Flash Fiction
Viewing comments for Chapter 43 "What a Beauty!"Collection of Flash, Micro, etc.
58 total reviews
Comment from Readywriter52
This is a great Cinderella story. She comes to the dance looking terrible, but the prince sees the real her so he agrees to marry her despite her appearance.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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This is a great Cinderella story. She comes to the dance looking terrible, but the prince sees the real her so he agrees to marry her despite her appearance.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Yup! Her true beauty was hidden from sight unless he could feel it inside. Glad you enjoyed the little story.
smiles, Carol
Comment from suneagle
(107 words) LOL. Great picture. I loved your story, Carol, but it went just one sentence too far.
They promised to live happily ever after and always wear orange socks!
(Oh, bother, an adverb. Could you avoid "happily"? But I guess it is part of the traditional fairy-tale ending. LOL.
No, my main problem with your conclusion is that the whole last sentence is superfluous. The twist, and resolution, was in your second last sentence:
"Smiling, beautiful Drusilla removed her ugly spell.")
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reply by the author on 11-Mar-2010
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(107 words) LOL. Great picture. I loved your story, Carol, but it went just one sentence too far.
They promised to live happily ever after and always wear orange socks!
(Oh, bother, an adverb. Could you avoid "happily"? But I guess it is part of the traditional fairy-tale ending. LOL.
No, my main problem with your conclusion is that the whole last sentence is superfluous. The twist, and resolution, was in your second last sentence:
"Smiling, beautiful Drusilla removed her ugly spell.")
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2010
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suneagle
Thanks for looking at this story...Orginally I didn't have the last sentence (would have made yu proud, right?) and then after some discussion, decided it was a fairytale and ended it the other way. Thanks for keeping me on my toes and trying to teach me where I go astray. Smiles, Carol
Comment from nora arjuna
good story, carol. i like the twist. still i can't help twitching lol. your call.
A [very ugly] witch [happily danced] alone - wish i could think of one word for those two.
Taking her hand, he asked, "May I have this dance?"
He took her hand. "May I have this dance?"
With downcast eyes - Eyes downcast,
When the clock struck midnight, he whispered, "Cold hands, warm heart, you shall be my bride."
The clock struck midnight. He gazed into her eyes. "Cold hands, warm heart, you shall be my bride."
no longer an ugly witch. - these aren't needed. the reader should know.
good luck!
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2010
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good story, carol. i like the twist. still i can't help twitching lol. your call.
A [very ugly] witch [happily danced] alone - wish i could think of one word for those two.
Taking her hand, he asked, "May I have this dance?"
He took her hand. "May I have this dance?"
With downcast eyes - Eyes downcast,
When the clock struck midnight, he whispered, "Cold hands, warm heart, you shall be my bride."
The clock struck midnight. He gazed into her eyes. "Cold hands, warm heart, you shall be my bride."
no longer an ugly witch. - these aren't needed. the reader should know.
good luck!
Comment Written 22-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2010
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arjuna, Thanks for the assistance. I've made some changes and I appreciate your help. smiles, Carol
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Carol, glad you liked my suggestions, but I forgot to warn you. Now you have 95 words. In your notes, it's stated the story must be between 100 - 110 words? Looks like you have to add at least 5 words. Think of strong words that are important to the story. And watch this punc.
He took her hand[.] "May I have this dance?"
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Thanks...I forgot it was 100-110. I added...They lived happily ever after and promised to always wear orange socks. 107
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Nope...I wrote...They promised to live happily ever after and always wear orange socks. 107
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good to stress on the orange socks. :)
Comment from Peeping_Soul
nicely written by you.the ending is just amazing and very adaptive to your great theme.in such a short form of write you managed to create an impact.great write
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2010
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nicely written by you.the ending is just amazing and very adaptive to your great theme.in such a short form of write you managed to create an impact.great write
Comment Written 21-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2010
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Peeping Soul,
Can you imagine the line of prospective buyers forming if the news got out? Smiles to you, Carol
Comment from workout14
EVEN THOUGH THE STORY WAS SHORT, IS WAS EXCELLENT. IT HAD A GREAT ENDING TO THE STORY. IT WAS WELL TOLD. GREAT WORD CHOICE. KEEP UP THE EXCELLENT WORK!
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2010
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EVEN THOUGH THE STORY WAS SHORT, IS WAS EXCELLENT. IT HAD A GREAT ENDING TO THE STORY. IT WAS WELL TOLD. GREAT WORD CHOICE. KEEP UP THE EXCELLENT WORK!
Comment Written 20-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2010
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workout
I had lots of fun with this one so I am pleased that you enjoyed it as well. Smiles to you, Carol
Comment from sgalletti
Carol--How fun! Loved this intepretation of the orange socks and the wicked witch becoming the bride. Very succinct and humorous piece. Nice twist to the story. Sue
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2010
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Carol--How fun! Loved this intepretation of the orange socks and the wicked witch becoming the bride. Very succinct and humorous piece. Nice twist to the story. Sue
Comment Written 20-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2010
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Sue,
Thanks so much for the generous review. I appreciate it very much. Smiles, Carol
Comment from highlander104
A funny but charming story. Where in heaven's name did you get that picture. I sense the pic came first, then the story.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2010
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A funny but charming story. Where in heaven's name did you get that picture. I sense the pic came first, then the story.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2010
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highlander
Actually no..I decided on the story and then just accidentally found the perfect picture...It finished the story off perfectly. Thank you...Carol
Comment from dragonqueen1983
what an interesting story you have here. its not often that one reads of a person making themself ugly. i love the picture
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2010
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what an interesting story you have here. its not often that one reads of a person making themself ugly. i love the picture
Comment Written 20-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2010
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dragonqueen,
Good thing it's a fairy tale huh? Thanks for the kind review. Smiles to you, Carol
Comment from Phil Kitom
Oh what powers do we weave, when we plan to
deceive. Worked wonders though in this short
story Carol and certainly achieved its object
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2010
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Oh what powers do we weave, when we plan to
deceive. Worked wonders though in this short
story Carol and certainly achieved its object
Comment Written 20-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2010
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Phil,
Thank you my friend for the kind and generous comments. I always appreciate hearing from you. Sending my best, Carol
Comment from Realist101
HAHAAAA! Great Carol! I love that moving picture, and the story you wrote is great! HA! I just watched "The Other Bolyen Girl" last night, and boy, oh boy...sad in real life how the aristocrats act/ed...? But your little tale is cute Carol!! Very enjoyable. Susan
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2010
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HAHAAAA! Great Carol! I love that moving picture, and the story you wrote is great! HA! I just watched "The Other Bolyen Girl" last night, and boy, oh boy...sad in real life how the aristocrats act/ed...? But your little tale is cute Carol!! Very enjoyable. Susan
Comment Written 18-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2010
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Susan,
I posed for that picture you know...LOL Thanks for the kind review as always. Smiles to you, Carol
