Redemption
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Acceptance"One Man's Return From Hell
18 total reviews
Comment from marcii
Definitely good hearing, especially as he was asleep, Though as you say he was well trained to notice things and hear different things,knowing when to sleep and because of circumstance would have been a light sleeper.
Marcii
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2010
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Definitely good hearing, especially as he was asleep, Though as you say he was well trained to notice things and hear different things,knowing when to sleep and because of circumstance would have been a light sleeper.
Marcii
Comment Written 30-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2010
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I knew there was some reason I could always hear my children in the night! You really are catching up. Thank you very much!
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
Your description is okay, but Your dialogues are awesome.
Dax smiled. "I should be just fine. It means a lot to me that the two of you trust me enough to put me under your roof."
--- It has powerful striving power, great effort
k
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2010
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Your description is okay, but Your dialogues are awesome.
Dax smiled. "I should be just fine. It means a lot to me that the two of you trust me enough to put me under your roof."
--- It has powerful striving power, great effort
k
Comment Written 26-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2010
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Thanks for reading and your kind words. Regards, Bill
Comment from RazberryBullet
Got a chuckle here: Part of his training was to assess people in a hurry. These two rated high on his internal radar. :)
Lovely, lovely hook at the end!!!!
Well done!
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2010
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Got a chuckle here: Part of his training was to assess people in a hurry. These two rated high on his internal radar. :)
Lovely, lovely hook at the end!!!!
Well done!
Comment Written 25-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2010
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Thanks RB - always glad when you drop by. Regards, Bill
Comment from InHisownwrite
Alright! Just gets better and better......
I know alot more about the characters now.......
Where some have them have been.....
Why there are, the way they are.... etc.....
And as usual, those last couple of lines, that make you want to read further.....The tumbler had just sprung!
Love it! Bryan
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2010
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Alright! Just gets better and better......
I know alot more about the characters now.......
Where some have them have been.....
Why there are, the way they are.... etc.....
And as usual, those last couple of lines, that make you want to read further.....The tumbler had just sprung!
Love it! Bryan
Comment Written 25-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2010
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Thank you very much Bryan - I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from Sally Carter
Totally engrossing, Bill! Your story gets better with every chapter. I would definitely like to have a guard dog resembling Dax under my roof!
Great characters developing, and ditto relationships. I love the mixture of hardness and glimpses of vulnerability in Dax.
The technical stuff was well and simply explained for one who knows nothing at all about guns.
I confess I have forgotten who Luke was and how or why he was killed. Would you mind a quick reminder please?
A terrific, suspenseful ending.
Thoroughly enjoyable Bill! Keep up the wonderful work.
Sally
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2010
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Totally engrossing, Bill! Your story gets better with every chapter. I would definitely like to have a guard dog resembling Dax under my roof!
Great characters developing, and ditto relationships. I love the mixture of hardness and glimpses of vulnerability in Dax.
The technical stuff was well and simply explained for one who knows nothing at all about guns.
I confess I have forgotten who Luke was and how or why he was killed. Would you mind a quick reminder please?
A terrific, suspenseful ending.
Thoroughly enjoyable Bill! Keep up the wonderful work.
Sally
Comment Written 25-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2010
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Thank you Sally - Luke was Lael's brother and was killed in Afganistan (Army). I really appreciate your continued support!
Comment from amada
I haven't read previous chapters but I wanted to get acquainted with your writing. Your story brought me in, deep. I like the psychological portrait of the characters, not just their actions. The cast of characters brought me right in. Very well done!
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2010
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I haven't read previous chapters but I wanted to get acquainted with your writing. Your story brought me in, deep. I like the psychological portrait of the characters, not just their actions. The cast of characters brought me right in. Very well done!
Comment Written 25-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2010
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Thank you very much. If you wanted to read chapters 1 and 2, it would bring you up pretty much up to speed. Regards, Bill
Comment from Helen Tan
Bill, I've not read the other chapters so I'm not versed with the characters or plot but I found this chapter easy to follow. Great.
You are a highly organized.
This sentence is incomplete - either "...a highly organized person." or delete "a".
You are a highly organized. As I watched you stage your dishes and things, you perform tasks in a highly analytical way. You're a bit of an enigma in that unlike most highly organized individuals,
You have three mentions of "highly" in these sentences, you might want to look at this again.
