Redemption
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "The Newspaper"One Man's Return From Hell
54 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
A puzzled Jimmy asked, "What do you mean, Dax?" - add comma for direct address.
The case continues to be intriguing, Bill, and you show the investigation in a fascinating way. The dialogue is excellent, and you work in Dax's back story smoothly as the Sheriff learns about him. A strong, riveting chapter. Brooke
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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A puzzled Jimmy asked, "What do you mean, Dax?" - add comma for direct address.
The case continues to be intriguing, Bill, and you show the investigation in a fascinating way. The dialogue is excellent, and you work in Dax's back story smoothly as the Sheriff learns about him. A strong, riveting chapter. Brooke
Comment Written 29-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Thank you very much Brooke - I always appreciate you stopping by and for your willingness to help! Regards, Bill
Comment from Nanticoke
The story line is excellent. I want to go back and read earlier chapters to get a better understanding of background and continue to follow until you complete. I appreciate the notes and character list, it was necessary, as the content skipped to different scenes (not bad) but confusing rough without the whole story. Novel entirety will solve all that in publishing. Suggest you vary formula like Dax family murdered Hezbollah plot.Well done!
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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The story line is excellent. I want to go back and read earlier chapters to get a better understanding of background and continue to follow until you complete. I appreciate the notes and character list, it was necessary, as the content skipped to different scenes (not bad) but confusing rough without the whole story. Novel entirety will solve all that in publishing. Suggest you vary formula like Dax family murdered Hezbollah plot.Well done!
Comment Written 29-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Thanks for reading and your kind comments. It is difficult posting a book on FS, because lots of people will drop in for the first time. If you do have a few minutes, chapter 1 is an introduction and chapter 2 is a lengthy back-story defining the Dax character. Regards, Bill
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I will definitely go back and look for the intro and back story. Since I mostly write novels, understand the difficulty for drop in and out following. Best wishes! Shar
Comment from bookishfabler
Wow, this is right up my alley, pardon the cliche. I'm confused though. Is this a book chapter? I don't see the other chapters above. I'd like to find out more.
Nikki brushed powdered sugar off her nose as she commented, "That was sure a lot of work with not a whole lot to show for it."
(Good description. )
Very clean writing. Good job.
hugs book
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Wow, this is right up my alley, pardon the cliche. I'm confused though. Is this a book chapter? I don't see the other chapters above. I'd like to find out more.
Nikki brushed powdered sugar off her nose as she commented, "That was sure a lot of work with not a whole lot to show for it."
(Good description. )
Very clean writing. Good job.
hugs book
Comment Written 29-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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I apologize! This is chapter 13 of a book called redemption. I don't really know why the link didn't point to the book. I appreciate you reading and your kind comments.
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I love these types of books. I love thrillers, mysteries, dtective series and horror. Thanks for a good read.
Comment from write hand blue
I enjoyed the plot it is well writen...... The mental images were there......the compulsion to read it all was there as well....Am waiting for the next episode....I award 5 stars......
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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I enjoyed the plot it is well writen...... The mental images were there......the compulsion to read it all was there as well....Am waiting for the next episode....I award 5 stars......
Comment Written 29-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Thanks for reading and for your kind and generous feedback! Regards, Bill
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
This is a well written piece. The characters seem well developed and the storyline sounds very interesting. It is always hard to start in the middle of a book, but if the rest of the book is this , you will have a winner,
Debbie
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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This is a well written piece. The characters seem well developed and the storyline sounds very interesting. It is always hard to start in the middle of a book, but if the rest of the book is this , you will have a winner,
Debbie
Comment Written 29-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Thanks for reading Debbie. If you ever have a few minutes, Chapter 1 is an introduction and chapter 2 a lengthy back story of the primary character, Dax.
Comment from Rama Rao
Excellent chapter well written and full of details normally known to forensic experts or military guys.
I'm from the navy, and I didn't know all this about guns, their calibre and shooting powers.
Go right ahead, the story is moving along fine and keeps us riveted.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Excellent chapter well written and full of details normally known to forensic experts or military guys.
I'm from the navy, and I didn't know all this about guns, their calibre and shooting powers.
Go right ahead, the story is moving along fine and keeps us riveted.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Thanks R - I very much appreciate your kind words and that you are following the story. Regards, Bill
Comment from Winslow
Dear bhogg,
This story really piqued my interest, you write well in an active style. However, I was disappointed since this seems to be a snapshot that does not have a conclusive ending.
Warm regards,
Winslow
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Dear bhogg,
This story really piqued my interest, you write well in an active style. However, I was disappointed since this seems to be a snapshot that does not have a conclusive ending.
Warm regards,
Winslow
Comment Written 28-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Hi Winslow, I very much appreciate you reading! I know what you're saying, but as this is a chapter in a book, it is tough to write a conclusive ending. I do try and balance some, knowing that some people will be dropping in for the first time. Regards, Bill
Comment from Magic Wand
Fast moving, realistic dialog. Good way to show the background Dax has. This is going to be a great story. Centering it around the sheriff's office and newspaper lends to the quick action.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Fast moving, realistic dialog. Good way to show the background Dax has. This is going to be a great story. Centering it around the sheriff's office and newspaper lends to the quick action.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Thank you much for reading and your kind words. I very much appreciate the six. Regards, Bill
Comment from allborn66
This is an interesting piece. I like your voice. The dialogue is believable, though a little "informative" at times. I like your characters.
Barbara
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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This is an interesting piece. I like your voice. The dialogue is believable, though a little "informative" at times. I like your characters.
Barbara
Comment Written 28-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Thanks for reading Barbara, and I appreciate your comments. I understand your comment about informative. One of the problems on posting a book on FS is that some people will be dropping in for the first time, so I have to balance that against the flow of the book. Hopefully, I will write something to someone will be interested in publishing and I will re-write and take some of the informative dialog out. Regards, Bill
Comment from quashdog
Excellent read, It moves the story along at a gingerly pace while at the same time provided some background information on Dax. Does that agency (ASPS)really exist or is it fiction?
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Excellent read, It moves the story along at a gingerly pace while at the same time provided some background information on Dax. Does that agency (ASPS)really exist or is it fiction?
Comment Written 28-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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The ASPS is made up. It sounds pretty believeable to me though! Thanks for reading and your kind feedback. Regards, Bill
