Chasing the Elusive Dream
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Movin' On Up"A southern couple's journey in the 60's,70's & 80'
34 total reviews
Comment from amada
I like the easy anc charming way you write about those years. It's truly delightful the sincerity in the highs and downs in a couple.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2009
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I like the easy anc charming way you write about those years. It's truly delightful the sincerity in the highs and downs in a couple.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2009
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Amanda, Thank you so much for the review and nice comments.
Beth
Comment from jojosug
Oh, I remember having a similar incident with a washing machine. This is a lovely gentle piece of writing, with a nice wry twist to it.
Jo
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2009
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Oh, I remember having a similar incident with a washing machine. This is a lovely gentle piece of writing, with a nice wry twist to it.
Jo
Comment Written 06-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2009
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jojosug, Thanks so much for your review and comments.
Beth
Comment from Julasif
I enjoyed this! I could really relate to it in fact, especially the cooking part. It brought back some of my own memories, and I guess that is what good writing should do!
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2009
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I enjoyed this! I could really relate to it in fact, especially the cooking part. It brought back some of my own memories, and I guess that is what good writing should do!
Comment Written 06-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2009
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Thank you for the review and comment. I'm glad you enjoyed it and can relate.
Beth
Comment from MsRefusenik
You remind me of the early days of my marriage. Living paycheck to paycheck was a luxury, no? Funny now--not so funny then. Thanks for sharing your funny experiences in this well-written piece.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2009
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You remind me of the early days of my marriage. Living paycheck to paycheck was a luxury, no? Funny now--not so funny then. Thanks for sharing your funny experiences in this well-written piece.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2009
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Thank you for your review and comments. You have that right. It is certainly funnier now that it was then.
Beth
Comment from Sarah_Goldwell
This is a very good piece of work. It is well written, well edited, and well presented. The flow is good and easy to follow, there are no adjustments needed.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2009
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This is a very good piece of work. It is well written, well edited, and well presented. The flow is good and easy to follow, there are no adjustments needed.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2009
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Goldwell, Thank you for your nice comment and the review.
Beth
Comment from Soulester
Dear Beth, I am getting hooked on your stories! This one is another classic. You write with such humor! Those parts where you sought a new apartment that wasn't quite as "unique--and preparing the boss's dinner party--was too funny!!! Your descriptions make the reader feel as if we're right there with you. These stories are good stuff! (Spags: 1) "Without ever awaking (awakening)..." and 2) Delete the . in front of "My shocked husband... ")
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2009
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Dear Beth, I am getting hooked on your stories! This one is another classic. You write with such humor! Those parts where you sought a new apartment that wasn't quite as "unique--and preparing the boss's dinner party--was too funny!!! Your descriptions make the reader feel as if we're right there with you. These stories are good stuff! (Spags: 1) "Without ever awaking (awakening)..." and 2) Delete the . in front of "My shocked husband... ")
Comment Written 06-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2009
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Soulester, I do appreciate your review and comment and I'm glad you found the spags. I'm glad you are enjoying my stories.
Beth
Comment from Freeflyer
This could be amusing if it weren't so serious. This poor young couple do seem to be having a hard time of it. I continue to read your story slowly. I am enjoying it immensely and can find no fault.
Freeflyer
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2009
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This could be amusing if it weren't so serious. This poor young couple do seem to be having a hard time of it. I continue to read your story slowly. I am enjoying it immensely and can find no fault.
Freeflyer
Comment Written 06-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2009
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Thank you Freeflyer, It wasn't so bad as it may sound. We had a lot of good times but the mishaps are just more amusing and fun to talk about.
Beth
Comment from Helen Tan
Another enjoyable episode in your eventful life. I've left a few points for you to look at, hope you'll find them helpful.
a locked door between the neighboring apartment and us.
This is an odd design.
At the end of one year of marriage and my sophomore year in college, our first year's lease was up on that weird apartment with its split-level bathroom and pint sized kitchen and we decided to go looking for something a little less unique.
Suggest breaking this sentence into 2 as follows, "...sized kitchen. We decided..."
I was having a heart attack and wouldn't be able to be a proper hostess.
This is "corporate stress" of a housewife.
while the greasy transmission was unassembled into a zillion pieces on the kitchen floor of our little apartment
"unassembled" should be "dissembled"
My goodness, this is the first time I've heard of repairing a car in a kitchen.
At the end of the three weeks, Evan got a huge bag and loaded it with all the many screws, bolts and other paraphernalia and hauled it in to a repair center.
