Chasing the Elusive Dream
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Movin' On Up"A southern couple's journey in the 60's,70's & 80'
34 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Oh my goodness! That sounds so scary. I can't imagine what it took to have those hoses stay in place like that.
I like your sauce recipe - that's inventive to use ketchup - and it's sweeter, too. Lol.
to make sure every[thing?] stayed in place.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2021
  |
Oh my goodness! That sounds so scary. I can't imagine what it took to have those hoses stay in place like that.
I like your sauce recipe - that's inventive to use ketchup - and it's sweeter, too. Lol.
to make sure every[thing?] stayed in place.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2021
-
Thanks for the review and comments. Evan was releaved to have meat added to his diet. I wasn't a meat eater so I could live without it.
Beth
Comment from Sandra Barlow
I am glad you finally progressed from tinned food. This is alien to me as I have never eaten a meal from a can.
I know what it is like to be engrossed in something and not aware of what's going on around me. Nothing that bad has happened.
You don't mention the state of your relationship with Evan much. What did you talk about? Was the sex great? Did you ever have disagreements?
I'm rocking along with each chapter, eager to know more.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2021
|
I am glad you finally progressed from tinned food. This is alien to me as I have never eaten a meal from a can.
I know what it is like to be engrossed in something and not aware of what's going on around me. Nothing that bad has happened.
You don't mention the state of your relationship with Evan much. What did you talk about? Was the sex great? Did you ever have disagreements?
I'm rocking along with each chapter, eager to know more.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2021
-
Thanks for the review and comments. Evan was on the quiet side, but we enjoyed doing things together. We liked the same music. He liked growing vegetables. I liked growing flowers. We liked movies and sports like bowling and archery. Sex was great. I never said no so there was a lot of that. He had a good sense of humor. We laughed a lot. We disagreed on some things, but nothing major. He never gave me a reason to be jealous, because he never paid attention to other women. I liked to go places more than him and sometimes I insisted going out when he would have perfered to stay home.
-
Thank you or filling in some missed bits. I guess you put more in the original. Sandra xxx
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
A wince-worthy tour de force of bad cookery! Ketchup! My mother used to binge on pasta with butter and ketchup, eaten right from the pot--fortunately, she never served it to others. Amusing chapter!
Her cries awakend=>AWAKENED Evan
Be quite=>QUIET
laundrymat=>laundromat
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2021
|
A wince-worthy tour de force of bad cookery! Ketchup! My mother used to binge on pasta with butter and ketchup, eaten right from the pot--fortunately, she never served it to others. Amusing chapter!
Her cries awakend=>AWAKENED Evan
Be quite=>QUIET
laundrymat=>laundromat
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2021
-
Thanks, I guess my recipe was a after eating food from cans. Actually with chilli powder and onions it wasn't horrible. We didn't have gormet taste. LOL I appreciate you finding the typos.
Beth
Comment from Gert sherwood
Beth
My what a great story of what is that happened when you were living in your tiny apartment.
I had to smile what you told us of the washing machine.
I recall of what I did without a washing machine
Two metal tubs in the basement and a scrub board.
Not so now.
Gert
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
|
Beth
My what a great story of what is that happened when you were living in your tiny apartment.
I had to smile what you told us of the washing machine.
I recall of what I did without a washing machine
Two metal tubs in the basement and a scrub board.
Not so now.
Gert
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
-
Thank you Gert. Any machine or laundry mat witll beat a tub and a scrub board. That is the way my mother and grandmother did laundry. Mom eventually got the old wringer type.
Beth
-
You are so welcome Beth
Gert
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is another hilarious chapter, Beth. My favorite part is the female neighbor calling for help and you calling back that you'd be there in a minute, lol. Great writing. I did find a few spags, though.
"The funiture was from and(an)earlier time, "
"I can imagine the mechanic's amusement over that incident." The space between this paragraph and the next is missing and there is a stray period at the beginning
.The one thing lacking in this apartment was a..."
"Of course, there was no water connection of(to the) washing machine, so every time I washed, I had to drag the thing over to(the) kitchen sink and connect the hoses to the faucet and place the drain hose in(into) the sink."
My second washer, after an old wringer was a little portable with one compartment for washing/rinsing and one for spinning. The se up was the same as yours and I recall flooding the kitchen a couple of times.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
|
This is another hilarious chapter, Beth. My favorite part is the female neighbor calling for help and you calling back that you'd be there in a minute, lol. Great writing. I did find a few spags, though.
"The funiture was from and(an)earlier time, "
"I can imagine the mechanic's amusement over that incident." The space between this paragraph and the next is missing and there is a stray period at the beginning
.The one thing lacking in this apartment was a..."
"Of course, there was no water connection of(to the) washing machine, so every time I washed, I had to drag the thing over to(the) kitchen sink and connect the hoses to the faucet and place the drain hose in(into) the sink."
My second washer, after an old wringer was a little portable with one compartment for washing/rinsing and one for spinning. The se up was the same as yours and I recall flooding the kitchen a couple of times.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
-
Thank you so much Judy. I'm glad you found my story funny. I really appreciate you pointing out the errors you found, so I could correct them.
Beth
-
You are welcome, Beth. There are many dramatic stories on here lately. This bit of humor is needed for balance.
