I Hereby Crown Thee ...
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Shadow of Mirth"A collection of crowns of sonnets
45 total reviews
Comment from Gungalo
Oh yes, I love it and the subject/content is great!!! This is a massive effort and I do believe you enjoyed writing it. Your iambs are spot on far as I can tell but even if they were not, your effort to write this is exceptional. Thanks for pointing me to this one poet!!!!!!
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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Oh yes, I love it and the subject/content is great!!! This is a massive effort and I do believe you enjoyed writing it. Your iambs are spot on far as I can tell but even if they were not, your effort to write this is exceptional. Thanks for pointing me to this one poet!!!!!!
Comment Written 01-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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And thanks to you for not only taking the interest and time to read a back-post with no payout, but for passing on to me your thoughts accompanied with a lovely big sixer :-). I will certainly be having a stab at one of those 15-sonnet monsters, as soon as I get an appreciable space of time to do so!
Mike :-)
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My pleasure, Mike.
Comment from Crusty
Hi Mike.
I don't have time to write a review now, but I did want to tell you what an awesome poem (tale ) this is. Wonderfully done and such a joy to read.
It reminded me of Bran's story. Which by the way I am still hanging out for. !!!
HAhahaha.
Cheers my friend.
Brad...
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2010
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Hi Mike.
I don't have time to write a review now, but I did want to tell you what an awesome poem (tale ) this is. Wonderfully done and such a joy to read.
It reminded me of Bran's story. Which by the way I am still hanging out for. !!!
HAhahaha.
Cheers my friend.
Brad...
Comment Written 25-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2010
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Brad! Great to hear from, you mate. I hope this are going well. Look in my portfolio; Bran is finished!
Mike
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Hey Mike.
Sorry, I had no idea I'd missed so many chapters.
I'll have to set to and catch up now.
Thanks for finishing it mate. I know what a huge task it is, and you've done a wonderful job with it.
My book is almost done. A bit long actually, but I just can't seem to get the ingredients right and I'm rambling on, I guess to see if I can straighten it out. LOL.
Anyway mate. Love your work and can't wait to sink my teeth into Bran.
Brad...
Comment from seewhatimwritingnow
Well written and presented sonnets in fantasy. You show a lot of talent with very creative thinking and descriptions. Best of luck in the contest and thanks for sharing. Betty
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2010
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Well written and presented sonnets in fantasy. You show a lot of talent with very creative thinking and descriptions. Best of luck in the contest and thanks for sharing. Betty
Comment Written 25-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2010
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Thank you, Betty :-). I'm so glad you enjoyed the read!
Mike
Comment from Amicus
Terrific Crown of Sonnets, Mike. From beginning to ending, even a lukewarm sonnet fan like I am could not help but be swept away by the strong rhythm,consistent meter and satisfying rhymes with which you tell this hilarious tale. I love the poem and admire the skill. sense of humor and insight you reveal in writing it. BRAVO!
Another day saved by laughter!
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2010
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Terrific Crown of Sonnets, Mike. From beginning to ending, even a lukewarm sonnet fan like I am could not help but be swept away by the strong rhythm,consistent meter and satisfying rhymes with which you tell this hilarious tale. I love the poem and admire the skill. sense of humor and insight you reveal in writing it. BRAVO!
Another day saved by laughter!
Comment Written 25-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2010
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Thank you, Amicus, for the wonderful review and special rating. I'm so glad my tale worked for you. I had such a good time writing it :-)
Mike
Comment from vandawalker
This is hilarious. I can picture it so well. The theme is especially good. I think there's a good lesson for everyone who fears. Were you on King Arthur's knight brigade? What imagination.,
I'm out of six stars, but this one deserves it. Good going, fair knight hero.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2010
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This is hilarious. I can picture it so well. The theme is especially good. I think there's a good lesson for everyone who fears. Were you on King Arthur's knight brigade? What imagination.,
I'm out of six stars, but this one deserves it. Good going, fair knight hero.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2010
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haha, thank you, Vanda :-). You've put a smile on my face this cold, wet Thursday evening in London. I had a lot of fun writing this one!
Mike
Comment from fionageorge
Hi Mike, and thank you for sharing this lengthy, but well structured and well written crown of sonnets in the share a story in a poem contest. The crown of sonnets is well structured, and as you state, you have interpersed some humour, which works well, especially due to the length of the poem. But overall well written, I enjoyed the read and wish you luck in the contest. Warmest regards, Marijke
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2010
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Hi Mike, and thank you for sharing this lengthy, but well structured and well written crown of sonnets in the share a story in a poem contest. The crown of sonnets is well structured, and as you state, you have interpersed some humour, which works well, especially due to the length of the poem. But overall well written, I enjoyed the read and wish you luck in the contest. Warmest regards, Marijke
Comment Written 24-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2010
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Thank you, Marijke :-). It is a long form, but I thought a crown of sonnets was the perfect vehicle for a classical fantasy tale. I'm so glad you enjoyed the read!
