Spiritual Oasis
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "I Welcome Life"a collection of spiritual poems
60 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I totally love all those things and more. We have a beautiful world, with so much beauty in it. I hate that it's being destroyed. You mention the innocence in life, and there is much of it. This is a lovely poem to read with my waking up coffee. Well done! Sandra xx
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020
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I totally love all those things and more. We have a beautiful world, with so much beauty in it. I hate that it's being destroyed. You mention the innocence in life, and there is much of it. This is a lovely poem to read with my waking up coffee. Well done! Sandra xx
Comment Written 04-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much. Oh, there is a lot to be grateful for every day. God created enough miracles for us to enjoy.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A wonderful tribute to life and all it can offer us, every second must be enjoyed and also endured and attitude plays a big part in the enjoyment of life. Your words here are uplifting and magical, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020
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A wonderful tribute to life and all it can offer us, every second must be enjoyed and also endured and attitude plays a big part in the enjoyment of life. Your words here are uplifting and magical, love Dolly x
Comment Written 04-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much for the great review, Dolly. I am so glad you enjoyed this poem. This is one of my own favorite pieces.
Comment from tfawcus
I like the premise of this poem, that there is life everywhere in this world and much to be grateful for. Some of the imagery is good, and immediately transorts the reader to the scenes you describe.
If you are seeking an opinion, then I have the following suggestions. If not, then stop reading at this point!
The adjectival 'rocking' didn't ring true for me. 'Tumbling/gushing/etc might have done, or else "the rocking (rock-filled?) streams below."
I thought "clover fair/out there" a weak rhyme pair, and one it would be easy to improve upon.
The repetition of 'of' in these three consecutive lines stood out. I wondered if one of them might be changed to 'in'. e.g. "prairies in the west"
I welcome life in horses of the wild
traversing golden prairies of the west,
in innocence of every newborn child,
In your final line, it seemed more likely that the orchid would be scented than the rainbow - except that orchids don't have much scent either. Perhaps changing the adjective altogether might be worth considering, e.g.
in rainbows and the purple orchid's bliss.
It is, of course, your poem to do what you like with. I am always diffident about suggesting changes. However, these are things that struck me as I read.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020
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I like the premise of this poem, that there is life everywhere in this world and much to be grateful for. Some of the imagery is good, and immediately transorts the reader to the scenes you describe.
If you are seeking an opinion, then I have the following suggestions. If not, then stop reading at this point!
The adjectival 'rocking' didn't ring true for me. 'Tumbling/gushing/etc might have done, or else "the rocking (rock-filled?) streams below."
I thought "clover fair/out there" a weak rhyme pair, and one it would be easy to improve upon.
The repetition of 'of' in these three consecutive lines stood out. I wondered if one of them might be changed to 'in'. e.g. "prairies in the west"
I welcome life in horses of the wild
traversing golden prairies of the west,
in innocence of every newborn child,
In your final line, it seemed more likely that the orchid would be scented than the rainbow - except that orchids don't have much scent either. Perhaps changing the adjective altogether might be worth considering, e.g.
in rainbows and the purple orchid's bliss.
It is, of course, your poem to do what you like with. I am always diffident about suggesting changes. However, these are things that struck me as I read.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020
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Thank you, Tony, for the instructive and detailed review. I took up most of your suggestions. I am leaving "scented rainbows" (smile) but take another look, I do believe it sounds better.
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I like it! Perhaps I did not properly catch the scent of petrichor in those rainbows!
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Oh, I assure you, rainbows are scented! (smile).
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Tony, I just shortened the last stanza and renamed it into a sonnet-like verse. It would be a sonnet but the third stanza doesn't qualify.
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neither do the repeating lines "I welcome life" in every stanza qualify for a sonnet.
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neither do the repeating lines "I welcome life" in every stanza qualify for a sonnet.
Comment from adewpearl
excellent use of abab rhyming
good consonance of M sounds in Mediterranean/mountains/streams and of L and F sounds in life in flowers of the field
excellent alliteration in flowers of the field
lovely descriptive detail throughout
delightful personification throughout
I love the idea of a scented rainbow
a wonderfully upbeat celebration of Creation :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2013
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excellent use of abab rhyming
good consonance of M sounds in Mediterranean/mountains/streams and of L and F sounds in life in flowers of the field
excellent alliteration in flowers of the field
lovely descriptive detail throughout
delightful personification throughout
I love the idea of a scented rainbow
a wonderfully upbeat celebration of Creation :-) Brooke
Comment Written 15-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2013
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Thank you so much, Brooke, for the great review. This is one of my own favorite poems. I am a great lover of life, and spoke from the heart. I especially thank you for the last sentence of the review, saying this work is "a wonderfully upbeat celebration of Creation." I now feel comfortable for having added this poem to my spiritual collection.