Comment from Ben Colder
LOL. You have my undivided attention and still laughing. Not the same, but we had a few things to deal with too. Oh, young married couples and the thoughts behind
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
 |
LOL. You have my undivided attention and still laughing. Not the same, but we had a few things to deal with too. Oh, young married couples and the thoughts behind
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
-
Thank you so much for reviewing this. It didn't show up in my portfolio after I posted it, and I was afraid FanStory wasn't notifying anyone it was there. You are the first to review it and I appreciate your comments, and the six stars.
Beth
Comment from Janelle
I laughed so hard when I read this. It brought back so many memories. We used to do it so hard in those days, compared to todays young couples. My first husband and I married in 1972 and our tiny black and white TV sat on the cardboard box it came in with a lace tablecloth over it because we didn't have anything else to put it on. We had our gas heater turned off by the gas company because we didn't pay the bill on time and it took six weeks to get it back on. Ahhhh those were the days.
A really enjoyable read about the trials and tribulations faced by newly married couples just starting out. Well done, regards, Jan
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2009
|
I laughed so hard when I read this. It brought back so many memories. We used to do it so hard in those days, compared to todays young couples. My first husband and I married in 1972 and our tiny black and white TV sat on the cardboard box it came in with a lace tablecloth over it because we didn't have anything else to put it on. We had our gas heater turned off by the gas company because we didn't pay the bill on time and it took six weeks to get it back on. Ahhhh those were the days.
A really enjoyable read about the trials and tribulations faced by newly married couples just starting out. Well done, regards, Jan
Comment Written 08-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2009
-
Jan, Thank you for the review and comments. You story made laugh. It is good thing we do those things when we're young.
Beth
Comment from Amicus
You have managed to produce another well written amusing tale about early marriage here, Beth. Details are what make this work so well, I admire the skill with which you chose the most telling one to use.
I loved the spaghetti sauce "recipe"--yuk! But it seems you and mate survived and thrived on your cooking and your love for one another which comes through all your writings.
Nice job.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2009
|
You have managed to produce another well written amusing tale about early marriage here, Beth. Details are what make this work so well, I admire the skill with which you chose the most telling one to use.
I loved the spaghetti sauce "recipe"--yuk! But it seems you and mate survived and thrived on your cooking and your love for one another which comes through all your writings.
Nice job.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2009
-
Amicus, Thank you for the review and for your lovely comments.
Beth
Comment from bbrancazio
This story is very lite and entertaing,with just the right amount of humor. There are a few spags that can be corrected if you try reading this aloud a few times.But otherwise great work!
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2009
|
This story is very lite and entertaing,with just the right amount of humor. There are a few spags that can be corrected if you try reading this aloud a few times.But otherwise great work!
Comment Written 07-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2009
-
Thank you very much for review and your comments.
Beth
Comment from WhiteRider
Hi Beth,
First off, I am not exactly sure what this is. Story, essay, anecdote? Whatever it is, you've written it well.
You have a lovely, gentle way of putting your words together that wholly engaging. Since your tag line says its a continuing adventure, I'll ignore the lack of a beginning, no conflict, etc.
I only found three wobbles:
Without ever awakening, I yelled back, - 'awakening' is a noun. Therefor you want 'waking' instead.
It wasn't long after, the transmission went out - Replace the comma with 'that'.
"Don't worry about it[,]" Bill, one of his coworkers told him. - Needs a comma after 'it'.
I should point out that there may be more, but I tend to gloss over them if I am drawn in to the story, as I was drawn into this one. I cringed at the thought of ketchup and chili powder, and cringed even more when your husband invited guests!
Nicely done, Beth.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2009
|
Hi Beth,
First off, I am not exactly sure what this is. Story, essay, anecdote? Whatever it is, you've written it well.
You have a lovely, gentle way of putting your words together that wholly engaging. Since your tag line says its a continuing adventure, I'll ignore the lack of a beginning, no conflict, etc.
I only found three wobbles:
Without ever awakening, I yelled back, - 'awakening' is a noun. Therefor you want 'waking' instead.
It wasn't long after, the transmission went out - Replace the comma with 'that'.
"Don't worry about it[,]" Bill, one of his coworkers told him. - Needs a comma after 'it'.
I should point out that there may be more, but I tend to gloss over them if I am drawn in to the story, as I was drawn into this one. I cringed at the thought of ketchup and chili powder, and cringed even more when your husband invited guests!
Nicely done, Beth.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2009
-
White Rider, Thank you so much for your review and comments. It is a personal essay and I had posted one earlier called "The Adverture Begins" I am not sure what to do about the corrections you suggest because I originally had "waking" and "that" instead of a comma. I had suggestions from other readers that I change the waking to awakening and that I not use the word "that" They claimed the word "that" is way overused and I should use a comma instead. I am starting to become confused and I think I need and English refresher course. I do agree about the third comma you mentioned.
-
Hi Beth. You'd want to keep the comma, and use a verb instead of a noun. Easy. :) But verify for yourself by going to
http://wordnetweb.princeton.edu and typing in 'awakening'.
See what shows up as a verb and what shows as a noun. :)
Cheers!
-
I did take your suggestion and changed it back to waking. My initial wording was correct.
Beth
-
Yeah, that's kind of the problem with places such as this, Beth. We all believe we know what we are talking about when we make suggestions, and we are as varied as the stars.
It's up to you to separate the wheat from the chaff and decide which suggestions work for you, and which don't.
Obviously, by following the simple 'Every noun has a verb' rule, you found an alternative that works; your original. :)
