Chronicles of the Wandering Man
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Cuckoo and the Eldritch Kiss"An extended story in poem form
36 total reviews
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Mike ...
This is well written and a pleasure to read because you have expressed your thoughts clearly whilst maintaining a good, steady rhythm throughout.
There is nothing to suggest changing and I thank you for sharing these thoughts with us.
With love from ..... Nanette Mary.
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Hullo Mike ...
This is well written and a pleasure to read because you have expressed your thoughts clearly whilst maintaining a good, steady rhythm throughout.
There is nothing to suggest changing and I thank you for sharing these thoughts with us.
With love from ..... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 20-May-2010
Comment from Sally Carter
I haven't read any other parts of this poem before, but found this really interesting. Story poems seem quite unusual these days, but this felt immediately engaging.
Your meter is terrific, and I particularly enjoyed Section VI, which was both vivid and moving.
Best of luck in the contest.
Sally
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I haven't read any other parts of this poem before, but found this really interesting. Story poems seem quite unusual these days, but this felt immediately engaging.
Your meter is terrific, and I particularly enjoyed Section VI, which was both vivid and moving.
Best of luck in the contest.
Sally
Comment Written 20-May-2010
Comment from knowledge
Does a man have a womb? My spell checker said, "An organ where a baby grows". Your poetry reminds my so much of Poe.
Thank You My Friend,
Knowledge
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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Does a man have a womb? My spell checker said, "An organ where a baby grows". Your poetry reminds my so much of Poe.
Thank You My Friend,
Knowledge
Comment Written 02-May-2010
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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I hope a man doesn't have a womb :-). I intended it to symbolise the birth of energy and hope as he eats real food for the firt time ina very long time, but admittedly it's a bit obscure :-)
Mike
Comment from babylonia
mike,
i'm definitely enjoying this one. this is like a warning to those who think it could never happen. LOL yeah, lets just keep destroying our world, it'll never come back to bite us on the arse. LOL just kidding. off to part three. by the way ... LOVE the bio pic.
love,
barbara
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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mike,
i'm definitely enjoying this one. this is like a warning to those who think it could never happen. LOL yeah, lets just keep destroying our world, it'll never come back to bite us on the arse. LOL just kidding. off to part three. by the way ... LOVE the bio pic.
love,
barbara
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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Haha, thank you :-). The bio pic is a macro shot I took of our cat Ozzy. We call it 'The Codfather'. I think he's the perfect accompaniment to my writing!
Mike
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mike,
he definitely is~ makes me miss my black cat. i fear after being AWOL for several months that he probably isn't coming back. sigh. that's why i don't like kitties outside. LOL i like that .. the codfather. :P
love,
barbara
Comment from Lydia LaMent
I'm starting to looove the Wandering Man, love his character and also the desperation and desolation of the world that he is exploring.
In this adventure I enjoyed the repetitive mocking Cuckoo call that leads him on his quest, I wonder who else may be watching his movements?
I absolutely loved the description of the hugging skeletons, how their "love-sick" embrace endured through time and how it affected the Wandering Man. I like to see that he is sensitive to such sentiments :)
Can't wait to read more!
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2010
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I'm starting to looove the Wandering Man, love his character and also the desperation and desolation of the world that he is exploring.
In this adventure I enjoyed the repetitive mocking Cuckoo call that leads him on his quest, I wonder who else may be watching his movements?
I absolutely loved the description of the hugging skeletons, how their "love-sick" embrace endured through time and how it affected the Wandering Man. I like to see that he is sensitive to such sentiments :)
Can't wait to read more!
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Lydia. What a fanastic review! I'm thriled you picked out the bedroom scene (sounds dodgy!) because I was particularly happy with that bit. I'm on the cusp of posting part three. So glad you enjoyed :-)
Mike
Comment from Hitcher
I just love the dark, stark imagery, this is a fascinating tale mate, you have my full attention, you are a great storyteller Mike, you go for it friend, thoroughly enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2010
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I just love the dark, stark imagery, this is a fascinating tale mate, you have my full attention, you are a great storyteller Mike, you go for it friend, thoroughly enjoyable read.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2010
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It's great to have you along, Hitch; you're always a good companion on the ride. I'm really happy you're enjoying this one, and especially when I get those lovely reviews with messages attached! I'm hard at it with parts 3 and 4, but of course I'm not happy with them. I think that's par for thecourse though!
