The third item of interest was a recent trend of the Sinaloa cartel to recruit U.S. based criminals to broaden their distribution.
There are six (was) some (were) and a few (had) making for a very passive paragraph. Of course you can't eliminate all of these passive words, but be aware when using them too much.
Hope this is helpful
hugs and Happy Holidays
book
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2010
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Even though, I wrote downa bunch of suggestions, I gave this chapter a five becuase it was good and interesting.
"Enrique, you've asked me that twenty times already. I told you that I looked everywhere. Besides, we heard the explosion. Most likely that warehouse burned to the ground. What's the big deal, anyhow?"
Does this character say (that) a lot, or can we cut a few (that) out in this line?)
Jorge leaped up so fast that he knocked the chair down.( in this line (that0 is not needed at all. Most times it isn't)
A perplexed Cindy asked, "Doesn't that seem a bit self serving? (I would show her being perplexed. like she scratched her head, rather than tell us she's perplexed.
Okay, I'm being picky here. We don't know eachother yet, but, these are just suggestions,a nd things you may not see for yourself, for instance.
There were several items of particular interest. The first, was the name of the so called cartel moving into the area, the Sinaloa cartel. Its base of operation was Nuevo Laredo. They were involved with all types of illicit drugs, but probably best known for distributing Columbian Cocaine. Another item of interest was how the Press in Nuevo Laredo handled stories regarding the cartels. The local newspaper was quite clear. Stories that angered cartels had led to the death of several journalists. Their decision was to not cover anything, recognizing that the responsibility to report had to be balanced against the responsibility of the safety of employees. The third item of interest was a recent trend of the Sinaloa cartel to recruit U.S. based criminals to broaden their distribution.
There are six (was) some (were) and a few (had) making for a very passive paragraph. Of course you can't eliminate all of these passive words, but be aware when using them too much.
Hope this is helpful
hugs and Happy Holidays
book
Comment Written 08-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2010
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Hi book - thanks for reading and the good feedback. I'm usually very sensitive to both things you pointed out, in particular, "that". No idea why I had so many in one area, but will definitely correct. You are right about them not being useful most of the time. Thanks for taking the time to help!
Comment from RKagan
Although I have never known any drug cartels, this is how I would think they would behave. Your writing here is very realistic and the dialog is so believable. You're doing an excellent job with this novel.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2010
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Although I have never known any drug cartels, this is how I would think they would behave. Your writing here is very realistic and the dialog is so believable. You're doing an excellent job with this novel.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2010
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Thanks Roberta - a new experience for me, but an enjoyable one so far. The balance of the book is outlined, just got to make myself sit down and crank it out! Regards, Bill
Comment from Mustang Patty
Forensics, crime stories, and the ongoing saga! I love your writing, and always look forward to the next installment. How do you choose names for your characters? I ask because the names 'fit,' and they do not feel contrived. Your character development is great, and the chapter has a nice natural flow to it. ~patty~
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2010
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Forensics, crime stories, and the ongoing saga! I love your writing, and always look forward to the next installment. How do you choose names for your characters? I ask because the names 'fit,' and they do not feel contrived. Your character development is great, and the chapter has a nice natural flow to it. ~patty~
Comment Written 08-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2010
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Hi Patty - thanks for reading and your gracious feedback. The character names actually are based on people that I know. Sometimes changed a wee bit. One of the villians is actually a combination of first and last names from two friends. They would be appalled! Regards, Bill
Comment from Babibrn
I THINK YOU HAVE WRITEN A GREAT STORY. I BELIEVE YOUR CHARACTERS WORK GREAT TOGETHER. YOU HAVE DESCRIBED YOUR SCENES GREATLY.BEAUTIFUL.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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I THINK YOU HAVE WRITEN A GREAT STORY. I BELIEVE YOUR CHARACTERS WORK GREAT TOGETHER. YOU HAVE DESCRIBED YOUR SCENES GREATLY.BEAUTIFUL.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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Thanks for reading and your kind feedback. Hopefully, you have read some of the previous chapters! Warm regards, Bill
Comment from JW
Another great addition to your book. As always, your character's are realistic, the use of description was excellent, and the dialogue was nothing short of what would be expected in a great action-packed story. Great job.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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Another great addition to your book. As always, your character's are realistic, the use of description was excellent, and the dialogue was nothing short of what would be expected in a great action-packed story. Great job.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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Thanks for reading Jonathon and for supporting this story! Regards, Bill
Comment from aliciamartinezmalo
Good.
Jorge Morales was used to violence. The nature of the times for drug trafficking gangs in Mexico was how one gang could outdo another in their level of depravity. He'd seen bad things and been around bad people. None were as bad as his current company, Enrique Estaban. In the last two days, Estaban had murdered four people in cold blood. When Estaban suggested he go out and buy some breakfast, he was glad to get out of the room.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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Good.
Jorge Morales was used to violence. The nature of the times for drug trafficking gangs in Mexico was how one gang could outdo another in their level of depravity. He'd seen bad things and been around bad people. None were as bad as his current company, Enrique Estaban. In the last two days, Estaban had murdered four people in cold blood. When Estaban suggested he go out and buy some breakfast, he was glad to get out of the room.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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Thank you very much for reading. Regards, Bill
Comment from highlander104
Great chapter. I'm beginning to worry about Cindy, Beth, and Lael. Apparently, they're going to be prime targets. Excellent picture you've drawn of the incoming cartel and the local law enforcement that needs to take them down. I can feel an intense story getting tenser.
Jean K.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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Great chapter. I'm beginning to worry about Cindy, Beth, and Lael. Apparently, they're going to be prime targets. Excellent picture you've drawn of the incoming cartel and the local law enforcement that needs to take them down. I can feel an intense story getting tenser.
Jean K.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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Thanks for following this story. You are right, things are going to start pretty quickly now. Regards, Bill
