Redemption
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Acceptance"One Man's Return From Hell
18 total reviews
Comment from patmedium
High suspense.I was wondering whether you would spring phase two here or in the next section. Thank you so much for this wonderful read. Pat.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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High suspense.I was wondering whether you would spring phase two here or in the next section. Thank you so much for this wonderful read. Pat.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Thank you very much for reading and for your support! Regards, Bill
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am liking this story.
Beth and Lael stood up and moved behind his chair. (You don't need to use the word up, they certainly aren't going to stood down.)
Dax chuckled, (I don't agree with it, but chuckled is like laughed, it neds a period.)
Dax smiled, (you guessed, period)
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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I am liking this story.
Beth and Lael stood up and moved behind his chair. (You don't need to use the word up, they certainly aren't going to stood down.)
Dax chuckled, (I don't agree with it, but chuckled is like laughed, it neds a period.)
Dax smiled, (you guessed, period)
Comment Written 24-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Thanks Barbara for your wonderful feedback and support. Much appreciated on both counts. Regards, Bill
Comment from anabelle
Oh, dear. It looks like the poor man never gets a chance to rest. But, I really liked this chapter. It told me a lot about all three of them, but especially about Dax. I remember being able to wake like that when the baby moved - even when there was music blaring in another room.
Good post.
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Oh, dear. It looks like the poor man never gets a chance to rest. But, I really liked this chapter. It told me a lot about all three of them, but especially about Dax. I remember being able to wake like that when the baby moved - even when there was music blaring in another room.
Good post.
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 24-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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I remember those baby days. I was actually the one to get up because it didn't bother me and I could go right back to sleep. Thanks for reading!
Comment from lola29
This is another great chapter. I'm glad to know that Dax's romantic emotions are not dead since he finds Beth to be a beautiful woman. A splash of romance is always a good thing. I'm glad he's there to help Beth and Lael; otherwise, I cringe to think what would happen.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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This is another great chapter. I'm glad to know that Dax's romantic emotions are not dead since he finds Beth to be a beautiful woman. A splash of romance is always a good thing. I'm glad he's there to help Beth and Lael; otherwise, I cringe to think what would happen.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Thanks for reading Lola and your continued support of this story. Regards, Bill
Comment from adewpearl
What's that, Beth - add comma for direct address
Before I go, Dax, I hope - add the first comma
That's enough, Dax - add comma
Good night, Dax - add comma
Excellent dialogue and interaction between Dax and Lael in this chapter, and great build up of suspense in the end. The detail about the guns adds a tone of credibility. Brooke
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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What's that, Beth - add comma for direct address
Before I go, Dax, I hope - add the first comma
That's enough, Dax - add comma
Good night, Dax - add comma
Excellent dialogue and interaction between Dax and Lael in this chapter, and great build up of suspense in the end. The detail about the guns adds a tone of credibility. Brooke
Comment Written 24-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Thanks Brooke - just whack me lightly with that ruler! I'm sure glad to have a teacher as a friend! Regards, Bill
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I'm not whacking any married men with any rulers! LOL
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
This was entertaining and enjoyable it has imagery and it flows well, and it held my interest right to the end I enjoyed reading it.No edit needed
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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This was entertaining and enjoyable it has imagery and it flows well, and it held my interest right to the end I enjoyed reading it.No edit needed
Comment Written 24-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Thanks you first for reading and then for your kind and generous review. Regards, Bill
Comment from RaymondJohn
Interesting story, but I feel I could have been drawn more into the action. If you are a camera, you are giving us medium shots rather than the close-ups that put you into the action with the characters. You have a lot of good things happening. I like the suspenseful ending with the first tumbler of the lock falling free. There are many fine writers who can show you the difference between your writing and the writing where the reader is right in the action. Best wishes. Ray.
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reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Interesting story, but I feel I could have been drawn more into the action. If you are a camera, you are giving us medium shots rather than the close-ups that put you into the action with the characters. You have a lot of good things happening. I like the suspenseful ending with the first tumbler of the lock falling free. There are many fine writers who can show you the difference between your writing and the writing where the reader is right in the action. Best wishes. Ray.
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Comment Written 24-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Thanks for reading Ray. As you certainly know, writing a book is different from a story. This was intended as a segue to a more action oriented chapter.
Comment from Lastamen
All the necessary ingredients for good story telling are here: intriguing characters, interesting situations, mounting tension, unforeseeable conclusions. This is a great continuation to the ongoing story. Nicely done.
Till the last amen
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reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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All the necessary ingredients for good story telling are here: intriguing characters, interesting situations, mounting tension, unforeseeable conclusions. This is a great continuation to the ongoing story. Nicely done.
Till the last amen
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Thanks for reading and your kind comments.
