Nobody Wanted Me
A tale narrated by the ghost of a little girl.28 total reviews
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
BethShelby:
this is just too true -- there are
so many children with special needs
and even those who don't have special
needs who are treated like rubbish --
just something to be tossed away -- this
brought tears to my eyes
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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BethShelby:
this is just too true -- there are
so many children with special needs
and even those who don't have special
needs who are treated like rubbish --
just something to be tossed away -- this
brought tears to my eyes
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
Comment Written 10-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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Thank you so much for the review and the comments. Yes, it is a sad story. I appreciate you taking the time to read and tell me how you feel.
Beth
Comment from Realist101
Hi Beth!! WELL DONE! What a sad, and creepy tale of woe. I like the syle, as told thru the eyes of the child too. Nicely done, and the ending is perfect! ") luv, Susan
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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Hi Beth!! WELL DONE! What a sad, and creepy tale of woe. I like the syle, as told thru the eyes of the child too. Nicely done, and the ending is perfect! ") luv, Susan
Comment Written 10-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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Thank you Susan, I appreciate you reading and commenting on this.
Beth
Comment from Begin Again
Beth,
No apologies needed. Your story does accurately fit some parents of special need children...our world doesn't make everyone prepared to accept the extra responsibilities of a handicapped child. Some of us are blessed to see the love inside those children and work extra hard to accept it.
Loved the story and wish you well.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2010
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Beth,
No apologies needed. Your story does accurately fit some parents of special need children...our world doesn't make everyone prepared to accept the extra responsibilities of a handicapped child. Some of us are blessed to see the love inside those children and work extra hard to accept it.
Loved the story and wish you well.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 10-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2010
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Thank you Carol, All of the parents I know with these children feel they are blessed and I admire them because I think it takes a special kind of parent to cope. Unfortunately all special needs children are not so lucky. This story happened in Mississippi about 30 years ago. I was horrified and it still haunts me. I lived in the same town where it happened at the time.
Beth
Comment from Helen Tan
This is not what I would term a horror or thriller story BUT the events that took place - that's a scary thought. I can't imagine how people can be so evil. I enjoyed the charming voice of a child as the narrator.
Good luck in the contest.
I didn't understand a lot of things when I was alive. Now that I don't have a body anymore, my mind seems to work a lot better.
This opening line grabbed my attention - brilliant.
By the time they get here, it will be too late to revive her. We've got all those people coming to our dinner party in a few minutes. What will they think?
Evil!!!
Evelyn acted like nothing hadn't happened.
This is a double negative sentence - if you examine it, it actually means something happened. I think you mean "acted as if nothing had happened."
I think Evelyn knows I'm there because sometimes, she looks straight at me an starts breathing hard and screaming. They have to put a funny jacket on her so she can't move her arms. Then they put her in a place with padding on the walls. I think it's funny, so I intend to keep on hanging around her. I like to see her scream.
I think you did a great job describing the mental ward through the view of a child.
I like to see her scream. I've heard everyone is here for a reason. Maybe my reason is just to make her crazy. Evil people like her need to be punished, and I don't think prison is punishment enough.
I love the mischief in these lines and a sense of justice.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2010
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This is not what I would term a horror or thriller story BUT the events that took place - that's a scary thought. I can't imagine how people can be so evil. I enjoyed the charming voice of a child as the narrator.
Good luck in the contest.
I didn't understand a lot of things when I was alive. Now that I don't have a body anymore, my mind seems to work a lot better.
This opening line grabbed my attention - brilliant.
By the time they get here, it will be too late to revive her. We've got all those people coming to our dinner party in a few minutes. What will they think?
Evil!!!
Evelyn acted like nothing hadn't happened.
This is a double negative sentence - if you examine it, it actually means something happened. I think you mean "acted as if nothing had happened."
I think Evelyn knows I'm there because sometimes, she looks straight at me an starts breathing hard and screaming. They have to put a funny jacket on her so she can't move her arms. Then they put her in a place with padding on the walls. I think it's funny, so I intend to keep on hanging around her. I like to see her scream.
I think you did a great job describing the mental ward through the view of a child.
I like to see her scream. I've heard everyone is here for a reason. Maybe my reason is just to make her crazy. Evil people like her need to be punished, and I don't think prison is punishment enough.
I love the mischief in these lines and a sense of justice.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2010
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Thank you Helen, I really appreciate you in depth review and comments. The double negative was intentional because children tend to talk that way but since you saw it as a problem, I'll change it.
Beth
Comment from AlvinTEthington
A remarkable story. You have captured child abuse and neglect in all its cruelty. You demonstrate well the narcissism and self-absorption of many adults. I have some very minor copy editing suggestions--
Bill come here quick.--add comma after Bill (it's vocative.)
its your kid--I think the contraction it's would work better than the possessive its here.
guity-- correct to guilty
I would also suggest spell checking the author's notes.
I do hope you publish this. It needs to read over and over again, so people realize the cruelty that is present in our society.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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A remarkable story. You have captured child abuse and neglect in all its cruelty. You demonstrate well the narcissism and self-absorption of many adults. I have some very minor copy editing suggestions--
Bill come here quick.--add comma after Bill (it's vocative.)
its your kid--I think the contraction it's would work better than the possessive its here.
guity-- correct to guilty
I would also suggest spell checking the author's notes.
