Redemption
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Hawk"One Man's Return From Hell
38 total reviews
Comment from Lekatt
I got interested fast, well written story. It moved fast and showed the polish of a seasoned writer. I like these mysteries that cause you to think and wonder.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2010
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I got interested fast, well written story. It moved fast and showed the polish of a seasoned writer. I like these mysteries that cause you to think and wonder.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2010
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Thanks for reading and for your kind and generous feedback. Regards, Bill
Comment from Realist101
Oh boy, this is unsettling. We had pipe bombs or worse all around us this summer. So bad that I called Homeland Security. I hate guns, bombs, any of that junk. THey have no place in my life, that's for sure. Well, except a pellet gun to try to scare crows off. Your dialogue Bill is excellent. I try to write like this, however! WELL! I keep trying! Nice work here, hope I havn't missed a chapter. Susan
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2010
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Oh boy, this is unsettling. We had pipe bombs or worse all around us this summer. So bad that I called Homeland Security. I hate guns, bombs, any of that junk. THey have no place in my life, that's for sure. Well, except a pellet gun to try to scare crows off. Your dialogue Bill is excellent. I try to write like this, however! WELL! I keep trying! Nice work here, hope I havn't missed a chapter. Susan
Comment Written 16-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2010
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Thanks for reading Susan and for your continued support. Regards, Bill
Comment from R. K. Alan
The story is getting more intense. I liked the way you crafted the crime scene and explained the cause of the explosion. It flowed smoothly and very easy to visualize and understand. Ray aka krylon
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2010
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The story is getting more intense. I liked the way you crafted the crime scene and explained the cause of the explosion. It flowed smoothly and very easy to visualize and understand. Ray aka krylon
Comment Written 15-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2010
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Thanks Ray - lots easier for me when I don't have to explain things that don't exist yet. I always admire how smoothly you pull that off! Regards, Bill
Comment from ElJGreen
I havent gone back to read previous chapters but I liked this one. I think the dialogue moves the story; it is realistic and engaging. The writing style flows. It makes me want to go back to the beginning and read from the start.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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I havent gone back to read previous chapters but I liked this one. I think the dialogue moves the story; it is realistic and engaging. The writing style flows. It makes me want to go back to the beginning and read from the start.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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Thanks for reading and your kind feedback. 11 chapters would be a chore! If you are really interested, read chapter 1 which is an intro and chapter 2 which is a long backstory on the main character. Regards, Bill
Comment from Lois Delaney
I thought you did a swell job with this post.
I'm giving you a six because it sounds very believable, and reads like a very intriguing work. I love murder/mysteries, but I cannot for the life of me write one. So I do know how hard it is to make sense out of a scene, and try to convince the reader.
I also felt your dialogue worked very well. At first, I wondered about the 22 shot gun. We had one and used it for small game. But it would probably kill a person if shot in the right place, or several shots.
That was my only setback. But I don't know anything about guns, so that is why you are writing this and not me. lol
Great job. Also, I think you should enlarge your font. I know readers can do it on their own, but some might not care to bother or even think of it. Just a suggestion. Lois
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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I thought you did a swell job with this post.
I'm giving you a six because it sounds very believable, and reads like a very intriguing work. I love murder/mysteries, but I cannot for the life of me write one. So I do know how hard it is to make sense out of a scene, and try to convince the reader.
I also felt your dialogue worked very well. At first, I wondered about the 22 shot gun. We had one and used it for small game. But it would probably kill a person if shot in the right place, or several shots.
That was my only setback. But I don't know anything about guns, so that is why you are writing this and not me. lol
Great job. Also, I think you should enlarge your font. I know readers can do it on their own, but some might not care to bother or even think of it. Just a suggestion. Lois
Comment Written 15-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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Hi Lois - I am thrilled by your kind and generous feedback. I will take a look at the font. I know that for my intro is was size 14 and for the balance, 16, but hey, why not make it larger. By the way, the 22 was for a pistol, which happens to be the most common caliber for murder. Terrible that I should know that! Very warm regards, Bill
Comment from JW
Wow. Interesting chapter. You definitely have a way of holding the reader's interest all the way to the end. I also loved your use of description. You could easily picture the scene in your mind.
Great job.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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Wow. Interesting chapter. You definitely have a way of holding the reader's interest all the way to the end. I also loved your use of description. You could easily picture the scene in your mind.
Great job.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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Jonathon - thank you very much for reading and for your kind and generous feedback.
Comment from pickthorn
Hi Bill.. I like this chapter. I like the way you explain things like how the device was made by putting a grenade with the pin removed in a can, keeping the armed lever from deploying... and describing the meth users with the sores and blackened and broken teeth. I have seen several of those myself. Great writing. Oh, I think I noticed something. The word "nobodies" didn't look right to me with a hyphen in it... I don't know if you can depend on the different places it was found on Google, but the only way I found it written was without the hyphen .. 'nobodies'. I thought you might want to check it out further. I enjoyed reading this chapter. Nicely done.
pickthorn
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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Hi Bill.. I like this chapter. I like the way you explain things like how the device was made by putting a grenade with the pin removed in a can, keeping the armed lever from deploying... and describing the meth users with the sores and blackened and broken teeth. I have seen several of those myself. Great writing. Oh, I think I noticed something. The word "nobodies" didn't look right to me with a hyphen in it... I don't know if you can depend on the different places it was found on Google, but the only way I found it written was without the hyphen .. 'nobodies'. I thought you might want to check it out further. I enjoyed reading this chapter. Nicely done.
pickthorn
Comment Written 15-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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Thanks for reading. I read your new post today - what a winner! I'll circle back and make that change. Regards, Bill
Comment from humpwhistle
Another taut and tight chapter, Bill. You've gotten Dax and the Sheriff on the same page (at least for the time being) and introduced another intriguing character in Nikki (Nikki, really?). Enrique and a Woodsman? Very interesting. Good stuff. Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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Another taut and tight chapter, Bill. You've gotten Dax and the Sheriff on the same page (at least for the time being) and introduced another intriguing character in Nikki (Nikki, really?). Enrique and a Woodsman? Very interesting. Good stuff. Peace, Lee
Comment Written 15-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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Hey Lee - one of the problems of introducting the chapters over time is just that, timing. Nikki was introduced in chapter nine. She's a fox, and you will see her again. Thank you very much for your support!!!!! Bill
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What can I say? I'm a dolt. With affection,Lee
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A dolt? For sure, no way. A sluggard .... perhaps. LOL Bill
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Sluggard? Just because mom and dad are first cousins gives you no right.. Indignantly, Lee Bob Earl Clem.
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Dude - you crack me up. Wish we could share a beer sometime and solve the World's problems!
Comment from fictionwriter
Interesting chapter. I wonder what happened and who's responsible. I hope they find out something. Seems like I'd stay away from things around there. Great job.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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Interesting chapter. I wonder what happened and who's responsible. I hope they find out something. Seems like I'd stay away from things around there. Great job.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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Thanks for reading and your kind comments. One of the problems, which I know you appreciate than most, is that if you haven't read ever post, it lacks continuity. In any event, I'm glad you dropped by and for your kind and generous comments. Regards, Bill
Comment from RebelRose
Boy, Enrique sure sounds like a cold fish.
The sheriff cleared Dax to leave but said he could stay and help. I think there may be another reason why Dax would stay.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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Boy, Enrique sure sounds like a cold fish.
The sheriff cleared Dax to leave but said he could stay and help. I think there may be another reason why Dax would stay.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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Yea Patty - that's because you are a hopeless romantic. Me too though! LOL Bill
