Flash Fiction
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Time Marches On"Collection of Flash, Micro, etc.
40 total reviews
Comment from MJames82
Great story. It took me in right from the beginning and held my eyes captive right up until the end. will have to check out more of your work! Very well done.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
  |
Great story. It took me in right from the beginning and held my eyes captive right up until the end. will have to check out more of your work! Very well done.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
-
I appreciate your kindness and encouragment more than you'll ever know..smiles, Carol
Comment from JW
In regard to your goal "This flash fiction is meant to lead the reader to believe an older child is leaving...and in the end it really is a small child" you did an excellent job of accomplishing it.
Your story also read very smoothly and it contained great use of description.
Jonathon
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
|
In regard to your goal "This flash fiction is meant to lead the reader to believe an older child is leaving...and in the end it really is a small child" you did an excellent job of accomplishing it.
Your story also read very smoothly and it contained great use of description.
Jonathon
Comment Written 02-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
-
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I truly appreciate your support. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hi Carol,
what come out of the mouths of a five year old is amazing.
Your ending was great.
You had me right into your childrens' flash fiction and here I am an adult.
Gert
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
 |
Hi Carol,
what come out of the mouths of a five year old is amazing.
Your ending was great.
You had me right into your childrens' flash fiction and here I am an adult.
Gert
Comment Written 01-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
-
Gert,
Awesome..your thoughts and the stars..Thank You! Carol
Comment from BethShelby
This is very good flash fiction. I didn't get that it was an older child leaving because the picture showed a young child and the language of "Mommy" sound like a young child. If you wanted it to sound like and older child you might have used another picture but I still enjoyed the story just as it is.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
|
This is very good flash fiction. I didn't get that it was an older child leaving because the picture showed a young child and the language of "Mommy" sound like a young child. If you wanted it to sound like and older child you might have used another picture but I still enjoyed the story just as it is.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
-
Beth,
Thanks for enjoying the story..Smiles, Carol
Comment from L.lora
You've perfected your skill
at flash fiction.
Excellent Carol, a charming
story filled with emotion
and the twist at the end
is superb. Your discriptions
are good and the dialogue
helps to fill in the blanks
as well as move your reader along.
Good read. no nits or spags. Lora
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
|
You've perfected your skill
at flash fiction.
Excellent Carol, a charming
story filled with emotion
and the twist at the end
is superb. Your discriptions
are good and the dialogue
helps to fill in the blanks
as well as move your reader along.
Good read. no nits or spags. Lora
Comment Written 01-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
-
Lora,
Thanks for the vote of confidence..I'm not sure I'll ever totally master the flash fiction, but I am working on it. Smiles, Carol
Comment from minopavlic
The grace and elegance within this poem is heartfelt. However the beauty within your words draws my attention to the indescribable bond we share with our children. We never do want to lose sight of them.
Mino
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
|
The grace and elegance within this poem is heartfelt. However the beauty within your words draws my attention to the indescribable bond we share with our children. We never do want to lose sight of them.
Mino
Comment Written 31-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
-
Mino,
Thank you for seeing the core of this story..many missed it, I guess. Thanks so much...Carol
Comment from Judian James
I wasn't confused at all Carol. I thought you did a wonderful job throughout the piece. I was convinced she was leaving for college! AND if you didn't say "she's my baby" after telling us she has an older teenage brother, but rather, "She's my little girl" you would have had me until that final paragraph. And, it would have been even more believable if she packed that teddy ... a child leaving home for college would do that and a five year old going to Grandma's for the weekend, certainly would as well
I loved it Carol!!
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
|
I wasn't confused at all Carol. I thought you did a wonderful job throughout the piece. I was convinced she was leaving for college! AND if you didn't say "she's my baby" after telling us she has an older teenage brother, but rather, "She's my little girl" you would have had me until that final paragraph. And, it would have been even more believable if she packed that teddy ... a child leaving home for college would do that and a five year old going to Grandma's for the weekend, certainly would as well
I loved it Carol!!
Comment Written 31-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
-
Jude,
Darn..wish I would have thought of that teddy...I still have a few of mine..Thanks for the wonderful review...Smiles, Carol
Comment from Cairn Destop
I'm thinking the "confusion" is something that enhances the story. You think older teen leaving home, maybe college or with a boyfriend the mother doesn't like. The reference to a father who leaves can be interprited as a desertion or death. Learning it is a child is the climatic twist these shorts need to be memorable. No SPAG noticed while reading.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
|
I'm thinking the "confusion" is something that enhances the story. You think older teen leaving home, maybe college or with a boyfriend the mother doesn't like. The reference to a father who leaves can be interprited as a desertion or death. Learning it is a child is the climatic twist these shorts need to be memorable. No SPAG noticed while reading.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
-
Cairn,
Thanks so much for the kind and thoughtful review. I greatly appreciate it.
smiles, Carol
Comment from bowls
What a great story! I think you develop it beautifully beginning with Sandy packing and ending with her waving as she leaves in the car. You've prepared your readers for the last line by mentioning "Daddy" in the first paragraph. In your last paragraph I wonder if there should be a comma instead of a period between DRIVE and SANDY since "Waving as the car pulled out of the drive" is not a complete sentence.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
|
What a great story! I think you develop it beautifully beginning with Sandy packing and ending with her waving as she leaves in the car. You've prepared your readers for the last line by mentioning "Daddy" in the first paragraph. In your last paragraph I wonder if there should be a comma instead of a period between DRIVE and SANDY since "Waving as the car pulled out of the drive" is not a complete sentence.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
-
bowls,
Please excuse my tardiness in thanking you for the kind comments...Smiles, Carol
Comment from IndianaIrish
Carol, I found this flash well-written and moving with a meaningful twist. It wasn't confusing in the least little bit. Great story.
Karyn :>)
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
|
Carol, I found this flash well-written and moving with a meaningful twist. It wasn't confusing in the least little bit. Great story.
Karyn :>)
Comment Written 30-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
-
Please excuse my tardiness in thanking you for the kind comments...Smiles, Carol