Beth had grasped the handle and pointed the gun toward the back door.
I think you can delete "had" and leave it as "Beth grasped the handle and pointed the gun..." The tenses would be more consistent and the sentence reads sharper.
all doors and windows to the outside.
This is minor and could be just me BUT I would delete "to the outside" as windows and doors, especially lead to the inside as well.
To Dax, fifty was the perfect age for women ... then they just got better and better.
Okay...I need to meet Dax, send him over to Singapore soon!
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2010
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Bill, I've not read the other chapters so I'm not versed with the characters or plot but I found this chapter easy to follow. Great.
You are a highly organized.
This sentence is incomplete - either "...a highly organized person." or delete "a".
You are a highly organized. As I watched you stage your dishes and things, you perform tasks in a highly analytical way. You're a bit of an enigma in that unlike most highly organized individuals,
You have three mentions of "highly" in these sentences, you might want to look at this again.
Beth had grasped the handle and pointed the gun toward the back door.
I think you can delete "had" and leave it as "Beth grasped the handle and pointed the gun..." The tenses would be more consistent and the sentence reads sharper.
all doors and windows to the outside.
This is minor and could be just me BUT I would delete "to the outside" as windows and doors, especially lead to the inside as well.
To Dax, fifty was the perfect age for women ... then they just got better and better.
Okay...I need to meet Dax, send him over to Singapore soon!
Comment Written 25-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2010
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Thank you very much Helen - as always, I very much appreciate your input. I will definitely circle back around and make those changes. By the way, I dragged my wife over and made her read your post about hair-cuts. Of course, she looked at your picture and said, "What a little doll."
Comment from missy98writer
Bill,
chapter seven titled Acceptance is wonderfully written. I like Dax. Men with guns and badges are sexy in my opinion. Excellent dialogue and very descriptive writing. You have your characters down pat. Beth and Dax had a rapport. After Lael went off to bed Dax profiled Beth then they discussed guns. He told her the difference between a Colt .45 and a 38 special. He advised Beth the small 38 is better for her. He instructs her to pick it up. I liked it when Beth hugged Dax. What a man he was intrigued by her. I liked this line: " To Dax, fifty was the perfect age for women ... then they just got better and better." It's true women as they age get better like fine wine. There was suspense in the end of the chapter. Who's trying to pick the lock on the front door? What a great place to leave off and have the reader clamoring to read the next chapter. Marvelous chapter that's technically excellent and very entertaining. Thanks for entertaining me at 1am in the morning.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2010
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Bill,
chapter seven titled Acceptance is wonderfully written. I like Dax. Men with guns and badges are sexy in my opinion. Excellent dialogue and very descriptive writing. You have your characters down pat. Beth and Dax had a rapport. After Lael went off to bed Dax profiled Beth then they discussed guns. He told her the difference between a Colt .45 and a 38 special. He advised Beth the small 38 is better for her. He instructs her to pick it up. I liked it when Beth hugged Dax. What a man he was intrigued by her. I liked this line: " To Dax, fifty was the perfect age for women ... then they just got better and better." It's true women as they age get better like fine wine. There was suspense in the end of the chapter. Who's trying to pick the lock on the front door? What a great place to leave off and have the reader clamoring to read the next chapter. Marvelous chapter that's technically excellent and very entertaining. Thanks for entertaining me at 1am in the morning.
Melissa.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2010
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Hi Melissa - thank you for such a nice review. I appreciate it very much. You're reading a 1 am and I'm up at 6:00.
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written with a good hook at the end. It seems like Dax is in good with both ladies; one too young and the other just right. Good job.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2010
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This is very well written with a good hook at the end. It seems like Dax is in good with both ladies; one too young and the other just right. Good job.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2010
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Thanks for reading Charlie. I appreciate your support. Regards, Bill
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You're welcome, Bill. Charlie
Comment from RebelRose
Well, the scene seems to be set. Beth and Dax surely are getting along well. It's going to lead to something. Now, I am anxious to see who is breaking in the door. Very interesting and well written.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2010
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Well, the scene seems to be set. Beth and Dax surely are getting along well. It's going to lead to something. Now, I am anxious to see who is breaking in the door. Very interesting and well written.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2010
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Thanks Patty - I appreciate your reading and for your support. Regards, Bill
