Ex-Wife's Outfits
Daughter plays Mom.34 total reviews
Comment from bookishfabler
I'm guessing the step-daughter likes her step mother. Very good short story for the picture proimpt. One can't help notice the girls hanging out of the dress.
Hugs Book
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2010
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I'm guessing the step-daughter likes her step mother. Very good short story for the picture proimpt. One can't help notice the girls hanging out of the dress.
Hugs Book
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2010
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Lol, Yes, the picture was quite revealing. Mom seems a little out of control. - John
Comment from Metal Head
That picture is nearly worth a five on its own :-)
You have a slip in tense towards the end. 'As we were talking, my daughter Becky walked into the room.' This sets the story in first person past tense.
"How did she react to that?" Nancy asked (I asked)
Nancy got up and hugged Becky. (I got up etc...)
It's a simple little mistake, and one that I only picked up on while reading through again. (I always read twice when reviewing, I don't know why)
Anyway, good luck in the contest
Regards
Michael D
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That picture is nearly worth a five on its own :-)
You have a slip in tense towards the end. 'As we were talking, my daughter Becky walked into the room.' This sets the story in first person past tense.
"How did she react to that?" Nancy asked (I asked)
Nancy got up and hugged Becky. (I got up etc...)
It's a simple little mistake, and one that I only picked up on while reading through again. (I always read twice when reviewing, I don't know why)
Anyway, good luck in the contest
Regards
Michael D
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
Comment from closetpoetjester
Cute story John and I like the daughter sorting mum out on the slutty dress sense. Sometimes it has more impact coming from a child.
Well written and wonderfully presented. A concise story but one that told more than just the current situation in a way.
I loved it and you are quite the story writer.
Cheers and take care Thesis.
Closet xo
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Cute story John and I like the daughter sorting mum out on the slutty dress sense. Sometimes it has more impact coming from a child.
Well written and wonderfully presented. A concise story but one that told more than just the current situation in a way.
I loved it and you are quite the story writer.
Cheers and take care Thesis.
Closet xo
Comment Written 23-Apr-2010
Comment from BlueJamme
Hi there,
Another good entry in to this contest and you've used the dialogue well to really get down to the nuts and bolts of one of these arguments - and even saved a nice pay off for Nancy at the end to win on!
One piece of spag: "Nancy, I said I would speak with her["]
BlueJamme
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
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Hi there,
Another good entry in to this contest and you've used the dialogue well to really get down to the nuts and bolts of one of these arguments - and even saved a nice pay off for Nancy at the end to win on!
One piece of spag: "Nancy, I said I would speak with her["]
BlueJamme
Comment Written 23-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
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Thanks for catching that spag. I missed that one. Glad you enjoyed the story.- Thesis
Comment from MizKat
Thesis - This is really good. I like the ending a lot. I'm glad the daughter had the nerve to talk to her mother since her ex husband didn't. Kat
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
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Thesis - This is really good. I like the ending a lot. I'm glad the daughter had the nerve to talk to her mother since her ex husband didn't. Kat
Comment Written 23-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
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Thanks, MizKat. I appreciate the feedback. It was quite responsible of the daughter to tell hem mom. - Thesis
Comment from sgalletti
Hi! I am enjoying reading all of the entries in this dialogue contest. Your dialogue is well written and a worthy entry in this contest. Amazing how young girls can take care of business so naturally while all their mothers do is nag...Best of luck! Sue
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
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Hi! I am enjoying reading all of the entries in this dialogue contest. Your dialogue is well written and a worthy entry in this contest. Amazing how young girls can take care of business so naturally while all their mothers do is nag...Best of luck! Sue
Comment Written 23-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
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Hi, Sue. Thanks for your comments. Yes, teen girls usually tell it like it is. - John
Comment from toni guerrero
I enjoyed reading your story. Your story hd good dialogue
and of course,I enjoy the topic very much. Keep up the great work and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
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I enjoyed reading your story. Your story hd good dialogue
and of course,I enjoy the topic very much. Keep up the great work and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
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Hi, Toni. Thanks for reading and commenting on my story. I'm glad you enjoyed it. - Thesis
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You are very welcome.
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes you have done really well in this contest entry I like the way this problem was sorted very well done good luck in the contest regards Fuller
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
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Yes you have done really well in this contest entry I like the way this problem was sorted very well done good luck in the contest regards Fuller
Comment Written 23-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
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Thanks, Fuller. I'm glad you enjoyed my story. Thanks for the comments. - Thesis
Comment from resilke
Thank you for sharing your story. This is well written and to the point. Lots of dialogue always helps to enhance a story as you've used. Good character development. Lots of memorable moments. Good ideas. Creative. Entertaining. Keep writing. All best
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
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Thank you for sharing your story. This is well written and to the point. Lots of dialogue always helps to enhance a story as you've used. Good character development. Lots of memorable moments. Good ideas. Creative. Entertaining. Keep writing. All best
Comment Written 23-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
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Hi, Resilke. I'm glad you liked my story. Thanks for your comments. - Thesis
Comment from Annmuma
Good story with a very nice ending. Wouldn't it be nice if life could be just that way more often! I enjoyed the read and wish you luck in the contest. ann
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
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Good story with a very nice ending. Wouldn't it be nice if life could be just that way more often! I enjoyed the read and wish you luck in the contest. ann
Comment Written 23-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
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Yes, it would be. Thanks for your comments and for reading my story. - Thesis
