Flash Fiction
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "One Moment Can Change A LIfetime"Collection of Flash, Micro, etc.
43 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I wish I had a six left for this story. You have done a wonderful job protraying the emotion of a family feels as they receive the news. At Fort Campbell, KY a wife/firend accompies the men when they bring the news. I don't know if that is practiced across the military or not.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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I wish I had a six left for this story. You have done a wonderful job protraying the emotion of a family feels as they receive the news. At Fort Campbell, KY a wife/firend accompies the men when they bring the news. I don't know if that is practiced across the military or not.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Barbara,
Your kind words and thoughts add more sparkle to my life than any ole stars. Thanks you so much. Hope all is going well with you. I keep you in my prayers. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Thesis
This one is packed with tons of emotion and dread. The suspense you built in the beginning of the story led me right to right into your trap, lol. I thought they were FBI and she was going to be arrested.
The rest of the story flowed quickly with instant relief, but a deep saddness for another family that will never get their husband and dad back. - John
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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This one is packed with tons of emotion and dread. The suspense you built in the beginning of the story led me right to right into your trap, lol. I thought they were FBI and she was going to be arrested.
The rest of the story flowed quickly with instant relief, but a deep saddness for another family that will never get their husband and dad back. - John
Comment Written 29-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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John,
Thrilled I kept you in suspense. I always worry that writers such as yourself always have it figured out long before I want them to. Appreciate the review and your continued support. Smiles, Carol
Comment from SUSKI
This is a very good flash fiction. It's interesting and moving from beginning to end. The ending of happiness or gratefulness for one family and tradedy for another makes this piece memorable.
SUSKI
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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This is a very good flash fiction. It's interesting and moving from beginning to end. The ending of happiness or gratefulness for one family and tradedy for another makes this piece memorable.
SUSKI
Comment Written 29-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Suski,
Thanks so much for the wonderful support and encouragement. I am glad you enjoyed it. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Judian James
BRAVO Carol. This piece brought chills!! How cleverly written it is and so emotionally charged! I was in tears with the realization they had made a mistake and that one key paragraph was a killer: ""Johansson? Are you looking for Betty Johansson?" A tsunami wave of relief swept over her, followed by shame." superb! (no sixes, sorry)
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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BRAVO Carol. This piece brought chills!! How cleverly written it is and so emotionally charged! I was in tears with the realization they had made a mistake and that one key paragraph was a killer: ""Johansson? Are you looking for Betty Johansson?" A tsunami wave of relief swept over her, followed by shame." superb! (no sixes, sorry)
Comment Written 29-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Jude,
Your kind words and support far excede the twinkle of stars..thankyou. Smiles to you, Carol
Comment from c_lucas
The dreaded notice has been received by thousands of widows worldwide. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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The dreaded notice has been received by thousands of widows worldwide. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Charlie,
Too often I fear..I wonder when we will ever learn that lives and peace are worth far more than endless fighting will ever provide. Thank you...Carol
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You're welcome, Carol. Charlie
Comment from dmjones
Hi Carol this is a wonderful story. I'm happy for them and sad for the other family. It must be an awful feeling and you captured it well.
A couple of things:
rigid legs, but she refused to move away (from) the window.
face to met (meet)the Chaplain's gaze.
When I first read it, I didn't read it as flash fiction and realized after it was for a contest. So there are a couple of words you can delete that are unnecessary. Your choice.
running her hand protectively across her stomach.(you can delete protectively)
The old woman shuffled slowly across the floor.(slowly here as shuffled gives the image)
She lifted her head, looking directly into his dark eyes.(directly too basically any ly words not in dialogue.)
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Hi Carol this is a wonderful story. I'm happy for them and sad for the other family. It must be an awful feeling and you captured it well.
A couple of things:
rigid legs, but she refused to move away (from) the window.
face to met (meet)the Chaplain's gaze.
When I first read it, I didn't read it as flash fiction and realized after it was for a contest. So there are a couple of words you can delete that are unnecessary. Your choice.
running her hand protectively across her stomach.(you can delete protectively)
The old woman shuffled slowly across the floor.(slowly here as shuffled gives the image)
She lifted her head, looking directly into his dark eyes.(directly too basically any ly words not in dialogue.)