Mike
Comment from Ashley J.
I love this crown of sonnets very much. It simultaneously tells a story and a poem, and you manage to stay within the confines of the poem's form - that is to say, sonnets. Your rhythm was very smooth - I read the entire thing aloud, because it seemed like the kind of thing that should be accompanied by a harp in an ancient banquet hall. It translates well to oral storytelling, it what I mean to say. There were a couple awkward words in my opinion but they were minor.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2010
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I love this crown of sonnets very much. It simultaneously tells a story and a poem, and you manage to stay within the confines of the poem's form - that is to say, sonnets. Your rhythm was very smooth - I read the entire thing aloud, because it seemed like the kind of thing that should be accompanied by a harp in an ancient banquet hall. It translates well to oral storytelling, it what I mean to say. There were a couple awkward words in my opinion but they were minor.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2010
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Thank you, Ashley :-). I was going for exactly that; a classical tale of derring do with some sly humour mixed in. Thank you for the wonderful review!
Mike
Comment from MAMONIA
A fantastic read at best.
If this be legend, if it be truth
there was a moral I felt all the way through.
When fear strikes our hearts, we have no where
to turn, but internally, hysterial saved the day.
What a story you have written in such fantastic
form. I have never witnessed a crown of sonnets
before. God bless you for your unbelievable talent.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2010
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A fantastic read at best.
If this be legend, if it be truth
there was a moral I felt all the way through.
When fear strikes our hearts, we have no where
to turn, but internally, hysterial saved the day.
What a story you have written in such fantastic
form. I have never witnessed a crown of sonnets
before. God bless you for your unbelievable talent.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your amazingly encouraging comments :-). I'm so glad you enjoyed my tale. It's also great that you picked up on the irony of the happy ending; I was worried that I'd buried it a little too deep.
Mike
Comment from Geza
As sonnets go, you have the lines and the rhymes and the rhythm down, so that's a plus. But nowadays, archaic poetry themes aren't much of a draw, so I have to say despite its formidable length modern subject matter and less formal speech might serve you better.
Still, a valiant effort.
NEW NOTES - No, it isn't quite correct to call the language formal. It's more like a cross between archaic chivalry and modern wisecrack. For me, it doesn't work, but maybe that's because I don't often come across poetry in a fantasy setting. Still, I think you could do better than
In darkest days, the legends surely tell,
when Evil's shadow casts a choking pall
and monsters roam the land, ugly and fel,
a hero will arise with wherewithal.
You're forcing the rhyme and the language here in an effort to make this sound like a heroic tale of old. 'With wherewithall...?' Yikes. Oh, and check the spelling of 'fel'. I believe it's with two l's.
Anyway, it's an interesting effort, mostly because of its length and attempt to stick to correct form, but I do think it would be much stronger if you could keep it to modern conversational expression. But that's obvioulsy my preference, and I'm not the poet here.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2010
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As sonnets go, you have the lines and the rhymes and the rhythm down, so that's a plus. But nowadays, archaic poetry themes aren't much of a draw, so I have to say despite its formidable length modern subject matter and less formal speech might serve you better.
Still, a valiant effort.
NEW NOTES - No, it isn't quite correct to call the language formal. It's more like a cross between archaic chivalry and modern wisecrack. For me, it doesn't work, but maybe that's because I don't often come across poetry in a fantasy setting. Still, I think you could do better than
In darkest days, the legends surely tell,
when Evil's shadow casts a choking pall
and monsters roam the land, ugly and fel,
a hero will arise with wherewithal.
You're forcing the rhyme and the language here in an effort to make this sound like a heroic tale of old. 'With wherewithall...?' Yikes. Oh, and check the spelling of 'fel'. I believe it's with two l's.
Anyway, it's an interesting effort, mostly because of its length and attempt to stick to correct form, but I do think it would be much stronger if you could keep it to modern conversational expression. But that's obvioulsy my preference, and I'm not the poet here.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2010
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It's hardly formal language; more like a sly nod to the tone of tales of old. Did you actually identify anything wrong with the poem, or simply not personally like the setting?
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I think you're right. It isn't formal language. I looked at it again, and re-thought my remarks. No, there's nothing wrong with the structure. Let me read it again more slowly, and I'll answer you in greater detail.
Comment from The Ghostwriter
This "crown" kept me at the edge of my seat. Poetry doesn't usually do that for me. I like it when people mix horror with humor; it makes the horror taste sweeter. This one is one to send to the editors, publishers, and agents; it's golden.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2010
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This "crown" kept me at the edge of my seat. Poetry doesn't usually do that for me. I like it when people mix horror with humor; it makes the horror taste sweeter. This one is one to send to the editors, publishers, and agents; it's golden.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2010
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Thank you, Ghostwriter! That's an incredibly encouraging review, and I thank you most humbly. I do enjoy weaving contrasts into my work :-)
Mike
