Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "My Friend, Jasper and Me"A book of a mixture of stories
17 total reviews
Comment from minopavlic
Carol, nice to have you back, as many I'm sure have missed you. What a compelling contest entry, which in my books is a sure winner. Full of realism, emtions and insightful wisdom, which allows for a learning experience.
no_obstacle
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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Carol, nice to have you back, as many I'm sure have missed you. What a compelling contest entry, which in my books is a sure winner. Full of realism, emtions and insightful wisdom, which allows for a learning experience.
no_obstacle
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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no obstacle,
Thank you so much for all your support and encouragement. Smiles, Carol
Comment from adewpearl
It is good to see you posting, Carol - what a horrific thing for any child to go through and you describe it so well from a child's point of view - her fear that her mommy will be mad at her peeing her pants, her reluctance to allow strangers into the house, her fears and yet her listening to what she was taught about 911. A really good job of making sure this is from a small child's point of view. Brooke
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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It is good to see you posting, Carol - what a horrific thing for any child to go through and you describe it so well from a child's point of view - her fear that her mommy will be mad at her peeing her pants, her reluctance to allow strangers into the house, her fears and yet her listening to what she was taught about 911. A really good job of making sure this is from a small child's point of view. Brooke
Comment Written 16-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Brooke,
One problem passes and another drops into take its place...Sorry for my delay in responding. Thank you...Carol
Comment from MercyWrites
I loved your story! The first thing about it that caught
my attention was the dialogue. It sounded authentic and just like a child. Good move adding tension with the storm.
My only nitpick. I'm reading this story through Jamie's point of view.She is talking with the operator over the phone so how does she know the operator is smiling."No, they don't need guns." She smiled. "You are the hero today." I think you need a different tag.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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I loved your story! The first thing about it that caught
my attention was the dialogue. It sounded authentic and just like a child. Good move adding tension with the storm.
My only nitpick. I'm reading this story through Jamie's point of view.She is talking with the operator over the phone so how does she know the operator is smiling."No, they don't need guns." She smiled. "You are the hero today." I think you need a different tag.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Mercy,
My sincere apologies..Awesome review and greatly appreciated...Life dumped a bucket of Yuck on my head of late...Thanks for adding some sunshine. Carol
Comment from Frances Jean
'wetness tricked down' = trickled
'pajama' = pyjama
'branches scrapped' = scraped
A lovely little story. A few spags but overall very well done. Good luck in the competition Frances
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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'wetness tricked down' = trickled
'pajama' = pyjama
'branches scrapped' = scraped
A lovely little story. A few spags but overall very well done. Good luck in the competition Frances
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Thank you...Carol
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form, good flow, good storyline, i enjoyed reading this story. it is heartfelt and warming to the soul. i wish you luck in the contest
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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this is very well written with good form, good flow, good storyline, i enjoyed reading this story. it is heartfelt and warming to the soul. i wish you luck in the contest
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Sorry for my tardiness..Life is not being kind of late. Appreciate your kindness. Smiles, Carol
Comment from melyuki
oh my, such a compelling story of a childs plight, in a moment of terror,and with the love and faith of a wonderful friend, she has been proclaimed the hero of a day. such a story could be so believable and for the teachings of a parent, unknowingly, that gentle whisper of wisdom and learning has been told.. thanks for sharing such a warm and emotional moment in a child's life. smiling with you , luv melxxxxxxx
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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oh my, such a compelling story of a childs plight, in a moment of terror,and with the love and faith of a wonderful friend, she has been proclaimed the hero of a day. such a story could be so believable and for the teachings of a parent, unknowingly, that gentle whisper of wisdom and learning has been told.. thanks for sharing such a warm and emotional moment in a child's life. smiling with you , luv melxxxxxxx
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Sis,
A bit of sunshine smiles my way ..Thank God for you! Sis
Comment from Matt9537
I really enjoyed this story. I felt it was really well told, Jamie's a very believable character and acts relistically to the events before her.
Excellant!
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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I really enjoyed this story. I felt it was really well told, Jamie's a very believable character and acts relistically to the events before her.
Excellant!
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Sorry for my tardiness..Life is not being kind of late. Appreciate your kindness. Smiles, Carol
Comment from rmdelta
Beautiful contest entry and a more wonderful story. Great descriptives fill the work and provide us vivid imagery. The dialogue is powerful and well done. Good luck in the contest.
Reggie
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Beautiful contest entry and a more wonderful story. Great descriptives fill the work and provide us vivid imagery. The dialogue is powerful and well done. Good luck in the contest.
Reggie
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Sorry for my tardiness..Life is not being kind of late. Appreciate your kindness. Smiles, Carol
Comment from ulster3
Hello author.
This is a great story. While it gives the child's perspective, I can see why you gave importance to the setting. You'll have to do a follow-up, because I'd like to know what happened after the EMS came. lol. Thanks for an excellent read.
Fondly, Rebecca
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Hello author.
This is a great story. While it gives the child's perspective, I can see why you gave importance to the setting. You'll have to do a follow-up, because I'd like to know what happened after the EMS came. lol. Thanks for an excellent read.
Fondly, Rebecca
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Sorry for my tardiness..Life is not being kind of late. Appreciate your kindness. Smiles, Carol
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Sorry to hear. I hope today begins better things dear. Love.
Comment from gramalot8
Feel really bad for the little girl.. I was hoping that her Mommy would wake up when she got nearer. Good job. Well written and good flow of words and imagery. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Feel really bad for the little girl.. I was hoping that her Mommy would wake up when she got nearer. Good job. Well written and good flow of words and imagery. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Sorry for my tardiness..Life is not being kind of late. Appreciate your kindness. Smiles, Carol