Flash Fiction
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "One Moment Can Change A LIfetime"Collection of Flash, Micro, etc.
43 total reviews
Comment from Writeaway...
Excellent job Begin Again, yet again your talent exceeds itself, bravo. I can find nothing to suggest for improvement and was kept interested, excellent job, good luck in the contest and keep writing!! :)
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Excellent job Begin Again, yet again your talent exceeds itself, bravo. I can find nothing to suggest for improvement and was kept interested, excellent job, good luck in the contest and keep writing!! :)
Comment Written 29-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Jake,
Now didn't that just make be sit up straight and smile..a wonderful reward fromone of my favorite writers. Thank you so much...Carol
Comment from L.lora
Excellent, heart felt,
fast paced, good discriptioins
and equally good dialogues.
The twist ending was perfect
and so true to life. You did
make the reader's eyes become
moist.. no nits or spags... Lora
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Excellent, heart felt,
fast paced, good discriptioins
and equally good dialogues.
The twist ending was perfect
and so true to life. You did
make the reader's eyes become
moist.. no nits or spags... Lora
Comment Written 29-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Lora,
Oh, I'm afraid I am going to have to buy additional stock in Kleenex..too many people threatening me about their leaky eyes. lol Thanks for all the support. Smiles, Carol
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Carol,
You are so right a moment can change a lifetime. I dreaded getting a telegram from the army telling me my husband was either dead or wounded. Thankful when it came it said he was wounded and in the hospital in Japan. This is a sad story but gladly wasn't bad news for Sara. A short story that kept me on the edge of my seat until the very end. Well done and good luck in the contest. Blessings, chey
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Hi Carol,
You are so right a moment can change a lifetime. I dreaded getting a telegram from the army telling me my husband was either dead or wounded. Thankful when it came it said he was wounded and in the hospital in Japan. This is a sad story but gladly wasn't bad news for Sara. A short story that kept me on the edge of my seat until the very end. Well done and good luck in the contest. Blessings, chey
Comment Written 29-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Chey,
I've had a lot of bad things happen in my lifetime but I can't imagine standing there, knowing what's coming next, urging it to be a nightmare and disappear, and then facing reality. Thanks for the kind review..Smiles, Carol
Comment from BethShelby
Excellent. This flash fiction is so full of vivid description and emotion and suspense. The title is correct. One mement can change a lifetime. Thankfully, it wasn't Sara's moment. You can feel the reliev and yet compassion for Betty.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Excellent. This flash fiction is so full of vivid description and emotion and suspense. The title is correct. One mement can change a lifetime. Thankfully, it wasn't Sara's moment. You can feel the reliev and yet compassion for Betty.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Beth,
Nice to see you stopping by and sharing your thoughts with me. I truly appreciate it. Smiles, Carol
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi Carol,
I read through this flash fiction, (I don't know much about flash to give you input on flash, but part of me says its supposed to be bare, I think... which makes me useless there. This was very high emotion, very easy to relate to the suffering and fears of the woman and the horrible situation, the end offers some relief, because the reader forms an attachment to them, but still is sad because someone elses world will be shattered.
pressed her parched lips together. The rocking chair
(nice alliteration)
motionless[,] near the front window.
(suggest removing the comma)
Stunned, Grandma sucked in a mouth[ ]full(mouthful)
Sara lifted her tear(-)stained face to met the Chaplain's g
unborn child, and I thank you, Lord." as she made the first phone call.
(I recommend the last sentence be put first... (As she made the first phone call, Sara whispered, "..."
As usual, you play on emotion using strong active descriptions and emotional tension. Nice story, well portrayed, a few suggestions...
--Turtle.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Hi Carol,
I read through this flash fiction, (I don't know much about flash to give you input on flash, but part of me says its supposed to be bare, I think... which makes me useless there. This was very high emotion, very easy to relate to the suffering and fears of the woman and the horrible situation, the end offers some relief, because the reader forms an attachment to them, but still is sad because someone elses world will be shattered.
pressed her parched lips together. The rocking chair
(nice alliteration)
motionless[,] near the front window.
(suggest removing the comma)
Stunned, Grandma sucked in a mouth[ ]full(mouthful)
Sara lifted her tear(-)stained face to met the Chaplain's g
unborn child, and I thank you, Lord." as she made the first phone call.
(I recommend the last sentence be put first... (As she made the first phone call, Sara whispered, "..."
As usual, you play on emotion using strong active descriptions and emotional tension. Nice story, well portrayed, a few suggestions...
--Turtle.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Turtle,
Guess I better get back on top of this writing stuff..It's been a while. Glad I have you to find my mistakes..Thanks so much..Smiles, Carol
PS..How's the dog and your man?
Comment from Trybuck
Well, at least you had a somewhat happy ending to this one, for grandma and Sara, not for the other lady though. Very well done, Buck
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Well, at least you had a somewhat happy ending to this one, for grandma and Sara, not for the other lady though. Very well done, Buck
Comment Written 28-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Buck,
I'm shooting for happy..trying to motivate myself to another spot. Thank you so much for stopping by and supporting me. Appreciate the kind review. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Sefiros
Interesting how when the chips are down, people will do anything to survive. Does that speak ill of us as a race in general?
You provide sharp stabs of action in every sentence. "Her fingers shook as she brushed the curtain." "He fastened his double-breast suit and slicked back his ebony hair." These are good details, but you drag the action out. Try to make the details flow better. "He slicked his hair back just in the movies." Sara thinks, Oh great. A carbon copy of the secret agent. Of all the people, they had to send him." This is just an example. Keep writing.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Interesting how when the chips are down, people will do anything to survive. Does that speak ill of us as a race in general?
You provide sharp stabs of action in every sentence. "Her fingers shook as she brushed the curtain." "He fastened his double-breast suit and slicked back his ebony hair." These are good details, but you drag the action out. Try to make the details flow better. "He slicked his hair back just in the movies." Sara thinks, Oh great. A carbon copy of the secret agent. Of all the people, they had to send him." This is just an example. Keep writing.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Sefiros
Thankyou for stooping by and reviewing my work. I truly appreciate your time and comments. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Carolyn Hilliard
A powerful story that keeps you on the edge of your seat. Two women are waiting, one is old the other, her granddaughter, is pregnant. The news they receive has both women collapsing and ... A GOT TO READ
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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A powerful story that keeps you on the edge of your seat. Two women are waiting, one is old the other, her granddaughter, is pregnant. The news they receive has both women collapsing and ... A GOT TO READ
Comment Written 28-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Fiesty,
Thank you so much for the wonderful review. I truly appreciate your time and comments. Carol
Comment from Heidixoxo
Very nice story Begin Again!! This is a perfect entry for the upcoming contest. Your art work is a nice match as well. Best of luck to you and I am sure this will be one of the best!! xoxo
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Very nice story Begin Again!! This is a perfect entry for the upcoming contest. Your art work is a nice match as well. Best of luck to you and I am sure this will be one of the best!! xoxo
Comment Written 28-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Heidi,
Awesome..you put a smile on my face and my heart. Thank you...Carol
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Carol, interesting story, though sad. So breathtaking, with a relieving ending for Sara and Grandma, as the bad news was for a neighbor. You've created the perfect mood for the story.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Hi, Carol, interesting story, though sad. So breathtaking, with a relieving ending for Sara and Grandma, as the bad news was for a neighbor. You've created the perfect mood for the story.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Belinda,
Appreciate the review and kind support. Smiles, Carol
