A Saga Of A Faded Flower Child
acrostic depicting life in the turbulent '60's.15 total reviews
Comment from Frozen Fire
This is a great trip back to the 60s and 70s. I remember all of what you mentioned. When JFK was shot, we were sent home from school, and everyone was in front of the TV. All in all, I'll take the 60s and 70s over today. Thanks for sharing this neat consolidation of my childhood!
Shirley
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
  |
This is a great trip back to the 60s and 70s. I remember all of what you mentioned. When JFK was shot, we were sent home from school, and everyone was in front of the TV. All in all, I'll take the 60s and 70s over today. Thanks for sharing this neat consolidation of my childhood!
Shirley
Comment Written 07-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
-
I sent you a PM, but again, Shirley, I thank you so much!!!
Sandy
-
You're so welcome, Sandy!!
Comment from bjoy
How perfectly you encompassed a time that for many of us was an exploration of who we were and what we believed and would stand for or against. Your acrostic is artfully compiled and like a time capsule of information. The rhyme contributed to the telling of the events with a good cadence. Great read.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
 |
How perfectly you encompassed a time that for many of us was an exploration of who we were and what we believed and would stand for or against. Your acrostic is artfully compiled and like a time capsule of information. The rhyme contributed to the telling of the events with a good cadence. Great read.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
-
bjoy, thanks so very much for your kind words and excellent rating! I enjoyed doing it, brought back a lot of great memories/and of course some not so great ones! Much appreciate your taking the time to stop by!
Comment from wvfreespirit
Loved the poem. The mix of 60's history and pop culture was very vivid and as I read it was like playing footage from this era in my head. Well done!
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
|
Loved the poem. The mix of 60's history and pop culture was very vivid and as I read it was like playing footage from this era in my head. Well done!
Comment Written 05-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
-
Thanks so much wvfreespirit - I appreciate your taking time to read and for your kind comments and lovely rating!! Sandy
Comment from MAMONIA
I think you said it all! You didn't miss a trick, an era, or a position. It brought back many memories and I knew they were stuck somewhere in the back of my mind. You brought it all back to life for me and I am sure many more folks who lived through these eras. Who could ever forget the tragedies, the philandering, the make love not war posters, the love-ins, the sit-ins and everything else you describe. It is masterpiece of memories. Fantastic!!
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
|
I think you said it all! You didn't miss a trick, an era, or a position. It brought back many memories and I knew they were stuck somewhere in the back of my mind. You brought it all back to life for me and I am sure many more folks who lived through these eras. Who could ever forget the tragedies, the philandering, the make love not war posters, the love-ins, the sit-ins and everything else you describe. It is masterpiece of memories. Fantastic!!
Comment Written 05-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
-
I am so glad you enjoyed it! It was a fun right, but it took awhile - after I started it I thought, gosh, that was a LONG title to pick for an acrostic!! lol Appreciate your very kind and detailed review and your wonderful rating!
Comment from foxtale
Who'd have thought the 60's would ever be memory lane?
LOL.
Right on! Enjoyed your poem.
And what a tough acrostic to work on.
Did well. Peace!
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
|
Who'd have thought the 60's would ever be memory lane?
LOL.
Right on! Enjoyed your poem.
And what a tough acrostic to work on.
Did well. Peace!
Comment Written 05-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
-
thanks so much - it took me a bit of time, and in retrospect, I suppose I could have chosen a shorter title - lol - but I certainly do appreciate your taking time to read and comment and for your excellent rating! Sandy
Comment from adewpearl
I was a teenager who graduated from high school in 1969, so I enjoyed this trip down memory lane, a blast from the past exploring everything from the sorrow of JFK's assassination to the joys of the first man on the moon - I love the references to our music and various aspects of 60's culture - the only thing that was out of place was Watergate, which wasn't until a few years into the 70's. But I enjoyed all the rest of it too much to worry about that. Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2010
|
I was a teenager who graduated from high school in 1969, so I enjoyed this trip down memory lane, a blast from the past exploring everything from the sorrow of JFK's assassination to the joys of the first man on the moon - I love the references to our music and various aspects of 60's culture - the only thing that was out of place was Watergate, which wasn't until a few years into the 70's. But I enjoyed all the rest of it too much to worry about that. Brooke :-)
Comment Written 29-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2010
-
You are right Brooke. I did google some of the events, but remembered most. I think I had the first part of the poem done in my mind and didn't even think about the years at the time. Nevertheless, I'm so glad you enjoyed! Thanks for commenting and the lovely rating. Sandy
Comment from THELIMERIXGUY
Or, we could call this "A tribute to the "60's". Nice poem, tells a story, rhymes, and the flow is (almost) good. My only reservation is that the sentences are a bit too long for good meter. Reason is: there is too much crammed into a single line. Shorten it up like so:
Sundance, Mrs. Robinson, cinema heroes so hot
Hell no we won't go, protesting in a cloud of pot
A time of our innocence going out with a roar
Love-ins & sit-ins - making love not war
Took out 2 words in 1st sentence, without changing meaning.
Took out "burning draft cards" and substituting "protesting" to smooth the flow, without changing the meaning.
The word "turbulent" has too many syllables to fit into that sentence.
