Pirates Pick The Wrong Ship
Seals on vacation, encounter pirates.19 total reviews
Comment from Slush Pile
This is a unique story, but one that I had some trouble grasping. I wasn't sure if these men were still on active duty or not. Where were the girlfriends coming from? The premise of the story is good, but missing some of the necessary 'set-up'; thus, the four star rating. Blessings, Slush Pile
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reply by the author on 29-Sep-2009
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This is a unique story, but one that I had some trouble grasping. I wasn't sure if these men were still on active duty or not. Where were the girlfriends coming from? The premise of the story is good, but missing some of the necessary 'set-up'; thus, the four star rating. Blessings, Slush Pile
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2009
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They were on R&R - a short vacation from Hell. Does it matter where the girlfriends are coming from, or that they were meeting them? I hear what you're saying, but there were not too many words to work with in this short flash fiction story. - Thanks for your review. - Thesis
Comment from wierdgrace
wow, what a adventure, and a great adventure story for this contest, this happens a lot, and I so glad you are all right, good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2009
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wow, what a adventure, and a great adventure story for this contest, this happens a lot, and I so glad you are all right, good luck in the contest
Comment Written 23-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2009
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Thanks Grace. Yeah, that was quite an adventure. These guys know what they're doing. - Thesis
Comment from FredCollingwood
I have several friends who are Navy SEALs--they're a different and very special breed. I've often thought that merchant ships should place a couple or ex-SEALs on board with Barratt .50 Cal sniper rifles. It would end piracy.
I love this story. Young Mathew in my book grows up to be a SEAL.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2009
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I have several friends who are Navy SEALs--they're a different and very special breed. I've often thought that merchant ships should place a couple or ex-SEALs on board with Barratt .50 Cal sniper rifles. It would end piracy.
I love this story. Young Mathew in my book grows up to be a SEAL.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2009
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Thanks Fred. I agree. I had the pleasure to serve for awhile myself. We would stop all this crap, really quickly. - Thesis
Comment from Marjorie D.
They definitely picked the wrong ship. Having dispensed with the cutthroat pirates, the three Navy Seals probably reaped the benefits of their heroics. I love that premise. Nice job of fitting the words in smoothly.
Best of luck, Thesis!
XO
Marjorie
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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They definitely picked the wrong ship. Having dispensed with the cutthroat pirates, the three Navy Seals probably reaped the benefits of their heroics. I love that premise. Nice job of fitting the words in smoothly.
Best of luck, Thesis!
XO
Marjorie
Comment Written 23-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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Thanks for the great review, Marjorie. Yes, I'm sure theri grilfriends were grateful for their abilities. I like a happy ending in two hundred words. - Thesis
Comment from WRITER1
A VERY GOOD STORY! Perhaps we should keep some of these men on board of these ships that are being attacked. It is a terrible thing in this day and age.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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A VERY GOOD STORY! Perhaps we should keep some of these men on board of these ships that are being attacked. It is a terrible thing in this day and age.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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It is a real problem. These poor uneducated bullies know that the cruise lines don't want trouble. A Navy presence on the ship would be a great deterrent. I bet these pirates stop trying to rob ships. - Thesis
Comment from MizKat
I liked this, 'trying to remedy our sobriety'. Neat way to put it. This line is fantastic too. 'Happy, the passengers and crew quickly buried the three of us in hugs of gratitude'. I especially liked buried used with hugs. You really have a way with words.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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I liked this, 'trying to remedy our sobriety'. Neat way to put it. This line is fantastic too. 'Happy, the passengers and crew quickly buried the three of us in hugs of gratitude'. I especially liked buried used with hugs. You really have a way with words.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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Hi MizKat. I'm glad you enjoyed my story and the lines. I tried to make the most of the two hundred words. - Thesis
Comment from ryanlion
a nice bit of quickfire action, the story moved along at a cracking pace and there wasn't a word out of place, a good idea considering the amount of pirate stories on the news
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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a nice bit of quickfire action, the story moved along at a cracking pace and there wasn't a word out of place, a good idea considering the amount of pirate stories on the news
Comment Written 23-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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Thanks ryan. I thought of the latest Seal rescue and thought it would be interesting to have SEALS on board during a robbery attempt. Glad you liked it. - Thesis
Comment from Cooper Watt
Thesis,
You've crafted a solid, hit-all-the-marks story.
If I had to find one fault, I might say it seemed a little flat. I know it's flash fiction, but I find a story is always much better if there's at least one bit of imagery by way of analogy. Rich being "a mountain of a man" is only borderline in that it's a little cliche.
I still give you five stars, no doubt. My critique is merely nitpicking.
Good luck with the contest, my friend.
Coop.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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Thesis,
You've crafted a solid, hit-all-the-marks story.
If I had to find one fault, I might say it seemed a little flat. I know it's flash fiction, but I find a story is always much better if there's at least one bit of imagery by way of analogy. Rich being "a mountain of a man" is only borderline in that it's a little cliche.
I still give you five stars, no doubt. My critique is merely nitpicking.
Good luck with the contest, my friend.
Coop.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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Coop, I agree with you. I just couldn't get enough in with two hundred words. You know I like action, but couldn't think of something that would fit. Thanks for the great review. Next time will be anything, but flat. - John
Comment from lola29
Excellent entry. You gave a taste of romance, mystery, and suspense - all good elements that keeps a reader interested. I love those Navy Seals.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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Excellent entry. You gave a taste of romance, mystery, and suspense - all good elements that keeps a reader interested. I love those Navy Seals.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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And they love those women who love them. Seal Team Six - John
Comment from RapturedHeart
I guess, if you're a Navy Seal, you never have to be afraid to go anywhere! This one was exciting, and had a clever surprise at the end, too. I liked the fast pacing of it, and that it had a happy ending:). All the best in the contest,
Heather
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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I guess, if you're a Navy Seal, you never have to be afraid to go anywhere! This one was exciting, and had a clever surprise at the end, too. I liked the fast pacing of it, and that it had a happy ending:). All the best in the contest,
Heather
Comment Written 23-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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It's a conditioned response. Never back down, never falter. If you go down, you do so with dignity and our country's flag as your strength. - Thesis
