Chronicles of the Wandering Man
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Terra Sanctum, A Shadow on the Grey"An extended story in poem form
106 total reviews
Comment from whizpurr ^-^
Congratulations, Feedlefump, on this mammoth undertaking:
Chronicles of the Wandering Man. Your poem is a great success. I enjoyed the sad adventure your imaginings took readers on. The words you chose are vivid and lively. Well done. Cheers, W ^-^
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Congratulations, Feedlefump, on this mammoth undertaking:
Chronicles of the Wandering Man. Your poem is a great success. I enjoyed the sad adventure your imaginings took readers on. The words you chose are vivid and lively. Well done. Cheers, W ^-^
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you, Whiz :-). I've had an amazing time writing this series. It's been hard work, but the feedback has been awesome. I'm so glad you enjoyed the final installment!
Mike
Comment from pugrpoems
Kudos on your poetry book! It's deep. These last chapters are well written. It reads well, and is enertaining. It is very dark especially the last line, "I am the hanging man." pugrpoems.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Kudos on your poetry book! It's deep. These last chapters are well written. It reads well, and is enertaining. It is very dark especially the last line, "I am the hanging man." pugrpoems.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you, Pug :-). I'm so glad you enjoyed this final chapter.
Mike
Comment from Bulfornite
this is wonderfull creates very good imagery and was very satifying to read my favourite part was The town was gone by fire and air;
a kiss blown to the sky, as it described the village flying away like you had blown a kiss which brought a pitcure to my head and a blown kiss usually travels ast as u would expect the village to if the oil was lit under the village :)
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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this is wonderfull creates very good imagery and was very satifying to read my favourite part was The town was gone by fire and air;
a kiss blown to the sky, as it described the village flying away like you had blown a kiss which brought a pitcure to my head and a blown kiss usually travels ast as u would expect the village to if the oil was lit under the village :)
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you, Bulf :-). I'm so glad you enjoyed the read.
Mike
Comment from Mª Luisa López Pisú
Fascinatiłn, the best poem, congratulaciłn.
To much inspiratiłn, is very in yours vers. Armoniłn and fluid. you enjorys me. trantes very much. God bless you.
Din¡mica
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Fascinatiłn, the best poem, congratulaciłn.
To much inspiratiłn, is very in yours vers. Armoniłn and fluid. you enjorys me. trantes very much. God bless you.
Din¡mica
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you so much for your fantastic review :-)
Mike
Comment from spiritsoul
Writing about dark subjects, such as nuclear residue, can be somewhat difficult. You managed to put things in perspective by using the quantrains, and that is good. Your descriptive words made the thought process work well.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Writing about dark subjects, such as nuclear residue, can be somewhat difficult. You managed to put things in perspective by using the quantrains, and that is good. Your descriptive words made the thought process work well.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you, Spirit :-). I was hoping to craft something a little different from a much-imagined scenario. I'm so glad you enjoyed the read!
Mike
Comment from jadapenn
Hi Mike, this is awesome, but gruesome. Gees, you flow through these stanzas with such dark words it makes me quite scared. Hope we don't destruct in this way. I think I have caught some of the previous chapters. This is indeed intriguing.
My shattered form was animate
and muscles clung to bone,
but skin was now a blackened crisp
and burnt flesh my cologne.
This little stanza will put me clean off my French perfume. lol. well written. luv jada
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Hi Mike, this is awesome, but gruesome. Gees, you flow through these stanzas with such dark words it makes me quite scared. Hope we don't destruct in this way. I think I have caught some of the previous chapters. This is indeed intriguing.
My shattered form was animate
and muscles clung to bone,
but skin was now a blackened crisp
and burnt flesh my cologne.
This little stanza will put me clean off my French perfume. lol. well written. luv jada
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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lol, thanks Jada. I'm so glad you enjoyed the read :-). I've actually had one reviewer mark me down a star because of the effectiveness of the unpleasant imagery, which is a back handed compliment if ever I received one! So glad you enjoyed, and look out for adverts for "Charred Flesh for men" and "Crispy Skin for women" very soon!
Mike
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Ugh, you are so dark. lol. How about the graveyard shift??? lol. I enjoy your great works of art.
Comment from LadyCosgrove
Beautifully put together but so dark and angry that it is very difficult to read. Technically, a very well constructed piece with great flow and enormous depth.
In many places it was like receiving physical blows to the head. Uncomfortable and often nightmarish.
So, Well done - I think.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Beautifully put together but so dark and angry that it is very difficult to read. Technically, a very well constructed piece with great flow and enormous depth.
In many places it was like receiving physical blows to the head. Uncomfortable and often nightmarish.
So, Well done - I think.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you. It's certainly an unpleasant subject matter. Thanks for reading through regardless and pausing to leave me your thoughts.
Mike
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You're welcome :o)
Comment from Earthwriter
excellent job and the length of thispiece is absolutely amazing my friend i am giving six stars for the quantity quality and dedication that made this piece happen awesome job
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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excellent job and the length of thispiece is absolutely amazing my friend i am giving six stars for the quantity quality and dedication that made this piece happen awesome job
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you, Earth :-). I'm bowled over by your awesome comments and rating. This last chapter took me a good couple of weeks to write, with much fiddling and altering (indeed, it went from three parts to five at one point, hence the length!). The result is something I'm very happy with. Thanks for the amazing review!
Mike
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You are welcome mike i am stingy with sixes and this one was oh so deserving
Monte
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Mike:
what a story -- I am going to
have to go back to the beginning
to read, too
these quatrains are powerful
steps to the end of the story
thanks for sharing
love, jan
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Mike:
what a story -- I am going to
have to go back to the beginning
to read, too
these quatrains are powerful
steps to the end of the story
thanks for sharing
love, jan
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you, Jan. I'm so please with how this eventually turned out, and the amazing feedback I've had. Thanks for the great comments!
Mike
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Mike ...
This has, indeed, been a mammoth work for you and what I like about what you have written in this last section is the thought-provoking message about what mankind have done to an otherwise perfect world.
There are just two lines which I believe need working on in order to correct the metre and thus the rhythm ...
* without bipedal interference
each day dusk would set
These are not in confirmity with the metre used in the rest of this part of your book.
Now, I wish you well with what you have written.
Love from ...... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Hullo Mike ...
This has, indeed, been a mammoth work for you and what I like about what you have written in this last section is the thought-provoking message about what mankind have done to an otherwise perfect world.
There are just two lines which I believe need working on in order to correct the metre and thus the rhythm ...
* without bipedal interference
each day dusk would set
These are not in confirmity with the metre used in the rest of this part of your book.
Now, I wish you well with what you have written.
Love from ...... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Argh, you caught me! Thank you, Nanatte :-) I did consider adding an author's note, explaining that there is one couplet which is 9/5 rather than 8/6. However, if read as a couplet it works, and my numerous attempts to change it only ended up with inferior lines, so I took the decision to leave it in.
I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter; it was important to me to get it just right. I hope you can forgive my little structural wobble... pretty please? :-)
Mike