"Fervent believers" restricts the flow in the last line.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2010
 |
Or, we could call this "A tribute to the "60's". Nice poem, tells a story, rhymes, and the flow is (almost) good. My only reservation is that the sentences are a bit too long for good meter. Reason is: there is too much crammed into a single line. Shorten it up like so:
Sundance, Mrs. Robinson, cinema heroes so hot
Hell no we won't go, protesting in a cloud of pot
A time of our innocence going out with a roar
Love-ins & sit-ins - making love not war
Took out 2 words in 1st sentence, without changing meaning.
Took out "burning draft cards" and substituting "protesting" to smooth the flow, without changing the meaning.
The word "turbulent" has too many syllables to fit into that sentence.
"Fervent believers" restricts the flow in the last line.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2010
-
Thank you very much. I will definitely make those changes. Appreciate your comments. I'm very new to this site and writing, in general. But, I'm learning a bit every day. Thank you again. Sandy
Comment from DrCarter2001
Great job on this acrostic, especially taking such a long phrase and being able to work in a rhyme scheme on top of it (and not an obvious one, either, as "lives" in the end refers back to "survives" in the 5th verse). Great job working in all those song and pop-culture references; too bad you left out Malcolm, but can't get everything in there. My one suggestion would be that this has such a nice lyrical feel, I would recommend striving for internal rhtyhm consistency between rhyming lines. This will help bring out the rhyme as well and make it feel more like the song lyrics you refer to. For example, take these four lines:
"Cinema heroes, Butch, Sundance and Mrs. Robinson, so hot (17 syllables)
Hell No We Won't Go - burning draft cards in a cloud of pot (15 syllables)
It was a time of turbulent innocence going out with a roar (18 syllables)
Love-ins & sit-ins - fervent believers Making Love Not War (16 syllables)
The extra beat in the longer lines disrupts the rhythm. You may not have realized this with some of the words that have multiple syllables (e.g. Mrs=Missus) or the "&". Easy fix, though:
"Cinema heroes: Butch, Sundance, and Robinson--so hot..."
and
"A time of turbulent innocence..." (just take out "It was")
You may want to go through and see if similar spots can be tweaked. Great job overall and best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2010
|
Great job on this acrostic, especially taking such a long phrase and being able to work in a rhyme scheme on top of it (and not an obvious one, either, as "lives" in the end refers back to "survives" in the 5th verse). Great job working in all those song and pop-culture references; too bad you left out Malcolm, but can't get everything in there. My one suggestion would be that this has such a nice lyrical feel, I would recommend striving for internal rhtyhm consistency between rhyming lines. This will help bring out the rhyme as well and make it feel more like the song lyrics you refer to. For example, take these four lines:
"Cinema heroes, Butch, Sundance and Mrs. Robinson, so hot (17 syllables)
Hell No We Won't Go - burning draft cards in a cloud of pot (15 syllables)
It was a time of turbulent innocence going out with a roar (18 syllables)
Love-ins & sit-ins - fervent believers Making Love Not War (16 syllables)
The extra beat in the longer lines disrupts the rhythm. You may not have realized this with some of the words that have multiple syllables (e.g. Mrs=Missus) or the "&". Easy fix, though:
"Cinema heroes: Butch, Sundance, and Robinson--so hot..."
and
"A time of turbulent innocence..." (just take out "It was")
You may want to go through and see if similar spots can be tweaked. Great job overall and best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2010
-
I certainly appreciate your very detailed and helpful review. I will definitely try and incorporate those changes and repost. It means a lot to have these reviews, as I am fairly new to this and am still learning! Sandy
Comment from patmedium
Sandy.... No apostrophe in its on the Woodstock line?
Back down memory lane to Penny Lane, where, if we look up we can just catch sight of Lucy. Over there, we see a lamppost with it's flowers growing... my knee-high brown suede boots sporting bright orange saucer-sized daisies... Nights at The Cavern, when I could cadge a late pass from the Sister in charge of the nurse's home...
Oh, you bring it all back. AND MORE!
Pat.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2010
|
Sandy.... No apostrophe in its on the Woodstock line?
Back down memory lane to Penny Lane, where, if we look up we can just catch sight of Lucy. Over there, we see a lamppost with it's flowers growing... my knee-high brown suede boots sporting bright orange saucer-sized daisies... Nights at The Cavern, when I could cadge a late pass from the Sister in charge of the nurse's home...
Oh, you bring it all back. AND MORE!
Pat.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2010
-
Thank you Pat, I will make that change. Glad I was able to take you down memory lane! It was a fun write, but kind of difficult (I should have picked a shorter title - lol). Most of the happenings I remembered well; some, I must confess I had to google! Thank you again for taking your time to comment and for the wonderful rating! Sandy
Comment from Alexander E Poet
I thought this was excellent, kind of a snapshot of the sixties, of culturesle of individualism, peace and understanding, free sex marijuana, in good times I like this because I was there. Well done Alexander
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2010
|
I thought this was excellent, kind of a snapshot of the sixties, of culturesle of individualism, peace and understanding, free sex marijuana, in good times I like this because I was there. Well done Alexander
Comment Written 28-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2010
-
Thanks so much Alexander - I'm glad I was able to bring back some memories. Yes, they were definitely the "good old days"! Thank you so much for your kind words and excellent rating! Much appreciated. Sandy