Viewing the World With Fresh Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "First Day of School"The fifteen Years of My Life
38 total reviews
Comment from jmdg1954
A very cute, honestly told and written story and fits the contest admirably. I liked the way you wrote this as if it were directly from the child.
Good luck in the contest...
John
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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A very cute, honestly told and written story and fits the contest admirably. I liked the way you wrote this as if it were directly from the child.
Good luck in the contest...
John
Comment Written 14-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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Thank you John, I appreciate your review and nice comments.
Comment from Meshe Nair
Hello,
This is a very cute story. It flows well and written nicely. I hope he did get back to school ask the girl's name! At least he has something to look forward to in a new school instead of sitting and crying not wanting to go to school.
Good read.
Meshe Nair
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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Hello,
This is a very cute story. It flows well and written nicely. I hope he did get back to school ask the girl's name! At least he has something to look forward to in a new school instead of sitting and crying not wanting to go to school.
Good read.
Meshe Nair
Comment Written 14-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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Thank you so much for the review and the excellent rating.
Comment from Jean Lutz
Delightful. Especially for me since I know several youngsters starting Pre-K this coming week. Look out world -- here they come. Best to you with this entry that could be a page in most parent's book.
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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Delightful. Especially for me since I know several youngsters starting Pre-K this coming week. Look out world -- here they come. Best to you with this entry that could be a page in most parent's book.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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Thank you for the lovely review. I enjoyed your comments.
Cheers,
Comment from jrsimms29
Your word choices are perfect for a little kid's point of view. It really helps shape the mood of the story. Grammatically, too--when you use a lot of ideas, strung together in a big long sentence, that is so perfect to the way an excited child talks.
I just have one minor suggestion. You say "daddy" and "mee-ma", but the mother is still "mom". Maybe try using "mommy"? It would help cement that child perspective.
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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Your word choices are perfect for a little kid's point of view. It really helps shape the mood of the story. Grammatically, too--when you use a lot of ideas, strung together in a big long sentence, that is so perfect to the way an excited child talks.
I just have one minor suggestion. You say "daddy" and "mee-ma", but the mother is still "mom". Maybe try using "mommy"? It would help cement that child perspective.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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Thanks for the review and you nice comment. I think you are probably right about the mom thing. I'm pretty sure he doesn't call her mom. That is more a teen-age thing.
Comment from seewhatimwritingnow
What a sweet 'First day at school' story you have written here, even more enjoyable because it is true. Love the picture- and I'm assuming that is your grandson? That picture would have been perfect for one of my posts- where I wrote about children being sent home from school because they wore the American flag on their tee-shirts! (a true story) on a Mexican Holiday. Well, I really enjoyed this story- and best of luck in the contest! Betty
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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What a sweet 'First day at school' story you have written here, even more enjoyable because it is true. Love the picture- and I'm assuming that is your grandson? That picture would have been perfect for one of my posts- where I wrote about children being sent home from school because they wore the American flag on their tee-shirts! (a true story) on a Mexican Holiday. Well, I really enjoyed this story- and best of luck in the contest! Betty
Comment Written 14-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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Thank you for the lovely review on this little story. Actually the picture was taken on the Fourth of July. He didn't wear it to school. It interesting your wrote about something in which you could have used this picture.
Comment from keepthefaith
I liked your writing prompt. It had an innocense about it. It was very easy to read. Very enjoyable. It can be scary going through new experiences, especially for a little kid. I know exactly how he felt. I still get that way. You somehow realize that what you were worrying about...there was no need to worry about it in the first place. Leave the worrying to God. Enjoy life. Good prompt!
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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I liked your writing prompt. It had an innocense about it. It was very easy to read. Very enjoyable. It can be scary going through new experiences, especially for a little kid. I know exactly how he felt. I still get that way. You somehow realize that what you were worrying about...there was no need to worry about it in the first place. Leave the worrying to God. Enjoy life. Good prompt!
Comment Written 14-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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Thanks so much for the review and your great comments. I agree with you about leaving the worring to God. It isn't easy for little child to do that.
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
Isn't it wonderful how grandkids let it all hang out for grandparents? This is really charming, and I love the authenticity, the ring of truth. Great line: "I don't know why grownups have to tell everything anybody tells them." Best wishes, Jeanie Mercer
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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Isn't it wonderful how grandkids let it all hang out for grandparents? This is really charming, and I love the authenticity, the ring of truth. Great line: "I don't know why grownups have to tell everything anybody tells them." Best wishes, Jeanie Mercer
Comment Written 14-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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Thank you Jeanie, I really appreciate the review and the comments. Grandkids are wonderfu.
Comment from Helen Tan
Looks like your grandson soon forgot his fear. For a child, I guess first day at school is like a big step into the adult world. I enjoyed this account. Good luck in the contest.
my stomach felt like it had big worms crawling around it in and my throat didn't want to swallow cause there was a lump there
I don't know nobody at this school, and there are thousands of kids there, maybe even a zillion.
You have captured the voice of a child well in these lines.
I followed her around because I thought she might like to be my girlfriend.
Ooh puppy love! I smiled at this.
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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Looks like your grandson soon forgot his fear. For a child, I guess first day at school is like a big step into the adult world. I enjoyed this account. Good luck in the contest.
my stomach felt like it had big worms crawling around it in and my throat didn't want to swallow cause there was a lump there
I don't know nobody at this school, and there are thousands of kids there, maybe even a zillion.
You have captured the voice of a child well in these lines.
I followed her around because I thought she might like to be my girlfriend.
Ooh puppy love! I smiled at this.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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Thank you Helen. I really appreciate the review and I loved your comments.
Comment from RebelRose
This is very cute and very realistic. Sounds just like the way a child would tell it. This is definitely following contest rules and telling it through the eyes of a child.
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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This is very cute and very realistic. Sounds just like the way a child would tell it. This is definitely following contest rules and telling it through the eyes of a child.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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Thank you RebelRose. I appreciate the review and positive comments.
Comment from june prescott
Cute story about going to a new school. I like the voice of the child and "maybe even a zillion" was just what a youngster would say. It's a little sad to me, though, that kids this young already seek the opposite sex. Too much TV, I guess. Good read and thanks for sharing this short story. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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Cute story about going to a new school. I like the voice of the child and "maybe even a zillion" was just what a youngster would say. It's a little sad to me, though, that kids this young already seek the opposite sex. Too much TV, I guess. Good read and thanks for sharing this short story. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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Thanks so much for the review and the comments. I agree that TV may be to blame for the early interest in the opposite sex. I'm sure I wasn't interested at that age.
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My pleasure! Cheers, JP
