Birdbrains
What the ?18 total reviews
Comment from AnnaLinda
Susan,
This is really a clever entry for the dash! I was wondering
how you were going to wrap it up. You did that with
'flying colors' LOL!!!
When I flew just a couple weeks ago, I refused the scanner - mainly because I had seen the images that
come from them - very violating in my opinion! I had
to wait for the pat down...
I really liked your punch line,
Linda
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Susan,
This is really a clever entry for the dash! I was wondering
how you were going to wrap it up. You did that with
'flying colors' LOL!!!
When I flew just a couple weeks ago, I refused the scanner - mainly because I had seen the images that
come from them - very violating in my opinion! I had
to wait for the pat down...
I really liked your punch line,
Linda
Comment Written 24-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Hi Linda! I am so sorry for this late reply!! Thank you for this great and fun review! I am tickled you liked this silly tail! ") Luv you! Susan
Comment from ImJLAD
Now this is really fun.
So many good entries and this one is definately one for sure.
Nice descriptive words and quickly developing a plot.
Great job. And best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Now this is really fun.
So many good entries and this one is definately one for sure.
Nice descriptive words and quickly developing a plot.
Great job. And best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Hi there! Thank you, and I do apologize for this late reply...I appreciate you reading this and glad you liked it too! HUG! Susan
Comment from azwildrosa
thank you for that great laugh. this one has great imagery, and wonder suspense. you did a great job in wrapping it up in the ending getting again a laugh out of me. this is a great humor entry for this prompt. thank you for sharing a best wishes to you in the booths.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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thank you for that great laugh. this one has great imagery, and wonder suspense. you did a great job in wrapping it up in the ending getting again a laugh out of me. this is a great humor entry for this prompt. thank you for sharing a best wishes to you in the booths.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Hi Rosa! Thank you so much...I am happy you smiled! That is what makes it worthwhile...xoxo. Susan
Comment from marcii
Not about your views but don't birds go through differently than humans because of quarantine.
Your story is interesting and the bird talking would make people laugh no doubt.
Good luck in the contest.
Marcii
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Not about your views but don't birds go through differently than humans because of quarantine.
Your story is interesting and the bird talking would make people laugh no doubt.
Good luck in the contest.
Marcii
Comment Written 24-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Hi Marcii! SO sorry for this late reply...I do thank you so, for taking a minute to read for me!! xoxo. Susan
Comment from LumchuckHickle
Your story has all the elements. That's pretty impressive for a 99-word story. I didn't like the punchline capitalized. It's kind of a cheap trick. Trust your readers, I say. Let them find the emphasis without rubbing their noses in it for them. I would have given you five stars, even with that shouting-in-type line at the end, but there are just a few too many punctuation issues. They're easy to correct, but they do show incompleteness. Still, it's basically a successful story, not easy to do in 100 words or less. Congratulations.
Grammar notes: You seem to have some challenges when it comes to commas. (a) You don't need the second comma in the second sentence. It connects a following dependent clause, and the general rule is to make that connection with no comma. (You seem to know this because you didn't use a comma before the conjunction "as" in the third paragraph, which is correct. (b) You definitely don't want the comma that follows "...ahead of me" in the second paragraph. You do need a comma, however, after "eyeballing us" in the next sentence. (c) The semicolon between "brow" and "all" would work much better as a simple period. Make "all I wanted..." into a new sentence.
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2010
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Your story has all the elements. That's pretty impressive for a 99-word story. I didn't like the punchline capitalized. It's kind of a cheap trick. Trust your readers, I say. Let them find the emphasis without rubbing their noses in it for them. I would have given you five stars, even with that shouting-in-type line at the end, but there are just a few too many punctuation issues. They're easy to correct, but they do show incompleteness. Still, it's basically a successful story, not easy to do in 100 words or less. Congratulations.
Grammar notes: You seem to have some challenges when it comes to commas. (a) You don't need the second comma in the second sentence. It connects a following dependent clause, and the general rule is to make that connection with no comma. (You seem to know this because you didn't use a comma before the conjunction "as" in the third paragraph, which is correct. (b) You definitely don't want the comma that follows "...ahead of me" in the second paragraph. You do need a comma, however, after "eyeballing us" in the next sentence. (c) The semicolon between "brow" and "all" would work much better as a simple period. Make "all I wanted..." into a new sentence.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2010
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Thank you for this time and help. I fixed these things...
Comment from sasil
This was funny--I thought animals were checked in separately, and rode in cargo? I don't travel by plane, and have no love-lost on full-body scans (how much radiation are they using, is it regularly checked, and are the pilots sober anyway?). Good job on word count and detail of scene.
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2010
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This was funny--I thought animals were checked in separately, and rode in cargo? I don't travel by plane, and have no love-lost on full-body scans (how much radiation are they using, is it regularly checked, and are the pilots sober anyway?). Good job on word count and detail of scene.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2010
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Hi there, thank you Sasil...this is just a story, thank you for a kind review!
Comment from MizKat
I think you did a wonderful job on her flash fiction story. I got a good laugh from what the parrot said in the last line. I wonder why they're doing all that now just to go on a plane? Kat
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2010
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I think you did a wonderful job on her flash fiction story. I got a good laugh from what the parrot said in the last line. I wonder why they're doing all that now just to go on a plane? Kat
Comment Written 23-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2010
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Hi Kat! Thank you, and I am happy you got a laugh! Have you been watching about the TSA and the BS now? AND 81% of Americans like it. SICK! IMHO anyway. I'll never fly. But, thank you for this review, I appreciate!
Comment from Wendyanne
Lol I love the punchline! Your little amusing story certainly made me chuckle as I pictured the scene. well done and good luck
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2010
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Lol I love the punchline! Your little amusing story certainly made me chuckle as I pictured the scene. well done and good luck
Comment Written 23-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2010
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Hi Wendy, thank you and I am happy you got a kick out of this silly tale!
Comment from Belinda
Yes, I can imagine this airport scene. I always got nervous entering the US although I didn't bring anything dangerous. Let alone ... a parrot, ha-ha. Very funny!
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2010
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Yes, I can imagine this airport scene. I always got nervous entering the US although I didn't bring anything dangerous. Let alone ... a parrot, ha-ha. Very funny!
Comment Written 23-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2010
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Hi there, thank you very much for a kind review!!
Comment from bhogg
Very timely humor at a situtation that isn't so funny. As I'm nearing retirement, I don't travel as much as I used to, but for 30 years I was on planes all the time. It used to be fun. Good luck in your contest. Regards, Bill
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2010
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Very timely humor at a situtation that isn't so funny. As I'm nearing retirement, I don't travel as much as I used to, but for 30 years I was on planes all the time. It used to be fun. Good luck in your contest. Regards, Bill
Comment Written 23-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2010
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Hi Bill, thank you for this kind review. I will not fly unless it's an emergency, and even then will think twice. This ridiculous mess. At least you got to enjoy it for a time...