I do hope you publish this. It needs to read over and over again, so people realize the cruelty that is present in our society.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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Alvin, Thank you so much for the review and nice comments. I really appreciate the help with the spags. I've made the corrections. I would love to publish this. Do you have any suggestions as to where I might find a place to publish it?
Beth
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If you write me at AlvinTEthington@aol.com, I can give you some suggestions. You're welcome for the review.
Comment from Donald O. Cassidy
I think this qualifies as a horror story, Beth Shelby. But the way you tell it, I don't think it's far fetched. Seems to me it could very well have happened.
I won't say it's common for parents of an afflicted child to discriminate like this, nor to hate . In fact, several parents of retarded children I know exhibited deep love for their offspring.
But the crude party goers you describe didn't hesitate to hate and exhibit sinful pride that chooses sides about whom to hate.
We hear or read about parents who torture their children with cigarettes burns and other cruelty. Perhaps the only reason they don't kill them is for fear of prison. In any case, the covered up homicides may occur more often than we think.
Don
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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I think this qualifies as a horror story, Beth Shelby. But the way you tell it, I don't think it's far fetched. Seems to me it could very well have happened.
I won't say it's common for parents of an afflicted child to discriminate like this, nor to hate . In fact, several parents of retarded children I know exhibited deep love for their offspring.
But the crude party goers you describe didn't hesitate to hate and exhibit sinful pride that chooses sides about whom to hate.
We hear or read about parents who torture their children with cigarettes burns and other cruelty. Perhaps the only reason they don't kill them is for fear of prison. In any case, the covered up homicides may occur more often than we think.
Don
Comment Written 09-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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THank you so much for the review and insightful comments. This is based on something that happened in the seventies in Mississippi. The fictionalized part is ghost which is pure fantasy but I needed it tell the story from the childs perspective.
Beth
Comment from venusanblue
A good interesting story. The ghost of the child everywhere. I'm just glad she hangs around her step mum, giving her a good scare every day.
Nice, V,xx
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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A good interesting story. The ghost of the child everywhere. I'm just glad she hangs around her step mum, giving her a good scare every day.
Nice, V,xx
Comment Written 09-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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Thank you so much for the review. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on this.
Beth
Comment from missy98writer
Beth,
I read you story last night and although I was disturbed and enraged what her parents did to her. How horrible. My deceased sister, Tchinina, use to be an aid to several lovely retarded girls. She was enraged when she learned one of her clients boyfriend who was mildly retarded pimped her out to his friends. Your horror story is extremely well written. If I had a six left to dole out you'd get it. The art work of the moon matched your melancholy theme. Your narrative is wonderful and captures the ghost of the murdered little girl. Thank God both of those ^#@!&! (It's a bad word I can't write out because kids read these reviews). The last line was my favorite one: 'Evil people like her need to be punished, and I don't think prison is punishment enough." Your story is an awesome entry in the Horror story contest. I wish you good luck in the contest. Have a wonderful weekend. Wasn't your story a true incident that happened in the 70' or 80?
Melissa.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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Beth,
I read you story last night and although I was disturbed and enraged what her parents did to her. How horrible. My deceased sister, Tchinina, use to be an aid to several lovely retarded girls. She was enraged when she learned one of her clients boyfriend who was mildly retarded pimped her out to his friends. Your horror story is extremely well written. If I had a six left to dole out you'd get it. The art work of the moon matched your melancholy theme. Your narrative is wonderful and captures the ghost of the murdered little girl. Thank God both of those ^#@!&! (It's a bad word I can't write out because kids read these reviews). The last line was my favorite one: 'Evil people like her need to be punished, and I don't think prison is punishment enough." Your story is an awesome entry in the Horror story contest. I wish you good luck in the contest. Have a wonderful weekend. Wasn't your story a true incident that happened in the 70' or 80?
Melissa.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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Thank you Melissa, I really appreciate your review and in depth comments. I am honored that you think it worthy of six stars. Yes, this was a true story and it happened in the earty 70's if I am remembering right. I happened in Mississippi. Did you know about it when it happened?
Beth
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I watched one of those true crime TV shows and listened to what these creeps did to their retarded daughter. If I recall she was also sexually abuse along with physical abuse.
Melissa.
Comment from parisaboyd
I don't even know where to start. I enjoyed the story but it made me ill also. The little girl needs to pass over to the light and be with our maker. It was well written and high emotions flared up inside of me. Great work
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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I don't even know where to start. I enjoyed the story but it made me ill also. The little girl needs to pass over to the light and be with our maker. It was well written and high emotions flared up inside of me. Great work
Comment Written 09-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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Thank you so much for the review and comments. I'm sorry the story made you ill but that is the way I felt when this story hit the news. In order to tell it from her perspective, I needed her to still be around. This part is fiction so I don't really believe she is still around.
Beth
Comment from lola29
Wow! This is indeed a horror story. Oftentimes, I wonder how in the world can some people be so evil, especially the ones who hurt children. This should rank high in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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Wow! This is indeed a horror story. Oftentimes, I wonder how in the world can some people be so evil, especially the ones who hurt children. This should rank high in the contest.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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Thank you so much for the review and your comments. Horror is not something I enjoy but I thought this story needed to be told. I has stayed in my memory for a long time.
Beth
