Flash Fiction
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Stolen Treasure"Collection of Flash, Micro, etc.
35 total reviews
Comment from Belinda
Hi Carol, two 'carrots' are better than one, while 'four legs' -- from now on -- is a chocolate lover. I enjoyed reading this humorous piece. It's okay there are not pirate's treasures in the trunk... :)
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Hi Carol, two 'carrots' are better than one, while 'four legs' -- from now on -- is a chocolate lover. I enjoyed reading this humorous piece. It's okay there are not pirate's treasures in the trunk... :)
Comment Written 19-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Belinda,
Thanks so much...Carol
Comment from missy98writer
Writer,
your short flash fiction story was very well written, an enjoyable and an enjoyable read. Great title 'Stolen Treasure.' The limited words you used were paramount in setting up the theme, conflict, and resolution of your story. Excellent narrative, great dialogue and very descriptive writing. I especially enjoyed the paragraphs:
The air was stifling in the cramped attic space. The two carrot-topped twins perched atop the dusty trunk. A faint breeze wafted through the open window.
"Just do it!" Frankie's anticipation was growing by leaps and bounds.
"Oh, it's better than I imagined." Leaning against the trunk, they savored the dark, sweet chocolate.
"Just remember ... if asked, we're telling mom we saw Sammy take it."
I loved the fact they were blaming Sammy the dog and if the tykes knew anything they would know dogs aren't supposed to eat chocolate. I'm impressed Your short flash fiction used minimum word requirement for the maximum effect in your story. Your story was a delight to read. It was my pleasure to read your story. . .Melissa.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Writer,
your short flash fiction story was very well written, an enjoyable and an enjoyable read. Great title 'Stolen Treasure.' The limited words you used were paramount in setting up the theme, conflict, and resolution of your story. Excellent narrative, great dialogue and very descriptive writing. I especially enjoyed the paragraphs:
The air was stifling in the cramped attic space. The two carrot-topped twins perched atop the dusty trunk. A faint breeze wafted through the open window.
"Just do it!" Frankie's anticipation was growing by leaps and bounds.
"Oh, it's better than I imagined." Leaning against the trunk, they savored the dark, sweet chocolate.
"Just remember ... if asked, we're telling mom we saw Sammy take it."
I loved the fact they were blaming Sammy the dog and if the tykes knew anything they would know dogs aren't supposed to eat chocolate. I'm impressed Your short flash fiction used minimum word requirement for the maximum effect in your story. Your story was a delight to read. It was my pleasure to read your story. . .Melissa.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Melissa,
Thanks so much...Carol
Comment from Sasha
You have done it again! What a lovely and delightful story. Short, sweet, and to the point. You really have a knack (actually talent) for these. I can never find anything to correct and wouldn't even consider suggesting you change a single word. Great job with this one.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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You have done it again! What a lovely and delightful story. Short, sweet, and to the point. You really have a knack (actually talent) for these. I can never find anything to correct and wouldn't even consider suggesting you change a single word. Great job with this one.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Sasha,
Life still has me in a strangle hold but I hope to be back soon. Thank you for enjoying my work and the continued encouragement. Smiles, CArol
Comment from Realist101
HA! What fun, I thought this would be that they found something like a genie lamp? Or something left behind by a grandparent...super surprise and so very well done! I love it, realistic too...kids, myself included, do this! ") Love, Susan
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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HA! What fun, I thought this would be that they found something like a genie lamp? Or something left behind by a grandparent...super surprise and so very well done! I love it, realistic too...kids, myself included, do this! ") Love, Susan
Comment Written 19-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Susan,
Wishing you well, Susan...Thanks! Carol
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Carol ....
In this very short little story, what I didn't like was that the twins, having opened the box, decided that if they got caught, they would tell a lie and blame the dog.
From a writing point of view, there is nothing to suggest changing.
Love from ..... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Hullo Carol ....
In this very short little story, what I didn't like was that the twins, having opened the box, decided that if they got caught, they would tell a lie and blame the dog.
From a writing point of view, there is nothing to suggest changing.
Love from ..... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Nanete,
Life still has me in a strangle hold but I hope to be back soon. Thank you for enjoying my work and the continued encouragement. Smiles, CArol
Comment from Meshe Nair
Enjoyable story. I can visualize your story well. Kids do things that adults don't want them to do. Poor doggy it wasn't his day.
Nice flow. Good read.
Meshe Nair
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Enjoyable story. I can visualize your story well. Kids do things that adults don't want them to do. Poor doggy it wasn't his day.
Nice flow. Good read.
Meshe Nair
Comment Written 19-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Thank you so much..Carol
Comment from highlander104
Children, dogs and chocolate. However, rarely is dark chocolate sweet -- and how long was that candy up there in the attic? (A mother's nightmare--who stole my stash?)
Fun story.
Jean K.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Children, dogs and chocolate. However, rarely is dark chocolate sweet -- and how long was that candy up there in the attic? (A mother's nightmare--who stole my stash?)
Fun story.
Jean K.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Sorry for such a late thank you, but I do appreciate your support..Smiles, Carol
Comment from hotstuff
This is delightful. Just so typical of kids sneaking away to do something they've been told not to do. You had me smiling with this one. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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This is delightful. Just so typical of kids sneaking away to do something they've been told not to do. You had me smiling with this one. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Sorry for such a late thank you, but I do appreciate your support..Smiles, Carol
Comment from vandawalker
You're the expert at short stories. I can just picture the two boys, and your catchy ending leaves the reader laughing. This has mystery from a young child's perspective that older ones can remember and relate to also. Great job!
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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You're the expert at short stories. I can just picture the two boys, and your catchy ending leaves the reader laughing. This has mystery from a young child's perspective that older ones can remember and relate to also. Great job!
Comment Written 19-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Another apology and a heartfelt thank you...Carol
Comment from RKagan
I liked your story, because you did an excellent job of capturing the mind set and dialog of kids. That is very hard to do. I liked the art work as well.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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I liked your story, because you did an excellent job of capturing the mind set and dialog of kids. That is very hard to do. I liked the art work as well.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Sorry for such a late thank you, but I do appreciate your support..Smiles, Carol
