Flash Fiction
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "The Enemy"Collection of Flash, Micro, etc.
16 total reviews
Comment from missy98writer
Carol,
I've been so busy lately I've missed reading some blind contest entries. Your horror story is very well written with excellent narrative, great writing and very good descriptive writing. Your photo of the black cat is frightening. In a bare minimum of words for the greatest you've effectively created a setting, conflict, and a resolve to your story. Timmy being naughty go the scare of his life. What was the silhouette approaching the landing. You did an excellent job. Keep up the good work.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2010
  |
Carol,
I've been so busy lately I've missed reading some blind contest entries. Your horror story is very well written with excellent narrative, great writing and very good descriptive writing. Your photo of the black cat is frightening. In a bare minimum of words for the greatest you've effectively created a setting, conflict, and a resolve to your story. Timmy being naughty go the scare of his life. What was the silhouette approaching the landing. You did an excellent job. Keep up the good work.
Melissa.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2010
-
Please forgive my tardiness in replying and telling you how much I appreciate your support. I have been spending the majority of my time in doctors' offices, hospitals and traveling out of state to a University Hospital. My "honey" is seriously ill..We thought it was under control and now this bacteria is back with a vengenance. It's in his sinus cavity and facial skin and if it gets to his brain...well, it could be something they can't control. We are leaving shortly for the hospital again.Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers..Carol
Comment from Diascribe
I like the idea here, but I think it could use some reworking to tighten it up a bit. You might also want to look at the spacing. The UI in FanStory does funny things with line-breaks and I always go back and check what they output.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
 |
I like the idea here, but I think it could use some reworking to tighten it up a bit. You might also want to look at the spacing. The UI in FanStory does funny things with line-breaks and I always go back and check what they output.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
-
Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Your encouragment and support is greatly appreciated. Hope you have a great day...Smiles, Carol
Comment from LumchuckHickle
This is wonderful prose. It pulled me in fully, engaged me intimately in the child's mind. It wasn't told from a distance, as similar stories generally are but from right inside the child's imagination. Good work. I was bothered a tiny bit, especially in the first half, by the juxtaposition of the verb tenses: the objective story told in past, the interior action in the past as well. That didn't meld together as well it might have. It's a difficult problem, and the power of the piece took it away (in my mind) after the first few paragraphs, but it's something to think about. I enjoyed this story and will likely vote for it. There are only a couple of others that are nearly as good, by my measure. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
|
This is wonderful prose. It pulled me in fully, engaged me intimately in the child's mind. It wasn't told from a distance, as similar stories generally are but from right inside the child's imagination. Good work. I was bothered a tiny bit, especially in the first half, by the juxtaposition of the verb tenses: the objective story told in past, the interior action in the past as well. That didn't meld together as well it might have. It's a difficult problem, and the power of the piece took it away (in my mind) after the first few paragraphs, but it's something to think about. I enjoyed this story and will likely vote for it. There are only a couple of others that are nearly as good, by my measure. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
-
Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Your encouragment and support is greatly appreciated. Hope you have a great day...Smiles, Carol
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
I think this might be more humour than horror, although I dare say Timmy felt some horror when the cat howled! No doubt the cat felt some horror too when he was stepped on. Still, this is an amusing little anecdote.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
|
I think this might be more humour than horror, although I dare say Timmy felt some horror when the cat howled! No doubt the cat felt some horror too when he was stepped on. Still, this is an amusing little anecdote.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
-
I agree! I guess I left my horror brain with my witch costume and this was the best I could do today..but I appreciate you reading and commenting. Smiles, Carol
Comment from bowls
A good one! I didn't see that coming. You do an excellent job of throwing the reader off the track at the outset with the boy's planned escape. The strange sounds could be anything - and then you reveal the not too alarming truth to the reader. Yes, this was a thriller!
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
|
A good one! I didn't see that coming. You do an excellent job of throwing the reader off the track at the outset with the boy's planned escape. The strange sounds could be anything - and then you reveal the not too alarming truth to the reader. Yes, this was a thriller!
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
-
bowls,
Glad you enjoyed my little story..Thanks for the kind comments...CArol
Comment from venusanblue
This is a really good story, I was engrossed in the little tale, but I laughed at the ending. I know what that cat sounded like, because my husband is always stepping on our cats,lol.
Lovedit, V,xx
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
|
This is a really good story, I was engrossed in the little tale, but I laughed at the ending. I know what that cat sounded like, because my husband is always stepping on our cats,lol.
Lovedit, V,xx
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
-
V,
Thanks for enjoying my little story...just couldn't get into the bloody and guts thing today..Smiles, Carol
Comment from Thesis
Lol. Those cats are everywhere. Another great escape snarled. Oh well,he'll just have to plan another mission. Although, it doesn't sound like Timmy's ready for a big adventure yet. - Thesis
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
|
Lol. Those cats are everywhere. Another great escape snarled. Oh well,he'll just have to plan another mission. Although, it doesn't sound like Timmy's ready for a big adventure yet. - Thesis
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
-
John,
Thanks for the support..Smiles, Carol
Comment from Shirley McLain
A very cute story that I enjoyed reading very much. I could see that little boy running away from home and then getting the day-lights scared out of him. It did make me smile. Good job.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
|
A very cute story that I enjoyed reading very much. I could see that little boy running away from home and then getting the day-lights scared out of him. It did make me smile. Good job.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
-
Texasgal,
Thanks for enjoying the story..Smiles, Carol
Comment from Judith Ann
This is a cute horror/thriller story (if there is such a thing). I can just imagine Timmy and Hercules prowling in the dark. This is a lively piece and I enjoyed it. -Judy
should this, "He refusing to apologize so he was sent to bed." read...refused?
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
|
This is a cute horror/thriller story (if there is such a thing). I can just imagine Timmy and Hercules prowling in the dark. This is a lively piece and I enjoyed it. -Judy
should this, "He refusing to apologize so he was sent to bed." read...refused?
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
-
Thanks for enjoying the story..Smiles, Carol
Comment from azwildrosa
that was cute. i loved the place it took me as i read. reminded me of the times i'd race up the stares and into my room because i was afraid. you did a wonderful job on this 200 word story. thank you for sharing and best wishes to you in the booths. :)
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
|
that was cute. i loved the place it took me as i read. reminded me of the times i'd race up the stares and into my room because i was afraid. you did a wonderful job on this 200 word story. thank you for sharing and best wishes to you in the booths. :)
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
Thanks for enjoying the story..Smiles, Carol
