Comment from Patrick G Cox

Excellent

Short and very too the point, a little bit disturbing as well. It certainly gets the message across. I found nothing I could critcise in the piece. Well done.

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 08-Aug-2009

Thanks for reviewing Patrick. I tried to highlight one of the worst crimes and let it be seen from the victim's perspective. - Thesis

Comment from munira

Exceptional

I love your story,the way the killer thought,calling the police a monster,you used all the words and made the story interesting,i wish that the story did not have to end.

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 08-Aug-2009

Munira, thank you so much for your generous review. I wanted the story to have the victim's perspective. This is one of the worst crimes for anyone to have to deal with.

Thanks again for reading. - Thesis

Comment from OldVet

Good

This is well written but the flaw is: what crime scene would allow someone with a shotgun to come walking up? The CSI guys show up after the cops respond (and who would be guarding the site). Other than the opening sentence, You've done a great job of using the required words in such a short story.

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 08-Aug-2009

stranger things have happened, LOL. They would try to stop someone with a gun. In this instance he was no threat to them. Thanks for your review. - Thesis

Comment from Phil Kitom

Excellent

Wow you certainly crafted a most powerful
work with the words provided for this
contest. Only a few words, but a very
strong punch line about abuse. Well done...

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2009

Thank you Phil. I appreciate your comments. The story unfolded when I arranged the words like puzzle pieces. I kept moving them around until it all made sense. - Thesis

Comment from MaureenC

Excellent

Thesis, you capture the most indepth psychological damage that a child of child abuse suffers. An eye for an eye.
Terrible, but very well written, no corrections I could see.
Contains all the contest requirements, good luck.
Hugs and blessings
Maureen

 Comment Written 31-Jul-2009

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2009

Thanks so much Maureen. I'm glad that it all came together with these random words for the contest. - Thesis

Comment from pixiemillie

Excellent

Not a story that is too far off base- -we hear so much about this abuse of the child and the child turning on the abuser. You followed the contest rules with this write and it is one of the few I've read that I can understand. I'm sorry I did not review this before the deadline, but was unable to get on line. Thank you.

 Comment Written 31-Jul-2009

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2009

Thank you piximillie. I appreciate your comments anytime. I'm glad that you enjoyed the story. - Thesis

Comment from dihardest

Excellent

Devestating! Not only do you accomplish the challenge of the contest, you write an absolutely riveting, multi-layered piece in only 100 words! Quite a feat. To say so much in so few words is a triumph, proof you know what writing is.

 Comment Written 31-Jul-2009

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reply by the author on 02-Aug-2009

Thanks diehardest. I'm glad you enjoyed the story. It was a challenge with so few words, but it was fun. Thanks for your comments. - Thesis

Comment from nora arjuna

Excellent

A great entry, Thesis. What a chilling scene. I found no nits except I think you need an open quote here:

["]I love how I posed them

["]I passed sentence on them

All the best!

 Comment Written 31-Jul-2009

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reply by the author on 31-Jul-2009

Thanks arjuna, I'll take a look at that. - Thesis

Comment from learning_to_write

Excellent

I thought this was a very good story, simple and to the point. YOu made good use of the words and it was an interesting read.

 Comment Written 30-Jul-2009

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reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009

Thanks learning, I appreciate your comments. It was an interesting combination words. I'm glad it worked. - Thesis

Comment from blondiedots

Excellent

Very complex and compelling story in the concise structure allowed. Tight with a bite! Excellent use of the required words. Heartbreaking and haunting! Good luck in the contest!

 Comment Written 30-Jul-2009

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reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009

Thank you so much for your kind review. I'm glad it was a tight story. Initially, I looked at the words, sighed, and then pieced a story together. - Thesis