Redemption
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Child of God"One Man's Return From Hell
53 total reviews
Comment from Bridge
A very well written story. very engrossing too. ?It soon managed to capture my interest.A very touching story..especialy right at the end.I liked the story
Shetu
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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A very well written story. very engrossing too. ?It soon managed to capture my interest.A very touching story..especialy right at the end.I liked the story
Shetu
Comment Written 23-May-2010
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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Thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed! Bill
Comment from apelle
Excellent
This is excellent, very dynamic , fast moving story .
The writing is very smooth and allows the story to flow and the reader to imagine may of the settings or characters.
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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Excellent
This is excellent, very dynamic , fast moving story .
The writing is very smooth and allows the story to flow and the reader to imagine may of the settings or characters.
Comment Written 23-May-2010
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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Thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed! Bill
Comment from Shirley McLain
What a great story. It is full of action and suspense and the good guy won. This guy would make a good character in a book. I did not find any spag. Good job.
reply by the author on 22-May-2010
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What a great story. It is full of action and suspense and the good guy won. This guy would make a good character in a book. I did not find any spag. Good job.
Comment Written 22-May-2010
reply by the author on 22-May-2010
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Thanks for reading and for your great feedback. Why wouldn't you like? Dax sounds like a Texan!
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
This is a good contest entry. The start was good, and it picked up pace in the middle, the ending sentence was powerful and kinda twist in the story.
best of luck
K
reply by the author on 22-May-2010
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This is a good contest entry. The start was good, and it picked up pace in the middle, the ending sentence was powerful and kinda twist in the story.
best of luck
K
Comment Written 22-May-2010
reply by the author on 22-May-2010
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Thanks K. I always appreciate your input and comments!
Comment from JW
This was a very touching story and your use of description was excellent. The reader could easily visualize the scene before them.
One recommendation: Many times it's better to use Yeah, instead of Yea.
Great job.
Jonathon
reply by the author on 22-May-2010
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This was a very touching story and your use of description was excellent. The reader could easily visualize the scene before them.
One recommendation: Many times it's better to use Yeah, instead of Yea.
Great job.
Jonathon
Comment Written 22-May-2010
reply by the author on 22-May-2010
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Thank you very much for reading and for taking the time to critique! You are right, and if you read again, you will definitely see yeah!
Comment from rmdelta
bhogg,
this is a terrific story, my friend. Wonderful details within your descriptives allow great imagery, while the strength of the story is you dialogue, which is realistic and believable. Good luck in the contest.
Reggie
reply by the author on 22-May-2010
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bhogg,
this is a terrific story, my friend. Wonderful details within your descriptives allow great imagery, while the strength of the story is you dialogue, which is realistic and believable. Good luck in the contest.
Reggie
Comment Written 22-May-2010
reply by the author on 22-May-2010
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Hi Reggie feedback is even more special when it comes from someone who's work I enjoy. Thanks!
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Hi Reggie - hope you get a chance to read my recent post, Melancholy Musings.
Comment from CaptainKurt
This was absolutely fantastic! I had goose-bumps at the end. You may want to check if God send isn't actually Godsend, but other than that I truly enjoyed the story. Let's hear it for the old guys! Thanks for inviting me to check-out your portfolio... Kurt
reply by the author on 22-May-2010
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This was absolutely fantastic! I had goose-bumps at the end. You may want to check if God send isn't actually Godsend, but other than that I truly enjoyed the story. Let's hear it for the old guys! Thanks for inviting me to check-out your portfolio... Kurt
Comment Written 22-May-2010
reply by the author on 22-May-2010
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Thanks Kurt - I really appreciate that you read the story and for your upbeat response!
Comment from fairydancer
This is a very gripping and intriging story - I like!
You have described your 'strong character' very well.
I really like how the 'past it, quiet looking one' (no offense meant! LOL) beats the two young whipper snappers!
I like how he walks on the railroad ties - good idea!
One possible spag: "What are (you) doing old man?
Well done - good luck in the competition - Cally :)
reply by the author on 22-May-2010
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This is a very gripping and intriging story - I like!
You have described your 'strong character' very well.
I really like how the 'past it, quiet looking one' (no offense meant! LOL) beats the two young whipper snappers!
I like how he walks on the railroad ties - good idea!
One possible spag: "What are (you) doing old man?
Well done - good luck in the competition - Cally :)
Comment Written 22-May-2010
reply by the author on 22-May-2010
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Hi Cally - thank you so much for your feedback. I very much appreciate it. I'll circle back around on the spag!
Comment from laren
This is a great story which kept my attention from the begining. You made a good description of the battle with the two young men and the end gives me comfort.
Congratulations!
Laren
reply by the author on 22-May-2010
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This is a great story which kept my attention from the begining. You made a good description of the battle with the two young men and the end gives me comfort.
Congratulations!
Laren
Comment Written 22-May-2010
reply by the author on 22-May-2010
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Thank you Laren - I'm glad that you read and enjoyed!
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Thank you for sharing,
Laren
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Hi Laren - I would really appreciate your feedback on my most current post, Melancholy Musings. Bill
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Hi Laren - I would really appreciate your feedback on my most current post, Melancholy Musings. Bill
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Thank you, I'm going to read it.
Laren
Comment from M. Karol
Wonderful write hogg. Only seen in movies. Yes he was a strong character in every sense and the girl was lucky.
I like the end though; some sort of balm for the hero.
madhvi
reply by the author on 22-May-2010
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Wonderful write hogg. Only seen in movies. Yes he was a strong character in every sense and the girl was lucky.
I like the end though; some sort of balm for the hero.
madhvi
Comment Written 22-May-2010
reply by the author on 22-May-2010
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Thanks for your insight M! I really was trying to balance out the hero. First the walk on the railroad ties and then the connect with the girl.
