Redemption
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Child of God"One Man's Return From Hell
53 total reviews
Comment from marcii
This is a good first chapter of a story.
Your descriptions are great, I really thought I was watching the old guy kicking butt.
Great ending to the chapter.
One thing did you mean rake or was it meant to be take.
Marcii
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2010
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This is a good first chapter of a story.
Your descriptions are great, I really thought I was watching the old guy kicking butt.
Great ending to the chapter.
One thing did you mean rake or was it meant to be take.
Marcii
Comment Written 30-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2010
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Marcii - you definitely win the "Glutton for Punishment" Award. Thank you for reading all posts! Regards, Bill
Comment from patmedium
"You know, old man, I'd like too, but I can't [to]
-but you are a God send! [I think God-send should be hyphenated]
No wonder you won the competition with this story. It's a powerful tale, indeed. Pat.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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"You know, old man, I'd like too, but I can't [to]
-but you are a God send! [I think God-send should be hyphenated]
No wonder you won the competition with this story. It's a powerful tale, indeed. Pat.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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Pat - thank you for your kind words!
Comment from sugardog
Wow...wonderfully told story!! I really enjoyed this piece and felt as though you told a realistic and emotional story. Your characters were well developed(realistic dialogue)and I could envision the people and place. Very touching ending-great writing!! You are a great writer. Dana
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2010
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Wow...wonderfully told story!! I really enjoyed this piece and felt as though you told a realistic and emotional story. Your characters were well developed(realistic dialogue)and I could envision the people and place. Very touching ending-great writing!! You are a great writer. Dana
Comment Written 01-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2010
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Thank you very much Dana - first for reading and then making my day with a six rating and kind words! Regards, Bill
Comment from Pamela Daniell
I Liked it, it drew me in and made me want to read more. I am defiantly going to continue on and read awakening. Good luck and keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2010
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I Liked it, it drew me in and made me want to read more. I am defiantly going to continue on and read awakening. Good luck and keep up the good work.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2010
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Thanks for reading and for the kind words.
Comment from SiscoMolina
Loved it! This is my kind of stuff. Love stories about the discarded, discounted, and underestimated vet. Found no SPAG and thouroghly enjoyed the read. Hope you grow it into a full length novel. You are off to a great start!
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2010
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Loved it! This is my kind of stuff. Love stories about the discarded, discounted, and underestimated vet. Found no SPAG and thouroghly enjoyed the read. Hope you grow it into a full length novel. You are off to a great start!
Comment Written 16-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2010
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Wow, Jelly. You reached back in to the archives for this one. Wish you could have read for a few more dollars and points. I am trying to outline some things right now that would expand on this character. I very much appreciate you reading and for your kind words. Regards, Bill
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The money is just how we keep score. I'm in it for the stories.
Comment from JoAnna77
I enjoyed reading this story - which is very well told. So glad that the girl was rescued, and what a surprise for the two younger men - to find the sixty year old man who was more than a match for them.
I like the twist at the end - where the girl has the same name as the older man's daughter.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2010
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I enjoyed reading this story - which is very well told. So glad that the girl was rescued, and what a surprise for the two younger men - to find the sixty year old man who was more than a match for them.
I like the twist at the end - where the girl has the same name as the older man's daughter.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2010
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Hi JoAnna - thanks for going back into the archives! I've been outlining another story to bring back Dax. Regards, Bill
Comment from MissMerri
I loved this story! I can certainly see why it won first place in the contest. You know how to create sympathetic characters, to make the reader care what happens to them, and you also handled the fight descriptions SO well. All of this was vivid and strongly written. Congratulations on a well-deserved win.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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I loved this story! I can certainly see why it won first place in the contest. You know how to create sympathetic characters, to make the reader care what happens to them, and you also handled the fight descriptions SO well. All of this was vivid and strongly written. Congratulations on a well-deserved win.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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Thanks MM - I appreciate your feedback and the kind words. This was actually a stretch for me because what I normally write is non-fiction. One of the other members of FS encouraged me to get out of my comfort zone. One of the nice things about FS. Thanks again!
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Yes... many times I've had to meet a similar challenge and feel the same about FS. It pushes us to heights we'd never imagined. lol
Comment from patwannabe
dhogg,
Congratulations for winning the strong character contest. A well deserved recognition for a wonderful story.
I don't usually give sixes. Well done, pat
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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dhogg,
Congratulations for winning the strong character contest. A well deserved recognition for a wonderful story.
I don't usually give sixes. Well done, pat
Comment Written 06-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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Thanks again Pat.
Comment from rama devi
Wow, I can see why this one won the contest---OUTSTANDING!
Congratulations.
This is an excellent writing on all levels. the character, the plot and the writing style with fine sentence structure, excellent detail and dialog and swift, smooth pace and flow. Also, spag free.
Kudos!
Applause.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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Wow, I can see why this one won the contest---OUTSTANDING!
Congratulations.
This is an excellent writing on all levels. the character, the plot and the writing style with fine sentence structure, excellent detail and dialog and swift, smooth pace and flow. Also, spag free.
Kudos!
Applause.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 06-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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Thanks again!
Comment from Jnetgame
Great job on this story. Althouh I don't usually like violent stories, I was glad to see the two crimininals get what they deserved. Good luck in the strong character contest.
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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Great job on this story. Althouh I don't usually like violent stories, I was glad to see the two crimininals get what they deserved. Good luck in the strong character contest.
Comment Written 23-May-2010
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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Thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed. I wrote this basically as a challenge from one of the other FS members who said that I needed to get out of my comfort zone. I usually write non-fiction. As an old time Southerner, I'm certainly not violent or a fighter - more of a romantic and a lush!
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Hi - just to let you know that I don't always write vilent stuff. Please read my most recent post, Melancholy Musings.
