Shadow Lady
A fantasy visit15 total reviews
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Irish,
I enjoyed this poem very much, but I see it as a rhyming poem rather than free verse, specifically with abcb rhyme scheme.
I like the metaphors you present of your female friend to a freshly-released autumn "leaf", caught by you ... a "woodland stream" below.
I especially like the way you describe yourself, the "stream" ... "aloneness",
"You floated into my aloneness"
I also like the way you describe the energy of this maiden, the "leaf",
"Dipping, dancing, whirling"
She had quite an effect on you,
"You smiled and took my hand
Then suddenly I was walking
In a new and different land"
and,
"The sky was forever, ever blue
On that fulfillment day"
For some reason, she left you. And you let her go.
" 'Gainst your breast, they kissed your tears
As you slowly turned away"
It made her very sad. I like the way you made the meter work by tossing away the "A" and writing "'Gainst". It works.
The highlight of your poem comes in the last verse,
"But now, in sweet memory
With a part of you still here
I can smell the blossoms,
Hear the music, the music of the spheres"
In ancient Greece, Pythagoras and his followers believed that the moon, planets, and stars made music, a symphony in space. When she was with you, your life was filled with melodies. Just a memory now, though you still can hear the celestial music and smell the bouquet of flowers you gave her.
Thank God for memories, eh? You can't lose them. They keep coming back, sometimes painful, but always welcome.
This makes me think of a song. I discovered a Canadian musician a few years ago, and I bought two of her CDs. Her name is Shari Ulrich... veteran Canadian musician, recording artist, multi-instrumentalist, singer-songwriter. She was born October 17th, 1951 ... exactly one year later than me! Talented, too! The song is called "Everlasting Great Regret". Here's the link on Youtube... enjoy!
https://youtu.be/gNfD-ppnI0E
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2022
  |
Hi Irish,
I enjoyed this poem very much, but I see it as a rhyming poem rather than free verse, specifically with abcb rhyme scheme.
I like the metaphors you present of your female friend to a freshly-released autumn "leaf", caught by you ... a "woodland stream" below.
I especially like the way you describe yourself, the "stream" ... "aloneness",
"You floated into my aloneness"
I also like the way you describe the energy of this maiden, the "leaf",
"Dipping, dancing, whirling"
She had quite an effect on you,
"You smiled and took my hand
Then suddenly I was walking
In a new and different land"
and,
"The sky was forever, ever blue
On that fulfillment day"
For some reason, she left you. And you let her go.
" 'Gainst your breast, they kissed your tears
As you slowly turned away"
It made her very sad. I like the way you made the meter work by tossing away the "A" and writing "'Gainst". It works.
The highlight of your poem comes in the last verse,
"But now, in sweet memory
With a part of you still here
I can smell the blossoms,
Hear the music, the music of the spheres"
In ancient Greece, Pythagoras and his followers believed that the moon, planets, and stars made music, a symphony in space. When she was with you, your life was filled with melodies. Just a memory now, though you still can hear the celestial music and smell the bouquet of flowers you gave her.
Thank God for memories, eh? You can't lose them. They keep coming back, sometimes painful, but always welcome.
This makes me think of a song. I discovered a Canadian musician a few years ago, and I bought two of her CDs. Her name is Shari Ulrich... veteran Canadian musician, recording artist, multi-instrumentalist, singer-songwriter. She was born October 17th, 1951 ... exactly one year later than me! Talented, too! The song is called "Everlasting Great Regret". Here's the link on Youtube... enjoy!
https://youtu.be/gNfD-ppnI0E
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 11-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2022
-
Wow, I am humbled! Thank you for the galaxy of stars and this great, in-depth review! I don't know how you found this poem I posted some time ago. This poem was inspired by a love I lost to suicide when she was just 18. I do thank God for the memories, and I marvel at how they surface, mostly in dreams. Yes, sometimes painful, but always cherished and welcomed.
I will look up this Shari Ulrich, thank you for the reference.
Thanks again, irish
-
My pleasure, Irish! I really enjoyed your poem.
Comment from sunny39
Irish -what a beautiful and lilting tribute to your friend. Your words showed no bitterness nor distress as she was called away by the far and distant voice.
The flow of the poem carried this reader down a gentle path and you picked the perfect picture to accompany your words.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2010
 |
Irish -what a beautiful and lilting tribute to your friend. Your words showed no bitterness nor distress as she was called away by the far and distant voice.
The flow of the poem carried this reader down a gentle path and you picked the perfect picture to accompany your words.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2010
-
Thank you, Sunny, I always look forward to your thoughtful reviews. Thank you for the excellent rating. irish
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
I love it! It's sweet; it's romantic; it's alluring; it's enigmatic and it's impactful which makes it memorable.
I love the sweetness, the lazy meandering path it follows, the poignant memories it recalls and the physophical way in which it looks at a slice of life.
I also think that it is a lovely poem. OH, and did I tell you that I love it.
You are going to have to write something which is poor, otherwise everyone is going to think that I love your work per se.
Juliette.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2010
|
I love it! It's sweet; it's romantic; it's alluring; it's enigmatic and it's impactful which makes it memorable.
I love the sweetness, the lazy meandering path it follows, the poignant memories it recalls and the physophical way in which it looks at a slice of life.
I also think that it is a lovely poem. OH, and did I tell you that I love it.