Blessings and love, Yelena
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I like spiritual poems that aren't in your face, this is what God did declarations. It is good to be subtle. Beats the poems on site where the religion is of the definitely NOT subtle type :-)
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My sentiments exactly! I am glad I added this poem to the collection.
Comment from Pen&Ink
Hello yel,
This is a very pretty poem with good rhymes and a steady beat. Your quatrains sooth as they guide the reader oh a tour of nature at its best. No changes needed. Ray
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2010
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Hello yel,
This is a very pretty poem with good rhymes and a steady beat. Your quatrains sooth as they guide the reader oh a tour of nature at its best. No changes needed. Ray
Comment Written 27-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2010
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Thank you so much for the wonderful review, Ray. This poem has already become one of my personal favorites, although it's only a few days old (smile).
Comment from sgalletti
Beautiful art work, wonderful presentation and well written quatrains with impeccable meter and great abab rhyme scheme. Loved the repetition of "I welcome life..." to begin each verse. Your images are terrific. I must say I wish there were fewer "the"'s in the piece, but I also understand the need for them and this is so minor in the larger context of a well crafted piece. Very deserving of a six, my friend. Hugs, Sue
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2010
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Beautiful art work, wonderful presentation and well written quatrains with impeccable meter and great abab rhyme scheme. Loved the repetition of "I welcome life..." to begin each verse. Your images are terrific. I must say I wish there were fewer "the"'s in the piece, but I also understand the need for them and this is so minor in the larger context of a well crafted piece. Very deserving of a six, my friend. Hugs, Sue
Comment Written 24-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2010
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Thank you so much, Sue, for the exceptional review! I am very honored by this superb rating coming from a poet of your statue. I do agree on the excess of "the", and so I went ahead and removed some. Please take another look and tell me if it's better. There is something in this verse that it became a favorite of mine, though it is only six hours old! (smile). I love flowers, nature, horses, wildlife and here I have it all!
Thank you again for the six, love, Y.
Comment from Joan E.
I am still catching up and am gIad I found this replay. I liked your repeating phrase for emphasis and your rhyming quatrains. I especially enjoyed your energetic verb choices, use of alliteration, and imagery. The "crimson poppies" are the perfect accent. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2010
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I am still catching up and am gIad I found this replay. I liked your repeating phrase for emphasis and your rhyming quatrains. I especially enjoyed your energetic verb choices, use of alliteration, and imagery. The "crimson poppies" are the perfect accent. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 24-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2010
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Thank you so much, Joan. I was a bit inventive here in repeating those words throughout the poem, but it did sound good! (smile). I think, this little poem is becoming one of my personal favorites, as it incorporates so many things I love.
Comment from mountainwriter49
Good Morning,
This is a delightful poem and a great first read on
this Sunday morning. i enjoyed the tenor and pace
of your poem and the imagery and subject matter
discussed. "I welcome life" is a wonderful poem
reminding the reader of the multitude of the joys of
life awaiting him.
Thanks for sharing.
ray
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2010
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Good Morning,
This is a delightful poem and a great first read on
this Sunday morning. i enjoyed the tenor and pace
of your poem and the imagery and subject matter
discussed. "I welcome life" is a wonderful poem
reminding the reader of the multitude of the joys of
life awaiting him.
Thanks for sharing.
ray
Comment Written 24-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2010
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Thank you so much for the great review, Ray. Reviews like that make a poet's day! "Tenor" is a lovely term for the musical tone of the piece, the way I intended. There is something about this poem that it quickly became a favorite of mine, though it is only hours old! (smile). "I welcome life" repeat was my little invention; I wasn't sure about it, but glad you think it worked. Thanks again, love and hugs, Yelena
Comment from Tushy
A really joyful poem, captures so beautifully so many things in life we can celebrate. The rhyming is excellent, never falters and the imagery is rich and vivid. A truly enjoyable poem.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2010
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A really joyful poem, captures so beautifully so many things in life we can celebrate. The rhyming is excellent, never falters and the imagery is rich and vivid. A truly enjoyable poem.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2010
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Thank you so much for the great review. "Celebrate life" is the quintessential idea of this poem, and I am glad you think it worked. Hugs and love, Y.
Comment from AuroraSky
'the pair of son(g)birds hammering their nest'
Very peaceful and uplifting...sweet in its tone. Vivid descriptions take a reader there easily. :)
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reply by the author on 24-Oct-2010
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'the pair of son(g)birds hammering their nest'
Very peaceful and uplifting...sweet in its tone. Vivid descriptions take a reader there easily. :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2010
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Thank you so much for the great review and edit. Love and hugs, Y.
