Redemption
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Enigma"One Man's Return From Hell
29 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is another good addition to your novel. I only found one dialogue error. Good job.
Dax thought for a moment before answering. (comma)
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2010
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This is another good addition to your novel. I only found one dialogue error. Good job.
Dax thought for a moment before answering. (comma)
Comment Written 16-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2010
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Thank you for reading and for your help. I always appreciate it! Warm regards, Bill
Comment from acvguard11
great job.....i see why it is recognized and an all time best...very well written....great job and dont let others discoruage you....great job and keep writing
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2010
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great job.....i see why it is recognized and an all time best...very well written....great job and dont let others discoruage you....great job and keep writing
Comment Written 16-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2010
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Thank you very much for reading and your kind comments. Regards, Bill
Comment from Soledadpaz
I don't know why, but this chapter reminded me of the sleepy little Texas town that I'm from. And it also transported me to the time I was married to a police officer. Thanks for the nostalgia. I'm sure that was not your intention when you wrote this great chapter. Great read.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2010
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I don't know why, but this chapter reminded me of the sleepy little Texas town that I'm from. And it also transported me to the time I was married to a police officer. Thanks for the nostalgia. I'm sure that was not your intention when you wrote this great chapter. Great read.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2010
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Thanks for your comments! You've lived through some of this, so really appreciate your input. Regards, Bill
Comment from Siddhartha Jatana
Woah...
Wow!...what an interesting read...
Wonderful dialogue delivery...
Commendable plot...
Characters seemed real and lively...
Quite fascinating a title:)
Good job!
Well done!
Keep it up!
Wish you the best for the forthcoming chapters...
God bless u!
Love and regards,
Grandson, Sid
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2010
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Woah...
Wow!...what an interesting read...
Wonderful dialogue delivery...
Commendable plot...
Characters seemed real and lively...
Quite fascinating a title:)
Good job!
Well done!
Keep it up!
Wish you the best for the forthcoming chapters...
God bless u!
Love and regards,
Grandson, Sid
Comment Written 16-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2010
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Hi Sid - great to hear from you! I haven't seen a post from you lately. Regards, Grandpa.
Comment from carl8447
When I read the name Dax, science fiction pops into my head. Anyway good little crime story we have especially with the revelation of a meth lab.
Good work, good characters
Carl
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2010
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When I read the name Dax, science fiction pops into my head. Anyway good little crime story we have especially with the revelation of a meth lab.
Good work, good characters
Carl
Comment Written 16-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2010
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Thanks Carl - If you found it interesting, chapters 1 and 2 would give you enough background to follow the story. Thanks for reading and your kind feedback. Regards, Bill
Comment from Rama Rao
An excellent chapter which is taking the story forward at a good speed. Now that Stanley and Nikki found the lab, the next chapter will have lots of actions. Don't keep us waiting for long.
A few spags, I think.
Donny and Jake weren't pushovers, and he apparently ate their lunch-they for he.
but if you had seen the look on my face when Gus turned around, it alone would answer your question. -it alone would have answered your question.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2010
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An excellent chapter which is taking the story forward at a good speed. Now that Stanley and Nikki found the lab, the next chapter will have lots of actions. Don't keep us waiting for long.
A few spags, I think.
Donny and Jake weren't pushovers, and he apparently ate their lunch-they for he.
but if you had seen the look on my face when Gus turned around, it alone would answer your question. -it alone would have answered your question.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2010
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Thanks for reading and your helpful comments.
Comment from marcii
This chapter is pretty good though a few things bothered me and I may just be a bit picky today.
'Circling round,' sounds like it should be something at a rodeo it to me doesn't seem to fit the characters or situation.
Also the breakfast seen, you mention what she's making it and then the next minute they eat and coffee. Perhaps this could be worded better.
Overall the story continues to be good.
Marcii
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2010
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This chapter is pretty good though a few things bothered me and I may just be a bit picky today.
'Circling round,' sounds like it should be something at a rodeo it to me doesn't seem to fit the characters or situation.
Also the breakfast seen, you mention what she's making it and then the next minute they eat and coffee. Perhaps this could be worded better.
Overall the story continues to be good.
Marcii
Comment Written 16-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2010
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Thanks Marcii - I should be more sensitive to FS reader base. circle back around is a common phrase in the U.S. I'll look at the other area. I appreciate you reading and for the input. Regards, Bill
Comment from Realist101
Hi Bill! I could not see any spags! ") And this is a compelling and interesting read! We live in an area that has meth labs, supposedly, and this mix of meth and the bad kinds of hillbilly's is not a good one! And I think your dialogue is superb, I am trying to learn to do it better! Very good work here, as always Bill!! ") Susan
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2010
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Hi Bill! I could not see any spags! ") And this is a compelling and interesting read! We live in an area that has meth labs, supposedly, and this mix of meth and the bad kinds of hillbilly's is not a good one! And I think your dialogue is superb, I am trying to learn to do it better! Very good work here, as always Bill!! ") Susan
Comment Written 15-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2010
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Thanks Susan - I appreciate your feedback. I've very new to writing and dialogue has been something I've worked very hard at. Warm regards, Bill
Comment from Gungalo
Aha, so the plot thickens here and they have their hands full. Love the intrigue you've managed in this chapter and they way your characters have truly become ... real.
Sorry you, I mistakenly hit the wrong star button. Please forgive this poet. I love this write.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2010
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Aha, so the plot thickens here and they have their hands full. Love the intrigue you've managed in this chapter and they way your characters have truly become ... real.
Sorry you, I mistakenly hit the wrong star button. Please forgive this poet. I love this write.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2010
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Hi - Thanks for reading. A rating of four generally would suggests needs improvement. Is there anything that you might suggest. Regards, Bill
Comment from Fireshadow
Bill, this is an extremely well written narrative that flows and reads very smoothly with its detailed descriptions, crisp dialogue and words rich in texture. The storyline is evolving at a nice clip as you're strengthening the characters' profiles. Found no spag errors. Only one suggestion : sat on the built(-)in bench. Otherwise, very well done, my friend.
Ama
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2010
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Bill, this is an extremely well written narrative that flows and reads very smoothly with its detailed descriptions, crisp dialogue and words rich in texture. The storyline is evolving at a nice clip as you're strengthening the characters' profiles. Found no spag errors. Only one suggestion : sat on the built(-)in bench. Otherwise, very well done, my friend.
Ama
Comment Written 15-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2010
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Thanks Ama - I very much appreciate you reading and then taking the time to help! Warm regards, Bill