You are going to have to write something which is poor, otherwise everyone is going to think that I love your work per se.
Juliette.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2010
-
You are such a perceptive lady! I look forward to your great insights, you do not realise how much you have helped me since my arrival here on FS. Your reviews are always constructive, and encourage me to become a better writer.Your insight into my motivation is remarkable, almost like you have watched me as I wrote the piece. Thank you for your friendship. irish
Comment from Alaskastory
'Shadow Lady' tells a complete story. It is a treat to read a poem that that does that. You've done a fine job. You have a great flare for poetry, Irish.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2010
|
'Shadow Lady' tells a complete story. It is a treat to read a poem that that does that. You've done a fine job. You have a great flare for poetry, Irish.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2010
-
Thank you so much, that is a real statement for my effort, coming from an accomplished writer like you! irish
Comment from adewpearl
Irish, your quatrains have smooth flow and strong abcb rhyming, and the bittersweet story you tell is beautifully romantic and haunting in tone. Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2010
|
Irish, your quatrains have smooth flow and strong abcb rhyming, and the bittersweet story you tell is beautifully romantic and haunting in tone. Brooke :-)
Comment Written 16-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2010
-
Thank you for taking your valuable time to review my effort. I appreciate your encouragement and the excellent rating. Your reviews are always helpful, and full of understanding. irish
Comment from IndianaIrish
Isn't it amazing when someone who meant so much to you, just a thought of them will bring back memories of scents, colors, sounds, we can even feel their kiss or tender embrace, and sometimes we can even remember their taste. My mind may be old, but my memories keep me young.
Excellent poem, irish.
Indy :>)
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2010
|
Isn't it amazing when someone who meant so much to you, just a thought of them will bring back memories of scents, colors, sounds, we can even feel their kiss or tender embrace, and sometimes we can even remember their taste. My mind may be old, but my memories keep me young.
Excellent poem, irish.
Indy :>)
Comment Written 16-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2010
-
Ah, you really hit a nerve there, you X-Rated lady! Your body may be aging(slightly), but your mind is just as sharp(and as sly)as ever! Thanks for the review, and the great rating! irish
Comment from MissMerri
This touching poem is almost a six. I love the sentiments expressed and the idea you've played with, of a person who is not in your life, but somehow has managed to continue to be a part of your dreams. I think maybe we all have a someone who is not 'here' but is still here in memory because they can never be forgotten. I love the whole poem but stumbled a little bit on "Gainst." Why couldn't you just say "Against your breast and kissed your tears" to avoid the old-style contraction? Also, I don't think you meant to have a space between the third and fourth line of that stanza did you? (It's a gremlin thing) Saying 'and' instead of 'they' makes for a little better flow, too. Just some ideas... though as is, it is still a stunning and stirring poem. I loved it.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2010
|
This touching poem is almost a six. I love the sentiments expressed and the idea you've played with, of a person who is not in your life, but somehow has managed to continue to be a part of your dreams. I think maybe we all have a someone who is not 'here' but is still here in memory because they can never be forgotten. I love the whole poem but stumbled a little bit on "Gainst." Why couldn't you just say "Against your breast and kissed your tears" to avoid the old-style contraction? Also, I don't think you meant to have a space between the third and fourth line of that stanza did you? (It's a gremlin thing) Saying 'and' instead of 'they' makes for a little better flow, too. Just some ideas... though as is, it is still a stunning and stirring poem. I loved it.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2010
-
Thank you for your great review, and the excellent rating. I debated on the 'Gainst, and I an old style guy, anyway. The space between the third and fourth lines just crept in there. I tried correcting that a few times, and then I ran out of time. I am glad that you enjoyed my little effort, in spite of the misnomers. Time is always a factor, and I am writing this from my respite at Disneyland. :) irish
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Irishauthorme,
Lovely tribute to someone you know. Nice fow to the verses and a goodrhythm to the lines. They convey the message very well.
Patrick
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2010
|
Hi Irishauthorme,
Lovely tribute to someone you know. Nice fow to the verses and a goodrhythm to the lines. They convey the message very well.
Patrick
Comment Written 15-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2010
-
Thanks again, Pat, I appreciate your support! irish
Comment from Adri7enne
You dance with words, Irish. You are developing new subtleties, or perhaps I have become more sensitive to your music. This piece is beautifully rhymed and the meter is dead on. Very touching. I loved it.
reply by Anonymous Member on 15-Aug-2010
|
You dance with words, Irish. You are developing new subtleties, or perhaps I have become more sensitive to your music. This piece is beautifully rhymed and the meter is dead on. Very touching. I loved it.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2010
reply by Anonymous Member on 15-Aug-2010
-
Thanks Kid, I had some pretty good imspiration from a fine lady who lives far away, but is nevertheless close in my thoughts.
Hmmm. irish
Comment from keepthefaith
I thought your poem was very good. It flowed very nicely.
So sorry for the loss of this special lady. Good dream. Liked the picture that accompanied this poem. great job!
reply by Anonymous Member on 15-Aug-2010
|
I thought your poem was very good. It flowed very nicely.
So sorry for the loss of this special lady. Good dream. Liked the picture that accompanied this poem. great job!
Comment Written 15-Aug-2010
reply by Anonymous Member on 15-Aug-2010
-
Hi and thank you so much for your kind words, and the excellent rating. I appreciate your encouragement! irish
