Comment from Kit Minden

Excellent

Consider adding a line between these two to give the picture of her reaction:
"Surprise!" echoed from family and friends around the room.

Wrapping his arms tightly around her, Steve gave his fiance a birthday kiss.

and drop the hoax line as we all know that already so it's unnecessary.

Good going!

 Comment Written 29-May-2009

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reply by the author on 29-May-2009

Thank you for reading and commenting on the story. It was fun to write and I'm glad readers are enjoying it.

Thanks again - CC

Comment from pilarblue

Excellent

I might have had to punch Steve before kissing him. I really would have wigged out. LOL! Great story! Good luck in the contest. :D Pilar

 Comment Written 29-May-2009

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reply by the author on 29-May-2009

Thank you very much for reading, enjoying and commenting.

I'm right there with you...not a nice trick!

Thanks again - CC

Comment from Shirley B

Excellent

Great job. I loved the story. I would want to kill everyone involved in this 'surprise'. I did not see that one coming. You did a great job. I enjoyed reading it. Happy writing. Shirley

 Comment Written 28-May-2009

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reply by the author on 29-May-2009

Thank you very much for reading and enjoying the story. I was looking for a twist and by the sound of all reviews I certainly found it. I agree that I wouldn't want this surprise, but it's good for the story.

Thanks for your comments -- CC

Comment from Poe_Named_Me_Lenore

Excellent

The suspense was fantastic in this story. You had me hooked from beginning to end. I particularly liked what you did with the time at the end. It really added to how anxious Jenna was feeling. Glad this was just a story, though, because hoax or not, if he was mine I'd kill him lol!

 Comment Written 28-May-2009

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reply by the author on 28-May-2009

Just about everyone including myself feels that way!!! Writing is fun because endings like this can happen and no one gets hurt. Real life would be tough...even if he meant well. I value a sense of humor, but this???

Thanks again for reading and commenting. I'm glad you enjoyed it! -- CC

Comment from BookDaisy

Excellent

A great story! Very well written - good tension and a great ending. You're a good story teller, Begin Again. I hope you have lots more.

 Comment Written 28-May-2009

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reply by the author on 28-May-2009

Thank you for the nice accolades. My family has told me throughout my life that I could write, but until recently it was usually for someone else. Joining fan story, I have found an outlet that makes me very happy. I write for enjoyment and others enjoy! What more could I ask....

Thank you for reading and commenting. -- CC

Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

I think I'd have killed him on the spot! My husband and I have vowed never to throw each other surprise parties for this very reason. You certainly built suspense. The time count down devise added to that effect. Well done.

 Comment Written 28-May-2009

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reply by the author on 28-May-2009

Thank you for reading and commenting on my story. I agree wholeheartedly that in real life I would have killed him too.
But writing fiction allows me to write whatever works at the time and nobody gets hurt. Hurrah!

Thanks again - CC

Comment from MaureenC

Excellent

CC, just great. Love the structure. Suspense building via the time line is an excellent touch to the overall effect.
Just as well it is a story and no-one is hurt.
Good work
Hugs
Maureen

 Comment Written 28-May-2009

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reply by the author on 28-May-2009

Thank you very much for reading and commenting. I had fun writing this, but I certainly would not want it to happen in real life. It;s more of a practical joke than I could take.

Guess that;s why writing is fun...say and do anything, but no one truly gets hurt. At least in fiction.

Thank you again - CC

Comment from Phil Kitom

Excellent

An interesting poem that leads us to believe that the husband is playing away, but then we discover in the end that this is not the case but just the wife laying a secret party for him...

 Comment Written 28-May-2009

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reply by the author on 28-May-2009

Thank you for reading and for your comments. - CC

Comment from thorleypaul1

Excellent

A very good piece of flash writing and you got the readers attension and had the nice twist at the end. I was half hoping for a bad ending though as that would be very interesting! :-)

Hope you win.

 Comment Written 28-May-2009

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reply by the author on 28-May-2009

Thank you very much for taking the time to read and comment on my story. I think we had a bad ending lol....At least all the women who have commented on the writing say they would kill their boyfriend if this happened to them

That's the nice part about writing...you can say and do anything and no one get s hurt.

Thanks again - CC

Comment from Juliette Chamberlain

Excellent

This is an excellent piece of flash fiction.
The story is compelling, characters believable and dialogue understandable.
The kind of scenario could surely only be lived in fiction though, as the shock at the end would spell the end of many a relationship, mine included.

Juliette

 Comment Written 28-May-2009

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reply by the author on 28-May-2009

So true...so true! That was the fun in writing it...no one can get hurt!

Thank you for reading and commenting. I greatly appreciate it! -- CC