This had me cracking up, it probably cost you more in this state.
and TV.
Suggest you spell out in fill for formal narrative writing, "television", it's fine if you use this abbreviation in dialogue.
"I Love Lucy"
My mum named my sister "Lucy" after this show.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2009
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Another enjoyable episode in your eventful life. I've left a few points for you to look at, hope you'll find them helpful.
a locked door between the neighboring apartment and us.
This is an odd design.
At the end of one year of marriage and my sophomore year in college, our first year's lease was up on that weird apartment with its split-level bathroom and pint sized kitchen and we decided to go looking for something a little less unique.
Suggest breaking this sentence into 2 as follows, "...sized kitchen. We decided..."
I was having a heart attack and wouldn't be able to be a proper hostess.
This is "corporate stress" of a housewife.
while the greasy transmission was unassembled into a zillion pieces on the kitchen floor of our little apartment
"unassembled" should be "dissembled"
My goodness, this is the first time I've heard of repairing a car in a kitchen.
At the end of the three weeks, Evan got a huge bag and loaded it with all the many screws, bolts and other paraphernalia and hauled it in to a repair center.
This had me cracking up, it probably cost you more in this state.
and TV.
Suggest you spell out in fill for formal narrative writing, "television", it's fine if you use this abbreviation in dialogue.
"I Love Lucy"
My mum named my sister "Lucy" after this show.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2009
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Helen, Thank you, You do an excellent job of editing and I enjoy your comments. The locked door isn't ideal but the is the way it was. It had a sofa sitting in front of it. Thank you for the suggestion. I will make so changes and you are right the auto shop did charge more.
Comment from Annelisa
Another hilarious story. I love reading your life "histories". I wouldn't have been able to pull myself away from "I Love Lucy" either.
Well done.
Annelisa
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2009
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Another hilarious story. I love reading your life "histories". I wouldn't have been able to pull myself away from "I Love Lucy" either.
Well done.
Annelisa
Comment Written 04-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2009
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Annelisa, Thanks, I glad you enjoyed it. The reruns just seem silly now but back the good days, they made me lsugh.
Beth
Comment from DecrepitOldBag
Beth, you write your memories so very well. I remember those washing machines which had to be dragged to the sink and all the hoses etc., the residents downstairs must ahve been well startled!
Can you please tell me, what is sophomore year? I don't think we have such a thing here. You leave school, you go to colelge to take 'A' levels, then you go to uni - where you are 'a fresher'. Other than that....?
Also, what is catsup? Sounds like my kitties might like it - although they'd not appreciate the spaghetti! LOL
Only noticed one editorial glitch:
"...trumpet player and his and his girlfriend..."
Really enjoyable reading. Why don't you gather all these delightful stories into a book? I'd buy it for sure.
Warmest wishes
Kat
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2009
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Beth, you write your memories so very well. I remember those washing machines which had to be dragged to the sink and all the hoses etc., the residents downstairs must ahve been well startled!
Can you please tell me, what is sophomore year? I don't think we have such a thing here. You leave school, you go to colelge to take 'A' levels, then you go to uni - where you are 'a fresher'. Other than that....?
Also, what is catsup? Sounds like my kitties might like it - although they'd not appreciate the spaghetti! LOL
Only noticed one editorial glitch:
"...trumpet player and his and his girlfriend..."
Really enjoyable reading. Why don't you gather all these delightful stories into a book? I'd buy it for sure.
Warmest wishes
Kat
Comment Written 04-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2009
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Kat, thanks for reading and you delightful comments. In highschool and college we have four levels, Freshmen, Sophmore, Junior and Senior. Sophmore is the 2nd level.
There are several ways to spell Catsup or Ketchup is a tomato based condiment with spices. I doubt if the cats would care for it. What is wrong with this editing? I took that glitch out three hours ago and not it is back in again. How frustrating.
Beth
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Ah ketchup! LOL silly me! My kids love it, and no the cats are not at all keen! Thanks for explaining the system to me. So you do 4 years in 'college' then. I guess that's our equivalent to uni - where these kids usually do three years, unless they also go for a 'Masters degree' in addition to their Bachelors degree. My own son is repeating his last year for the bachelors degree. Silly boy broke his ankle! Broken legs/ankles/anything not so good for archaeologists and the requisite digging! He wants to do a 'Masters' after that, but since that would be self funded, it's looking unlikely. Poor Uther.
Evil Eddie needs a good slap if you ask me. The times I've edited stuff out and had it reappear is no-one's business!
Love and warm wishes.
Kat
