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Flash Fiction

Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Playing By The Rules"
Collection of Flash, Micro, etc.

56 total reviews 
Comment from Mariea
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Another good piece Carol. Kept me intrigued all the way. Good character developement and believeable dialogue. No 'clutter' or 'flat' spots.

Have a great day

Regards Mia

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 20-Aug-2009
    Mia

    Thanks for reading and the kind review. I am glad that you enjoyed it.

    Carol
Comment from Soulester
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

"Playing by the Rules" is a good story. It certainly kept my interest, and I did not see the clever ending coming, even though you dropped clues earlier. No spags or weak parts. Great job!

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 20-Aug-2009
    Soulester

    Thanks for reading and for the kind review. I appreciate it very much. Carol
Comment from Perp Ihebom
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is a nice and interesting story. The fact that most of it is conversational makes it more lively. The ending was quite nice and i wished to read more. kudos

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 20-Aug-2009
    Perp

    Thanks so much for stopping by and reading my little story. It's hard to write and put everything into a few words, but this one I enjoyed. Glad you did too!

    Carol
Comment from dmjones
Excellent
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Hi Carol, this is really good and interesting to read. Great surprise twist with it being a set up. I couldn't find anything to change.

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 20-Aug-2009
    dmjones

    Thanks again for the reading and reviewing. I appreciate you taking the time...Now get back to Jake and Charlie...LOL

    Carol
Comment from bob cullen
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Very good.
Your writing leaves the reader wanting more. It is nicely paced and it concludes with a clincher that demands further reading.
I found no errors. It is written in a most professional manner

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 20-Aug-2009
    Bob Thanks you for your kind review. I appreciate your reading and commenting. CArol
Comment from Writewoman
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Ouch!! Is there to be a follow-up chapter? This one is very well written. You are very good with dialogue, and I found no spags. James surely didn't deserve the betrayal. Writewoman

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 20-Aug-2009
    Writewoman

    Thank you for the kind review. This just jumped into my head while I was pondering a different contest. Thanks for reading and for the comments. Carol
Comment from nor84
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

One thing I'm noticing is that almost every time James speaks to Colin early-on, he says "Colin." Sometimes we do that when we're under stress, but it's easily overdone.

I began to suspect Colin was up to no good.

Exceptional! And I don't give sixers away easily.


 Comment Written 20-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 20-Aug-2009
    Nor

    Thank you so much for reading, enjoying and commenting on my story. That was certainly enough satisfaction. Your six stars is like the cherry on top of a sundae/ Thank you.

    I used Colin's name within the dialogue a little more than I thought necessary too. Someone wrote that they couldn't tell who was talking when. I thought it was clear since there were only two people, but I changed it anyway. Thanks again...You blew me away this morning. It's raining and you sent me some sunshine. Carol
Comment from RebelRose
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This was a very good story. It captured and held my interest all the way through. It is well written and the dialogue was believable.

 Comment Written 19-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 19-Aug-2009
    RebelRose

    Thanks for reading and for enjoying the story. I appreciate your comments. Carol
Comment from bc1yax
Excellent
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excellent just excellent - you had me on the ending - nothing in me would have though of that - I think someones in for a rude awakening - just how long did the FBI director think he would get away with this scam -

very smoothe read - no spag - characters felt alive -

-- bc1yax

 Comment Written 19-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 19-Aug-2009
    bclyax

    Thank you so much for the kind review. I am glad that you were surprised by the ending. Thanks again Carol
Comment from lerkun
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hello There, that was a good story but I had an inkling somewhere midway that the director was c'ing her.. not sure exactly what gave it away but nice clean write other than that..nothing within my capabilities to make suggestions on.

also not sure if u meant to bold the last two bits and in larger font

b well

lerk

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 Comment Written 19-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 19-Aug-2009
    Lerkun

    In so few words it is difficult to truly hide the story line. But I appreciate your stopping by and reading. Thanks again CArol
reply by lerkun on 19-Aug-2009
    it may have been the 'just another week is all I'm asking.. If he's the boss he shouldn't plead.. ;-D hope this helps