Flash Fiction
Viewing comments for Chapter 44 "Good-bye"Collection of Flash, Micro, etc.
42 total reviews
Comment from Carol D Parker
That truly is something to be grateful for. Two years ago I got to speak to my brother a few hours before he died. The last words he said to me was "I love you." I am so thankful to the Lord for that. Your heart wrenching poem says it loud and clear. It has much reader identification. Well done. Good luck
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2010
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That truly is something to be grateful for. Two years ago I got to speak to my brother a few hours before he died. The last words he said to me was "I love you." I am so thankful to the Lord for that. Your heart wrenching poem says it loud and clear. It has much reader identification. Well done. Good luck
Comment Written 16-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2010
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Delora,
On Monday, my daughter's husband lost his grandmother and yesterday my ex-husband's mother underwent brain surgery for hemorrhaging...Life is a fragile thing! Smiles, CArol
Comment from JeffreyStone
Short and sweet and very well done. Lots of emotion in your direct sentences. You really managed to capture a "familiar scene in a very unique way. Well done. JeffreyStone
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2010
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Short and sweet and very well done. Lots of emotion in your direct sentences. You really managed to capture a "familiar scene in a very unique way. Well done. JeffreyStone
Comment Written 16-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2010
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Jeffrey
Thank you for the very kind review. Smiles, Carol
Comment from MyYiaYia
This was a sweet story with a happy ending. You did a fine job of telling a completed story with plenty of imagery in so few words and without any letter 's'. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2010
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This was a sweet story with a happy ending. You did a fine job of telling a completed story with plenty of imagery in so few words and without any letter 's'. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2010
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MyYiaYia,
Thank you for your most kind review. I appreciate it very much. Carol
Comment from Border Reiver
This is great and really well crafted despite no being able to use an 'S'.
I have a suggestion: I thought that God granted HER/THEM one final good-bye; would sound better. I see that you have exactly 50 words so couldn't do that.
However, you have an old woman and a young girl and say that they are mother and daughter. I guess it depends on what we think of as young and old. But a young girl to me would be under 17 and an old woman over 65 and therefore couldn't be mother and daughter. So I suggest you delete the 'old' at the beginning and you could include my suggestion for the last line. I think that would improve the flow of the story.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2010
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This is great and really well crafted despite no being able to use an 'S'.
I have a suggestion: I thought that God granted HER/THEM one final good-bye; would sound better. I see that you have exactly 50 words so couldn't do that.
However, you have an old woman and a young girl and say that they are mother and daughter. I guess it depends on what we think of as young and old. But a young girl to me would be under 17 and an old woman over 65 and therefore couldn't be mother and daughter. So I suggest you delete the 'old' at the beginning and you could include my suggestion for the last line. I think that would improve the flow of the story.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2010
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Border Reiver,
I'm 61 (and feeling quite old as of late) and my baby is 26 (very young to me) thus the choice of words...Thanks for the kind review...CArol
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I understand. But you're not old, remember you're only as old as you feel! So don't let yourself ever feel old!
Katrina
Comment from melyuki
well , you have done a grand job of excluding the letter S here.. ( who ever you may be )?? these words bring some very precious memories to my mind and as your story conveys, this final message of affirmation is the essence of what that young girl will cling to forever more. So beautifully phrased, with tenderness and compassion in the heart, the emotion is spilling out in the name of love.. a sensational write and very very touching to this reader. luv Melxxxx
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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well , you have done a grand job of excluding the letter S here.. ( who ever you may be )?? these words bring some very precious memories to my mind and as your story conveys, this final message of affirmation is the essence of what that young girl will cling to forever more. So beautifully phrased, with tenderness and compassion in the heart, the emotion is spilling out in the name of love.. a sensational write and very very touching to this reader. luv Melxxxx
Comment Written 16-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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I truly hoped you could relate to this one. Thank you for seeing the love within the lines and the most precious gift that God can give us...Smiles to you as always
Comment from Alison Williams
oh well done in getting it exactly 50 words, without the S and be able to bring in a poignancy in a well written piece. A good challenge.
What a wonderful scene.
I couldn't find anything that needed correcting.
Well done, Alison
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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oh well done in getting it exactly 50 words, without the S and be able to bring in a poignancy in a well written piece. A good challenge.
What a wonderful scene.
I couldn't find anything that needed correcting.
Well done, Alison
Comment Written 16-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Alison,
So pleased that you appreciated this little story. Our most precious gifts come from God...Smiles to you
Comment from Realist101
HOW beautiful. And sad, how I wish I had had an opportunity to say goodbye to my Mother. You did a wonderful job not using the s...very difficult!!! Susan
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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HOW beautiful. And sad, how I wish I had had an opportunity to say goodbye to my Mother. You did a wonderful job not using the s...very difficult!!! Susan
Comment Written 16-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Susan
In my heart and mind, I believe we all hope for that last moment to say goodbye....Smiling at you...
Comment from fionageorge
Great little story within the confined conditions of this contest. Although challenging, you have met the conditions and told a full emotional story.
Good luck in the contest.
Warmest regards
Marijke
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Great little story within the confined conditions of this contest. Although challenging, you have met the conditions and told a full emotional story.
Good luck in the contest.
Warmest regards
Marijke
Comment Written 16-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Marijke,
Thank you for enjoying my last goodbye. I think we all wish for that last chance...Smiles to you
Comment from Belinda
A moving piece of writing, short and without an important letter in the English language. Closed with a touching last sentence: "God granted one final good-bye." Interesting!
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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A moving piece of writing, short and without an important letter in the English language. Closed with a touching last sentence: "God granted one final good-bye." Interesting!
Comment Written 16-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Belinda,
Glad you enjoyed my little story without an s...It was harder than I expected. Especially since I love the s so much...Smiles to you...
Comment from Loke
Great poem! Life enters me in this one! I do like it. Thank you for sharing. Wonderful. Good luck in the contest!!
Evan
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Great poem! Life enters me in this one! I do like it. Thank you for sharing. Wonderful. Good luck in the contest!!
Evan
Comment Written 16-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Evan,
Thank you so much for reading and enjoying my little story. Smiles to you...
