Shadow On The Landing
A 200 word horror/thriller contest entry.16 total reviews
Comment from nora arjuna
Hi sandollar, thank you for joining the contest. Good plot, but the way it's written doesn't deliver the horror impact. You're telling us, not showing us. Let us experience her fear, show us what she saw and how it's affecting her. Meaning we need to get into her head.
Best wishes to you in the contest.
reply by the author on 10-May-2010
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Hi sandollar, thank you for joining the contest. Good plot, but the way it's written doesn't deliver the horror impact. You're telling us, not showing us. Let us experience her fear, show us what she saw and how it's affecting her. Meaning we need to get into her head.
Best wishes to you in the contest.
Comment Written 10-May-2010
reply by the author on 10-May-2010
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Thank you for reading and reviewing, I'll have to work on the showing, not telling aspect.
Sandollar
Comment from Vladilynn
This so sad..we all know some of the elder will just let theirselves follow the reaper's voice. It's scary enough if we knew someone near us that done this.
Good luck to you too!
Love much
Lynn:0)
reply by the author on 10-May-2010
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This so sad..we all know some of the elder will just let theirselves follow the reaper's voice. It's scary enough if we knew someone near us that done this.
Good luck to you too!
Love much
Lynn:0)
Comment Written 10-May-2010
reply by the author on 10-May-2010
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Thanks so much for your review and stars. I'm very happy you enjoyed this.
Sandollar
Comment from jack silver
this was a really well written short story. It suited the contest it's in. good luck to you in winning it. really enjoyed reading it
reply by the author on 09-May-2010
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this was a really well written short story. It suited the contest it's in. good luck to you in winning it. really enjoyed reading it
Comment Written 09-May-2010
reply by the author on 09-May-2010
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Thank you so much for great review and stars. I'm happy you enjoyed it. Thank you for the good wishes.
Sandollar
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no problemo
Comment from fionageorge
Oh, how sweet. Not sure about the horror, but it was for her. Although it would seem she somehow knew he was coming for her soon. She was ready. Good writing, excellent narrative, wonderful ending. Good luck in the contest. Warmest regards, Marijke
reply by the author on 09-May-2010
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Oh, how sweet. Not sure about the horror, but it was for her. Although it would seem she somehow knew he was coming for her soon. She was ready. Good writing, excellent narrative, wonderful ending. Good luck in the contest. Warmest regards, Marijke
Comment Written 09-May-2010
reply by the author on 09-May-2010
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Thank you for the excellent review and stars. I'm happy you enjoyed it.
Sanollar
Comment from highlander104
Good entry for this contest. The story line of an aged person's acceptance of death is novel. We all have our own terms until, at last, we meet the grim reaper.
Good luck.
Jean K.
reply by the author on 09-May-2010
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Good entry for this contest. The story line of an aged person's acceptance of death is novel. We all have our own terms until, at last, we meet the grim reaper.
Good luck.
Jean K.
Comment Written 09-May-2010
reply by the author on 09-May-2010
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Thanks so much for your wonderful review and five star rating. I'm happy you enjoyed this. I'm also happy you got the symbolism. Thanks for your good wishes too.
Sandollar
Comment from Belinda
How well you write about death ... symbolically. Who knows, the precise thoughts hover in the minds of ole people like your Mabel. Interesting.
reply by the author on 09-May-2010
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How well you write about death ... symbolically. Who knows, the precise thoughts hover in the minds of ole people like your Mabel. Interesting.
Comment Written 09-May-2010
reply by the author on 09-May-2010
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Thanks for your great review and stars. I'm glad you enjoyed the symbolism.
Sandollar
Comment from AlvinTEthington
And I thought it was going to be her dead lover! Quite a twist you have there at the end. You certainly had me feeling horrified, but then, surprising relived, at the fact she was finished with her life. Odd. But very good writing.
reply by the author on 09-May-2010
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And I thought it was going to be her dead lover! Quite a twist you have there at the end. You certainly had me feeling horrified, but then, surprising relived, at the fact she was finished with her life. Odd. But very good writing.
Comment Written 09-May-2010
reply by the author on 09-May-2010
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Thank you for your wonderful rating and stars. It means a lot coming from you. yeah, i like the little twists at the end of a story. It's just like life. It always throws you its twist and turns.
Sandollar
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Yes, it does. You're welcome for the review.
Comment from Ann Smith
What a way to go. The suspense and details in the story are good. I too wanted to know what was on the landing. Isn't it just like everyone else never to believe. Good luck with the contest. ann
reply by the author on 09-May-2010
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What a way to go. The suspense and details in the story are good. I too wanted to know what was on the landing. Isn't it just like everyone else never to believe. Good luck with the contest. ann
Comment Written 09-May-2010
reply by the author on 09-May-2010
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Thank you very much for the great rating and stars. I wanted there to be some suspense and build up. Thank you also for the good wishes in the contest.
Sandollar
Comment from redrider6612
This was a pretty good story. I definitely didn't imagine that ending. The reason for the rating is I feel the story lacks intensity the way it is told. I suggest beginning with the old lady encountering the shadow. Build the tension, take us into her mind and let us experience her terror. Then show her trying to get someone, anyone to believe her. Then the conclusion as written. Just my take on what would make the story better.
Best wishes in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-May-2010
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This was a pretty good story. I definitely didn't imagine that ending. The reason for the rating is I feel the story lacks intensity the way it is told. I suggest beginning with the old lady encountering the shadow. Build the tension, take us into her mind and let us experience her terror. Then show her trying to get someone, anyone to believe her. Then the conclusion as written. Just my take on what would make the story better.
Best wishes in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-May-2010
reply by the author on 09-May-2010
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Thank you for your review.
Sandollar
Comment from Begin Again
Sandollar,
Loved it! I kind of imagined that it was death or an angel awaiting her, but you wrote it quite well. It's hard to keep a reader in the total dark when limited to so few words. Well done.
Carol
reply by the author on 09-May-2010
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Sandollar,
Loved it! I kind of imagined that it was death or an angel awaiting her, but you wrote it quite well. It's hard to keep a reader in the total dark when limited to so few words. Well done.
Carol
Comment Written 09-May-2010
reply by the author on 09-May-2010
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Thank you so much for the wondeful review and five star rating. Glad you enjoyed it. Death is always waiting on the landing for us.Sometimes it's welcome, sometimes not.
Sandollar
Sandollar