Redemption
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "The Plot Thickens"One Man's Return From Hell
18 total reviews
Comment from marcii
So it is a kind of repeat of what dax and his family went through. Dax was who they wanted but went after his daughter and here Lael's mother is who they want but go after her instead.
Great chapter.
Marcii
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2010
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So it is a kind of repeat of what dax and his family went through. Dax was who they wanted but went after his daughter and here Lael's mother is who they want but go after her instead.
Great chapter.
Marcii
Comment Written 30-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2010
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Yep - just a bit of irony.
Comment from FredCollingwood
You're writing up a storm, Bill. Mom had better be careful. she's writing about some people with potential for harm. Well done.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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You're writing up a storm, Bill. Mom had better be careful. she's writing about some people with potential for harm. Well done.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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Hi Fred - thanks for reading. I never really considered writing a novel until I started following your great one with Mathew - thanks for being a muse!
Comment from Sally Carter
Good story, Bill. The list of characters in the author notes is also very helpful in prodding the memory between chapters. A good idea to help you pick up new readers as well I should think.
I enjoyed the action and the characters are building up well.
I found the sheriff's change of heart about arresting Dax rather strange, but perhaps it is part of the plot.
Is there a connect between he and the drug trade, and in particular, between he and the editorials in the paper."
Shouldn't this be "him" in both cases?
in car trunks and pick-up's and lab's in little old ladies garages - I don't think you need the apostrophes, but there does need to be one on ladies'
I specially liked the para about connecting the dots! Great image.
Still enjoying it, Bill, and looking forward to the next chapter.
Kindest regards
Sally
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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Good story, Bill. The list of characters in the author notes is also very helpful in prodding the memory between chapters. A good idea to help you pick up new readers as well I should think.
I enjoyed the action and the characters are building up well.
I found the sheriff's change of heart about arresting Dax rather strange, but perhaps it is part of the plot.
Is there a connect between he and the drug trade, and in particular, between he and the editorials in the paper."
Shouldn't this be "him" in both cases?
in car trunks and pick-up's and lab's in little old ladies garages - I don't think you need the apostrophes, but there does need to be one on ladies'
I specially liked the para about connecting the dots! Great image.
Still enjoying it, Bill, and looking forward to the next chapter.
Kindest regards
Sally
Comment Written 14-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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Thanks Sally - I'll definitely circle back around and take a look. I very much appreciate friends like you willing to help!
Comment from InHisownwrite
This chapter is great!
It's informative.....it's suspenseful.......
There are many directions that the story could take...
Many different angles.......
I love the character build up between Dax and Lael....
And as usual, the ending... Love it..
Bryan
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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This chapter is great!
It's informative.....it's suspenseful.......
There are many directions that the story could take...
Many different angles.......
I love the character build up between Dax and Lael....
And as usual, the ending... Love it..
Bryan
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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Thanks Bryan - I really appreciate your support! Regards, Bill
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It's getting very good! Bryan
Comment from patmedium
. Is there a connect between he and the drug trade, and in particular, between he and the editorials in the paper."
Now, Bill ... is this speech supposed to be rigid in this pattern, or can it be changed? Firstly, 'connect'... Any reason it's not 'connection'?
Then 'he' reads awkwardly, somehow. Why not overlay the first one with 'him' and the second with Boudreaux (or the other way around?)
You've gotta new camp follower. It's not often I can enter a book so far on, and be right there in the tale. Pat.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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. Is there a connect between he and the drug trade, and in particular, between he and the editorials in the paper."
Now, Bill ... is this speech supposed to be rigid in this pattern, or can it be changed? Firstly, 'connect'... Any reason it's not 'connection'?
Then 'he' reads awkwardly, somehow. Why not overlay the first one with 'him' and the second with Boudreaux (or the other way around?)
You've gotta new camp follower. It's not often I can enter a book so far on, and be right there in the tale. Pat.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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Hi Pat - it's wierd you isolated that one sentence. I struggled and re-wrote several times. I do appreciate the observation and I will re-visit. Regards, Bill
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As long as you don't take umbrage at my interference, chum! Just ignore me and I might go away (not much chance of that, this is a marvellous tale!) Pat.
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interference nothing. If you point something out, I'll always take a look. If better than mine, I will steal it shamelessly!
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I was thinking, the other day, about the HUGE variety of folk lurking within the bounds of fanstoryland ... Now I can cross the plagiarist off my list! LOL.
Comment from adewpearl
let's talk through some of the points - add apostrophe for contraction of let us
You work in more back story in a natural way, Bill, and make the circumstances in this small town sound both dangerous and intriguing. The angle of Lael's mother editorializing against the local drug business should make for some high drama. Brooke
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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let's talk through some of the points - add apostrophe for contraction of let us
You work in more back story in a natural way, Bill, and make the circumstances in this small town sound both dangerous and intriguing. The angle of Lael's mother editorializing against the local drug business should make for some high drama. Brooke
Comment Written 12-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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Thanks for reading Brooke and for you kind and generous help! Always much appreciated.
Comment from MS Writer
Interesting story line. Smooth dialogue and good characterization. Your characters are real people and seem intelligent. Good mystery.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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Interesting story line. Smooth dialogue and good characterization. Your characters are real people and seem intelligent. Good mystery.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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Thank you very much. I hope that you've read the previous chapters, especially 1 and 2. Regards, Bill
Comment from lola29
This is an excellent read, and I'm so impressed with how you put the sheriff in his place--he reads like a moron. I think maybe Dax has met his match in Lael. I'm loving this mystery, and so far, I haven't been able to figure it out.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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This is an excellent read, and I'm so impressed with how you put the sheriff in his place--he reads like a moron. I think maybe Dax has met his match in Lael. I'm loving this mystery, and so far, I haven't been able to figure it out.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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Well, Lola, even though I'm crazy about you, I have to keep you in suspense! The sheriff will be more complicated than it appears. If you like Lael, wait till you meet her mama! LOL Bill
Comment from RebelRose
You're right, the plot does thicken. I am anxious to see how this plays out. Sounds like Lael's mom may need some protection and maybe a break from writing her editorials until this blows over. Well done.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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You're right, the plot does thicken. I am anxious to see how this plays out. Sounds like Lael's mom may need some protection and maybe a break from writing her editorials until this blows over. Well done.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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Hi Patty - I do appreciate your support. Finding books much more complicated than stand alone stories, but enjoying it all. LOL Bill
Comment from Soledadpaz
Shouldn't it be "between (him) and the drug trade"
"between (him) and the editorials"
That was my thought exactly, they got to the girl as payback for the Mom. Good chapter. Sets up the conflict and fleshes our the characters. That sheriff sure is paranoid.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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Shouldn't it be "between (him) and the drug trade"
"between (him) and the editorials"
That was my thought exactly, they got to the girl as payback for the Mom. Good chapter. Sets up the conflict and fleshes our the characters. That sheriff sure is paranoid.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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Thanks for reading and for the input. I'll circle back around and take a look. You will find that the sheriff is paranoid for a reason!
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I was accused once of trying to take someone's job, by the person who had replaced me in the position I had voluntarily stepped down from! Talk about paranoid!!!