Comment Written 29-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Donna,
Thanks for opening my tired eyes..Really appreciate the help. Flash fiction isn't my greatest bit of writing..my mind likes to flourish it's words. Smiles, Carol
Comment from adewpearl
typo - she refused to move away FROM the window
A really touching story, Carol, beautiful in its details of setting and intense in its emotion. The feeling of anticipation of the inevitable tragic news weighs so heavily, and then when the notification team tells them they're actually there for the neighbor, that weight just lifts - but only momentarily, as we're reminded that relief for this young woman and her grandmother means loss just as tragic for their friend. Really beautifully written. Brooke
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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typo - she refused to move away FROM the window
A really touching story, Carol, beautiful in its details of setting and intense in its emotion. The feeling of anticipation of the inevitable tragic news weighs so heavily, and then when the notification team tells them they're actually there for the neighbor, that weight just lifts - but only momentarily, as we're reminded that relief for this young woman and her grandmother means loss just as tragic for their friend. Really beautifully written. Brooke
Comment Written 29-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Brooke,
Awesome and greatly appreciated. Thanks for catching my error and for enjoying the story. Your suggestions motivate me and your praise always lifts my spirits. Smiles, Carol
Comment from hotstuff
Wow! What a brilliant piece of writing, and what an emotive subject you write about. Sadly, so many families will be able to relate personally to your story. War brings so much sorrow. Your story manages to capture many of the feelings and thoughts that these families live with each day. This is a strong contender for the competition. Good luck.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Wow! What a brilliant piece of writing, and what an emotive subject you write about. Sadly, so many families will be able to relate personally to your story. War brings so much sorrow. Your story manages to capture many of the feelings and thoughts that these families live with each day. This is a strong contender for the competition. Good luck.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Hotstuff,
Awesome and of course greatly appreciated. I am thrilled to be back writing and finding that others find pleasure in my stories.
thank you again...Smiles, CArol
Comment from melyuki
grasping story sis.. and so true, as your words relate, one moment can change a lifetime. buiding up our emotions to an all time peak, you hold us at the top, and then allow the tensions to slowly unwind, yet transferring it from devestation to sheer compassion.. an interesting change, in a moment in time... so easily able to happen in reality,.. thanks Sis for showing us just how vulnerable life really is... great contest entry. I commend you for your excellence.. ( huh , like that thought,, I did... ) hugs and luv from your little sis.xxxxxxxxxxxx
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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grasping story sis.. and so true, as your words relate, one moment can change a lifetime. buiding up our emotions to an all time peak, you hold us at the top, and then allow the tensions to slowly unwind, yet transferring it from devestation to sheer compassion.. an interesting change, in a moment in time... so easily able to happen in reality,.. thanks Sis for showing us just how vulnerable life really is... great contest entry. I commend you for your excellence.. ( huh , like that thought,, I did... ) hugs and luv from your little sis.xxxxxxxxxxxx
Comment Written 29-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Sis,
You are biased but you won't see me belly aching about it. lol Thanks for all the support and kind words. Love ya, Sis
Comment from missy98writer
Carol,
your flash fiction story is extremely well written and an enjoyable read. Your story paints a vivid picture in the readers head. Excellent narrative, great characterization, good dialogue and very descriptive writing. In a minimum amount of words for a maximum effect you established a setting, conflict, and a resolution to your story. I love this descriptive: "A tsunami wave of relief swept over her, followed immediately by shame." We learn the two uniformed men went to the wrong house. They were there to inform Betty Johansson who lives in the house around back. Wow, I bet this wins the Flash Fiction contest. I love the emotions you created in a flash fiction story. I wish you good luck in the contest. Have a wonderful day.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Carol,
your flash fiction story is extremely well written and an enjoyable read. Your story paints a vivid picture in the readers head. Excellent narrative, great characterization, good dialogue and very descriptive writing. In a minimum amount of words for a maximum effect you established a setting, conflict, and a resolution to your story. I love this descriptive: "A tsunami wave of relief swept over her, followed immediately by shame." We learn the two uniformed men went to the wrong house. They were there to inform Betty Johansson who lives in the house around back. Wow, I bet this wins the Flash Fiction contest. I love the emotions you created in a flash fiction story. I wish you good luck in the contest. Have a wonderful day.
Melissa.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Melissa,
Thanks for another wonderful review. I always appreciate your comments and support. Smiles to you, Carol