Mike
Comment from Oatmeal
Fleedleflump,
The theme was excellent. The flow was nice. Atmosphere is full of vivid and delightful descriptions.
There was no SPAG. No room for improvement.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
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Fleedleflump,
The theme was excellent. The flow was nice. Atmosphere is full of vivid and delightful descriptions.
There was no SPAG. No room for improvement.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 22-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Oatmeal! I'm so glad you enjoyed this one :-)
Mike
Comment from hotstuff
Gosh, this is a great continuation to your story Mike. I was teary when I read V1. How sad, but sadder to be left alone in the aftermath. I probably would prefer the fate of that dead couple. I loved every line of this posting and love how you have left the story in suspense. I am eager to read on.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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Gosh, this is a great continuation to your story Mike. I was teary when I read V1. How sad, but sadder to be left alone in the aftermath. I probably would prefer the fate of that dead couple. I loved every line of this posting and love how you have left the story in suspense. I am eager to read on.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Hotstuff :-). I was particularly pleased with IV, so I'm thrilled you picked it out for special mention. I'm busy with part 3 at the moment. Might be a couple of days yet though!
Mike
Comment from M. Karol
Excellent. To put such adventures in poetry form must be a Herculean task....yet it looks as if it flows so easy. I could actually sing along as it flowed.
In the last para, you have left the reader wondering....
Madhvi
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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Excellent. To put such adventures in poetry form must be a Herculean task....yet it looks as if it flows so easy. I could actually sing along as it flowed.
In the last para, you have left the reader wondering....
Madhvi
Comment Written 22-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Madhvi :-). I wanted to end on a bit of a cliffhanger, hopefully drawing readers back for part three! I'm so glad you enjoyed the read.
Mike
Comment from Rasp E
The first stanza made me shiver. Literally. So good!
I think in part IV, the very last line needs one more syllable somehow to keep the meter steady. I'll let you decide what you want to do instead of interfering with a suggestion. :)
And then the first stanza of part VI made me shiver again.
"a cold comfort absurd" - great line, but deviates from your meter a bit. Comfort just doesn't make an iambic foot.
Same with the following words in part VII: warnings
The very last word is where I'll make a suggestion: plot. As in grave. I think that's a bit stronger and darker than lot. Do what you will. I'm so loving all of this. I don't even care about the meter really, since I like the poem so much, but since I'm writing a review anyway...
Take care!
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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The first stanza made me shiver. Literally. So good!
I think in part IV, the very last line needs one more syllable somehow to keep the meter steady. I'll let you decide what you want to do instead of interfering with a suggestion. :)
And then the first stanza of part VI made me shiver again.
"a cold comfort absurd" - great line, but deviates from your meter a bit. Comfort just doesn't make an iambic foot.
Same with the following words in part VII: warnings
The very last word is where I'll make a suggestion: plot. As in grave. I think that's a bit stronger and darker than lot. Do what you will. I'm so loving all of this. I don't even care about the meter really, since I like the poem so much, but since I'm writing a review anyway...
Take care!
Comment Written 21-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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Thank you for the awesome review :-). You're right about 'comfort' - it'd flow better as "a comfort, cold, absurd", but that makes less sense, lol! I'll ponder all your comments; I have a couple of others to think about as well. I wasn;t trying for perfect meter as such, more letting the content decide how it wanted to flow, but the trouble is that I've hit it for the most part, so the occasional variations stick out somewhat :-/
Thanks again!
Mike
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You could always add more anti-iambics in critical places...then it's not so much a variation as you deliberately keeping your readers on their toes. (It's good for them! lol) I do really love this...can't wait to see more.
