Redemption
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "The Newspaper"One Man's Return From Hell
54 total reviews
Comment from R. K. Alan
Nice story pacing here. Loved the banter about Dax's background, filled in a lot of info for me concerning his acquired knowledge, that he then displays nicely at the end. You pulled it together to make it believable yet kept it entertaining without an info dump. Ray aka krylon
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2010
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Nice story pacing here. Loved the banter about Dax's background, filled in a lot of info for me concerning his acquired knowledge, that he then displays nicely at the end. You pulled it together to make it believable yet kept it entertaining without an info dump. Ray aka krylon
Comment Written 01-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2010
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Thanks Ray - as you know from your book, there is always a balance between chapter to chapter flow and catering to the reader who might be dropping in for the first time. I appreciate you reading and supporting! Regards, Bill
Comment from gramalot8
Bhogg, this is very well written chapter. It is easy to read and to understand the intrigue and world you are taking us into. I loved the referral to the beloved donuts. Good job. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2010
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Bhogg, this is very well written chapter. It is easy to read and to understand the intrigue and world you are taking us into. I loved the referral to the beloved donuts. Good job. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2010
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Thank you very much for reading and for your kind comments. Regards, Bill
Comment from marymiller546
Excellent story! Wonderful how you captured the same incident in three points of view. You kept my interest by fascinating me with the three different perspectives facts that were important specifically to each perspective. Great job!
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2010
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Excellent story! Wonderful how you captured the same incident in three points of view. You kept my interest by fascinating me with the three different perspectives facts that were important specifically to each perspective. Great job!
Comment Written 30-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2010
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Thank you very much Mary. I'm glad that you read and I appreciate your kind feedback. Regards, Bill
Comment from samsaysagain
Good. A lot to consume in this one chapter. A lot of facts that need a keener mind than mine to fully absorb. Good flow to the writing. Good description of the family heritage of the newspaper. Could be a questionable subject in the wrong hands. Interesting but not a very pleasant area to cover.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2010
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Good. A lot to consume in this one chapter. A lot of facts that need a keener mind than mine to fully absorb. Good flow to the writing. Good description of the family heritage of the newspaper. Could be a questionable subject in the wrong hands. Interesting but not a very pleasant area to cover.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2010
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Hi - thanks for reading. A 4 rating usually indicates that a piece needs work. Is there a particular suggestion for improvement? Thanks, Bill
Comment from mbarkersimpson
Hi Bill
I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter. You painted a great scene so that as the reader I could really see the characters come to life. It was full of intreague, so although I've not read all of your chapters I'm definitely looking foward to what comes next.
Thanks
Mel
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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Hi Bill
I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter. You painted a great scene so that as the reader I could really see the characters come to life. It was full of intreague, so although I've not read all of your chapters I'm definitely looking foward to what comes next.
Thanks
Mel
Comment Written 30-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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Thanks very much Mel! If you wanted to not read all the back chapters, chapter 1 is an introduction and chapter 2 is a lengthy back story about the primary character, Dax. Regards, Bill
Comment from goldiekiko
bhogg,loved this read! Have a few thoughts:
-"asps-like the snake","agent of value","old school","numb nuts"-simple terms and effective. Love that-no need for BIG words. Simple explanation & simple words.
-It seems the first part was coming to a close-allowing Dax to leave-but was thwarted by something new. Left me hanging-disappointed-I like closure-but also eager to see what's next.
And the newspaper scene gave me background on what has happened and a feel for the type of town-small, quiet, Mayberry like-until now. And some level headed characters to boot.
The last part concerning the crime scene and all was very easy to read-as were the previous sections. You also gave some insight into Dax's expertise and humbleness which I found pleasing. And you opened up a new chapter involving Mexico with the smallest of details. A brief and clever introduction.
