Goodbyes
THe beginning of my first short story31 total reviews
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
"When you are gone, we will miss you." I am unsure who will be gone; perhaps you could give us more detail here.
As I read further, it seems you are talking about an ailing mother. I still think something to identify her in the first paragraph would be good.
Your punctuation looks good to me, and I think you have the beginnings of a good story. I hope you will post more for us.
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2024
  |
"When you are gone, we will miss you." I am unsure who will be gone; perhaps you could give us more detail here.
As I read further, it seems you are talking about an ailing mother. I still think something to identify her in the first paragraph would be good.
Your punctuation looks good to me, and I think you have the beginnings of a good story. I hope you will post more for us.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 07-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2024
-
Hi Pam
Thanks for the constructive criticism and encouraging remarks. . The rest of the story is in my portfolio.
Joan
Comment from Teri7
I enjoyed reading this. I was just ready to keep reading more. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to your next post! I hope some good things happen. love and blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2024
|
I enjoyed reading this. I was just ready to keep reading more. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to your next post! I hope some good things happen. love and blessings, Teri
Comment Written 05-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2024
-
Hi Teri, Glad you liked it. Thanks for the review. This is an older post the rest is in my portfolio or in my new book The Interloper and other stories in prose and poetry by Joan Pechter. It is available on Amazon.com.
Joan
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
I certainly do think it's good enough, Joan! It's a very inviting introduction that beckons me to want to know more. The scene is beautifully and nostalgically described and the sense of trepidation at the end is an added pull on our emotions. The only part I was unsure of concerns the first paragraph where you switch to the 2nd person: When (you) are gone...
But I'm looking forward to reading more so keep writing:) Well done! Debbie
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2024
|
I certainly do think it's good enough, Joan! It's a very inviting introduction that beckons me to want to know more. The scene is beautifully and nostalgically described and the sense of trepidation at the end is an added pull on our emotions. The only part I was unsure of concerns the first paragraph where you switch to the 2nd person: When (you) are gone...
But I'm looking forward to reading more so keep writing:) Well done! Debbie
Comment Written 05-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2024
-
Hi Debbie,
Thanks for read and review. The is talking about her mother in her mind.
This is an older post the rest is in my portfolio or in my new book The Interloper and other stories in prose and poetry, by Joan Pechter. It is available on Amazon.com. If I told you about it already, I am sorry for the repetition.
Joan
Comment from Begin Again
Intriguing! Saying goodbye to people or things always seems to carry a lot of baggage in the form of emotions - especially times that remind us our our childhood or an important part of life like losing a spouse. You did it very well and it was very moving.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2024
|
Intriguing! Saying goodbye to people or things always seems to carry a lot of baggage in the form of emotions - especially times that remind us our our childhood or an important part of life like losing a spouse. You did it very well and it was very moving.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 05-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2024
-
Thanks, Carol, for both reading and reviewing. I am glad you like it so much.
Joan
Comment from Sanku
Please continue .I love reading stories that speak of old memories and personal experiences .This part is well done and i would love to read the rest .all the best.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2024
|
Please continue .I love reading stories that speak of old memories and personal experiences .This part is well done and i would love to read the rest .all the best.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2024
-
Hi Santha,
I am glad you liked it. Thanks.
The whole story is in the book I told you about earlier.
Joan
Comment from Nicki.B
I just want to say I think you've written very well, that said I'm not a professional writer and I cannot answer your question but, you've made this a heartfelt easy read but at the same time emotionally difficult, it can capture memories of readers in similar circumstances. Well done
Best Wishes
Nicki
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2024
|
I just want to say I think you've written very well, that said I'm not a professional writer and I cannot answer your question but, you've made this a heartfelt easy read but at the same time emotionally difficult, it can capture memories of readers in similar circumstances. Well done
Best Wishes
Nicki
Comment Written 04-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2024
-
Thanks for the encouraging comments, Nicki. I am glad you got the emotional response.
Joan
Comment from BethShelby
I think it is very well-written prose and you should continue it. Saying goodbye to places where I've spent a lot of my life is always hard for me. It is also hard watching our parents get older and weaker. Mine are already gone so it is my children's turn to watch me. It's the path we all travel.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2024
|
I think it is very well-written prose and you should continue it. Saying goodbye to places where I've spent a lot of my life is always hard for me. It is also hard watching our parents get older and weaker. Mine are already gone so it is my children's turn to watch me. It's the path we all travel.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2024
-
Hi Beth,
Thanks for the comments and all the stars. Both my parents are gone too. Both did of cancer with quick deterioration.
Joan
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Sorry for my absence. It will be a few weeks til things presume normalcy in Western NC. Helene did a number on Western. N.C. We were spared with a minimal inconvenience. Others (72) are dead, and more than 200 are m.i.a.
As I sit seeing the sun rise, I realize how blessed we were when anything but a few miles North of us aren't there any longer.
Good luck with this release.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2024
|
Sorry for my absence. It will be a few weeks til things presume normalcy in Western NC. Helene did a number on Western. N.C. We were spared with a minimal inconvenience. Others (72) are dead, and more than 200 are m.i.a.
As I sit seeing the sun rise, I realize how blessed we were when anything but a few miles North of us aren't there any longer.
Good luck with this release.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2024
-
No apologies necessary, Tom. I completely understand. I hope a lot of the missing in action turn out safe. It is horrible what nature can do to us. The hurricane victims are in my prayer.
Thanks for reading.
Joan
Comment from Kahlani
Please keep writing; I'm eager to read the rest of the story. Your writing is very descriptive and makes me FEEL. Note: The comma goes before the end quotation, just like the question mark and full stop. No comma is needed if you've used a full stop or question mark.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2024
|
Please keep writing; I'm eager to read the rest of the story. Your writing is very descriptive and makes me FEEL. Note: The comma goes before the end quotation, just like the question mark and full stop. No comma is needed if you've used a full stop or question mark.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2024
-
Thanks for reading and editing my story, Kahlani.
The rest of the story is in my portfolio under Goodbyes part two.
The whole story is also in my new book 'The Interloper and other stories in prose and poetry. Available on Amazon.com.
Joan
-
Good to know. I'll check it out. Maybe one day I'll write a book of poems!
-
That will come next for me. I just have to figure out whether I want them all on one subject or a variety of subjects.
Joan
Comment from Rachelle Allen
I guess my main question is: WHY DID YOU WAIT SO LONG??? This is your first try at prose??? You're a NATURAL!!! I'm totally looking forward to Part II. You have piqued my curiosity and started us off with a solid foundation.
My one thought is that everything was in the present tense until you got to the last paragraph, and then suddenly it went into past tense. So, keep your tenses consistent. Everything else, I though, went GREAT!! Encore! Encore!! xoxox
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2024
|
I guess my main question is: WHY DID YOU WAIT SO LONG??? This is your first try at prose??? You're a NATURAL!!! I'm totally looking forward to Part II. You have piqued my curiosity and started us off with a solid foundation.
My one thought is that everything was in the present tense until you got to the last paragraph, and then suddenly it went into past tense. So, keep your tenses consistent. Everything else, I though, went GREAT!! Encore! Encore!! xoxox
Comment Written 03-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2024
-
Thanks for such strong encouragement for my prose, Rachelle. It is much appreciates. The whole story is available in my new book 'The Interloper and other stories in prose and poetry'. It is available on Amazon.com. This was written a while ago and part 2 is in my portfolio.
