Redemption
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "The Newspaper"One Man's Return From Hell
54 total reviews
Comment from The Stranger
Excellent as the drama of a murder, or was it in self defence.. casts its question upon the sherrif and the media in the form of the newspaper industry!
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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Excellent as the drama of a murder, or was it in self defence.. casts its question upon the sherrif and the media in the form of the newspaper industry!
Comment Written 30-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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Thank you very much for reading and for your kind comments. Regards, Bill
Comment from 7DOSCHannah
I thought it was over all good and really just a few grammical errors here and there, but if you reread it again they are quite obvious. Good job and keep up the good work!
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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I thought it was over all good and really just a few grammical errors here and there, but if you reread it again they are quite obvious. Good job and keep up the good work!
Comment Written 29-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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Thanks for reading Hannah and for the feedback!
Comment from fictionwriter
I love all the detail in this chapter. The crime scene stuff is really interesting, and getting all that from what they saw is phonomenal. great job.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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I love all the detail in this chapter. The crime scene stuff is really interesting, and getting all that from what they saw is phonomenal. great job.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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Thank you very much for reading and for your kind feedback!
Comment from Dave-Aranda-Richards
bhogg you are very good at creating conflict which is a books most important part. Only suggestion is to edit the dialogue...there are a places where the verbiage could be condensed. Other that that, a very-very good piece.
Dave
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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bhogg you are very good at creating conflict which is a books most important part. Only suggestion is to edit the dialogue...there are a places where the verbiage could be condensed. Other that that, a very-very good piece.
Dave
Comment Written 29-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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Thanks Dave - I am continually editing and re-editing, so will take a look. One of the problems I continue to have is that so many people are dropping in for the first time, so I wind up using much heavier dialog than necessary. The final version will definitely be lighter. Regards, Bill
Comment from Jetco
It was s tortuous read but enjoyable thus the 5 stars. I did not find any spag, but not being an editor what do I know about spag.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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It was s tortuous read but enjoyable thus the 5 stars. I did not find any spag, but not being an editor what do I know about spag.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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Thank you very much for sticking with it. I appreciate you reading and for your kind feedback.
Comment from ejebb1951
This is just packed with suspense, murder and Dax, the main man is awesome. The right material leading up to a movie. I'd pay to see this. I haven't read 1 thru 12 but I'm on my way. Nice work this one.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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This is just packed with suspense, murder and Dax, the main man is awesome. The right material leading up to a movie. I'd pay to see this. I haven't read 1 thru 12 but I'm on my way. Nice work this one.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Thank you for reading and for your kind comments. For sure, chapter 1 is an introduction and chapter 2 is a lengthy back story for the main character Dax. Regards, Bill
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You're so welocme Bill.
Comment from Babibrn
FOR FUTURE REFERENCES CAN I EMAIL YOU WHEN I NEED TO WRITE ABOUT TORTURING SOMEBODY...LOL THAT PART WAS GREAT...LOL ANYWAY.....GREAT READ, GREAT WRITE. GREAT JOB FELLOW WRITTER.KISSES!!!
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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FOR FUTURE REFERENCES CAN I EMAIL YOU WHEN I NEED TO WRITE ABOUT TORTURING SOMEBODY...LOL THAT PART WAS GREAT...LOL ANYWAY.....GREAT READ, GREAT WRITE. GREAT JOB FELLOW WRITTER.KISSES!!!
Comment Written 29-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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I learned all about torture in my first marriage, so consider myself somewhat of an expert. Contact me any time! Thanks for reading and the kind words. Regards, Bill
Comment from Sally Carter
Your story is cracking on apace, Bill. I really don't have anything to compare this with, since it's not my usual kind of reading, but it seems pacy, and I am getting involved with the characters. And I'm still reading it! That is the biggest endorsement you could get.
Of all your chapters so far, this felt perhaps the most engaging and easiest to read. It really seemed to flow well and tied several strands together.
In a few places you use commas where they seem unnecessary to me:
Now, she and Lael, were publisher, editor and part time sales people - don't think you need the comma after "Lael"
Lael(,) looked up from her coffee.
the poor man(')s booby trap
A really good read, Bill. Definitely getting stronger with each chapter so far as I am concerned.
Best wishes
Sally
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Your story is cracking on apace, Bill. I really don't have anything to compare this with, since it's not my usual kind of reading, but it seems pacy, and I am getting involved with the characters. And I'm still reading it! That is the biggest endorsement you could get.
Of all your chapters so far, this felt perhaps the most engaging and easiest to read. It really seemed to flow well and tied several strands together.
In a few places you use commas where they seem unnecessary to me:
Now, she and Lael, were publisher, editor and part time sales people - don't think you need the comma after "Lael"
Lael(,) looked up from her coffee.
the poor man(')s booby trap
A really good read, Bill. Definitely getting stronger with each chapter so far as I am concerned.
Best wishes
Sally
Comment Written 29-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Thanks for reading Sally and staying with a genre that you don't normally follow up. I do take that as a comment. I'll revisit the areas you pointed out. I didn't realize the difficulty of a book - sometimes I miss the stand alone stories! Regards, Bill
Comment from Isaiah Ramesses
Ah... A novel idea. It's been far too long since I've reviewed you, B. I haven't read any of this but will try to keep up with it. Nice narration and well imagined characters.
Isaiah
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Ah... A novel idea. It's been far too long since I've reviewed you, B. I haven't read any of this but will try to keep up with it. Nice narration and well imagined characters.
Isaiah
Comment Written 29-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Thanks for dropping back by Isaiah! If you wanted to catch up on this novel, chapter 1 is an introduction and chapter 2 is a long back story on the main character Dax. Thanks for reading and your nice comments. Regards, Bill
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
A wonderful write, powerful characterization, sweet gestures in the story line, superb effort to make it really count. I loved the dialogues and twists in the story.
A really wonderful read, well done andbest regards
K
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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A wonderful write, powerful characterization, sweet gestures in the story line, superb effort to make it really count. I loved the dialogues and twists in the story.
A really wonderful read, well done andbest regards
K
Comment Written 29-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Thank you K - I appreciate you reading and for your kind and generous feedback.