That's what I enjoyed about this read-its conciseness. Nothing to get lost in or detoured. A very nice read and one I think I'll go back and catch up on. Thanks for sharing and giving me examples of wonderful writing. Dave
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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bhogg,loved this read! Have a few thoughts:
-"asps-like the snake","agent of value","old school","numb nuts"-simple terms and effective. Love that-no need for BIG words. Simple explanation & simple words.
-It seems the first part was coming to a close-allowing Dax to leave-but was thwarted by something new. Left me hanging-disappointed-I like closure-but also eager to see what's next.
And the newspaper scene gave me background on what has happened and a feel for the type of town-small, quiet, Mayberry like-until now. And some level headed characters to boot.
The last part concerning the crime scene and all was very easy to read-as were the previous sections. You also gave some insight into Dax's expertise and humbleness which I found pleasing. And you opened up a new chapter involving Mexico with the smallest of details. A brief and clever introduction.
That's what I enjoyed about this read-its conciseness. Nothing to get lost in or detoured. A very nice read and one I think I'll go back and catch up on. Thanks for sharing and giving me examples of wonderful writing. Dave
Comment Written 30-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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Thank you Dave - your kind and generous review brought a big smile to my face. If you did want to circle back around, chapter 1 is an introduction and chapter 2 is a lenghty back story about the main character Dax. I do appreciate you reading and for your comments. Regards, Bill
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Hi Bill. Thanks for the nice message and info. Love these kind of stories with a character like Dax and a likable supporting cast-well some likable. I'm sure there are others waiting to get under my skin:-)Take care, Dave
Comment from FredCollingwood
Another wonderful addition to your story. It, as your others, is very well written. I like your use of similes in a few places.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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Another wonderful addition to your story. It, as your others, is very well written. I like your use of similes in a few places.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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Thank you very much Fred. It's still a work in process. One of these days, I'll circle back and rewrite all of the previous chapters. I know I'm preaching to the choir, but I did not recognize the complexity of doing this early on. Regards, Bill
Comment from The Wood Work
Wow, great read! I'm very interested in ,the rest of the story, which is what makes a good story teller. I found no obvious errors. Good job on this. Keep it up
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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Wow, great read! I'm very interested in ,the rest of the story, which is what makes a good story teller. I found no obvious errors. Good job on this. Keep it up
Comment Written 30-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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Thank you very much for reading and for your kind feedback. If you wanted to catch up in a hurry on this story, chapter 1 is an introduction that sets the scene and chapter 2 is a lenghty back story regarding the primary character. Regards, Bill
Comment from missy98writer
Bill,
Chapter thirteen is riveting and extremely well written. Your action sequences had me hanging on at the edge of my seat. Your narrative is wonderful with great descriptive writing, very good dialogue and excellent action. I really love Dax because he's so in your face. You have me hooked and I look forward to reading future chapters. Thanks for entertaining. I needed something to take my mind off the flu I'm fighting, but that's what I get for not taking the flu shot.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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Bill,
Chapter thirteen is riveting and extremely well written. Your action sequences had me hanging on at the edge of my seat. Your narrative is wonderful with great descriptive writing, very good dialogue and excellent action. I really love Dax because he's so in your face. You have me hooked and I look forward to reading future chapters. Thanks for entertaining. I needed something to take my mind off the flu I'm fighting, but that's what I get for not taking the flu shot.
Melissa.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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Thanks Melissa - I appreciate you reading and for your support of the story. Sorry you're under the weather!
Comment from Mustang Patty
I enjoy your prose, and the story in this chapter moves along well. It is greatly appreciated that you share the cast of characters with us, . . .and your use of dialogue does an excellent job of moving the story along. This is a pleasant read, and intrigues the reader to read more. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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I enjoy your prose, and the story in this chapter moves along well. It is greatly appreciated that you share the cast of characters with us, . . .and your use of dialogue does an excellent job of moving the story along. This is a pleasant read, and intrigues the reader to read more. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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Thanks for reading Patty - I'm glad that you enjoyed! Regards, Bill
