A Leaf on the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 63 "The End of Two Long Years"Autobiography of abuse
11 total reviews
Comment from medicnate
Fantastic idea of his; to have you write this book. I think it will be a best seller. Have shopped it around yet. There are so many stories within the pages that you have to get this out there. Once again, this is a very well written chapter, very exciting from beginning to end.
Nice work
~medicnate~
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2009
  |
Fantastic idea of his; to have you write this book. I think it will be a best seller. Have shopped it around yet. There are so many stories within the pages that you have to get this out there. Once again, this is a very well written chapter, very exciting from beginning to end.
Nice work
~medicnate~
Comment Written 05-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2009
-
You certainly cannot say that time in my life was 'boring'. I've had a couple of people show intest in this. It really could be a book on its own.
Comment from Seraphim Delphinium
Congratulations on such effective work! Throughout this chapter, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it sounds like it was all nicely summed up, having said that I should know better. lol Gotta keep reading! Great writing, Smurphy! Seraph
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2009
|
Congratulations on such effective work! Throughout this chapter, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it sounds like it was all nicely summed up, having said that I should know better. lol Gotta keep reading! Great writing, Smurphy! Seraph
Comment Written 26-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2009
-
Thanks for the great review. It was a very long two years!
Comment from penelope
Hello Smurphgirl.
You've tidied up this entire affair in one chapter. I was wondering about your feelings of personal guilt about snitching on your employers, especially as you'd worked for them before, and they were kind to you.
As usual, you've written it well. What a nasty shock to find you had cancer again. So glad it cleared up. A double mastectomy would have been too much.
I think the mystery writer was right. You're certainly the best person to write this book. Did you ever hear from Mary and Al again?
The fact that none had ever paid income tax (I'm not sure about that 'none' -it doesn't sound right. How about 'they'?)
As soon as the phones were transferred to me, [I] from a list provided by the police, I began sending the girls on calls.
Penelope
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2009
|
Hello Smurphgirl.
You've tidied up this entire affair in one chapter. I was wondering about your feelings of personal guilt about snitching on your employers, especially as you'd worked for them before, and they were kind to you.
As usual, you've written it well. What a nasty shock to find you had cancer again. So glad it cleared up. A double mastectomy would have been too much.
I think the mystery writer was right. You're certainly the best person to write this book. Did you ever hear from Mary and Al again?
The fact that none had ever paid income tax (I'm not sure about that 'none' -it doesn't sound right. How about 'they'?)
As soon as the phones were transferred to me, [I] from a list provided by the police, I began sending the girls on calls.
Penelope
Comment Written 26-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2009
-
Thank you for your kind and helpful review. In answer to your qustions, I never felt any guilt or remorse over working for the police. The people who ran the escort services were bad people and were never nice to me. They didn't care if they put the girls in harms way and used drugs, threats and intimidaton to keep them undercontrol. Both Al and Mary were ordered by the court to stay away from me or face arrest for contempt of court. I remained friends with several of the girls who held no anamosity or bad feeings toward me. Actually I did have a double mastectomy when the cancer came back the second time.
-
Okay, well I had to ask because it was on my mind and I've been following your chapters. From the chapters I've read, their abusive behaviour didn't particularly stand out. Still, that side of life is completely alien to me, apart from t.v. of course. I'm so sorry about your double mastectomy and am amazed at your strength and experiences. Penelope
-
No problem. It is a valid question that I have been asked many times. It is not possible for someone unfamiliar with that type of environment to know the dark side. I hope you didn't think I was offended, because I wasn't. Always good to ask questions.
Comment from jojosug
Wow, what life! If I ever get to the States or you visit the UK, we'll have to meet up! Your story is amazing, but just as importantly you are a gifted writer. I'm sure this will sell,s make sure you get the best deal possible.
Jo
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2009
|
Wow, what life! If I ever get to the States or you visit the UK, we'll have to meet up! Your story is amazing, but just as importantly you are a gifted writer. I'm sure this will sell,s make sure you get the best deal possible.
Jo
Comment Written 26-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2009
-
Thank you for your kind and encouraging review. I am plased you liked this chapter. Difficult to write but I felt it was an important subject.
Comment from jodeecee
Very good chapter, just found a couple small things-
Out of the blue, one day Mike called to say the end was near. /maybe-/
One day, out of the blue Mike /?/
The following week, I spent three days testifying in the grand jury. All charges brought against Jack, Sue, Al and Mary received a go from the grand jury/./
As soon as the phones were transferred to me, I began calling the escorts. From a list provided by the police, I began sending the girls on calls. /maybe-/
As soon as the phones were transferred to me, from a list provided by the police, I began sending the girls on calls.
"I've been calling all night but I cannot get a hold of /m/om.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2009
 |
Very good chapter, just found a couple small things-
Out of the blue, one day Mike called to say the end was near. /maybe-/
One day, out of the blue Mike /?/
The following week, I spent three days testifying in the grand jury. All charges brought against Jack, Sue, Al and Mary received a go from the grand jury/./
As soon as the phones were transferred to me, I began calling the escorts. From a list provided by the police, I began sending the girls on calls. /maybe-/
As soon as the phones were transferred to me, from a list provided by the police, I began sending the girls on calls.
"I've been calling all night but I cannot get a hold of /m/om.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2009
-
Thank you for your very high rating And for your excellent assistance. I have a question sine it was Mary's a daughter that called asking about he mother would mom still need to be capatlized? I wasn't sure so I left it in smal prntl Again, I sinceely appreciate your high review and continued interest in my book.
-
I'm a little slow today. Thank you much for your six star rating. They are precous an I a honored you gave me one. Agian, than you for your invalubl help an contnue interst.
-
I think if Mom is used instead of the name, then it is capitalized. (I'm not totally positive, but I do recall if in place of name.) and 'You're welcome!'
Comment from SuzyJay
Hi Smurphgirl,
this ;is a goodd story and quite well written. I think if you eliminat ethe word "however" in most instances, it would strengthen the sentences it relates to. As an example:
subside. However, the metallic taste in my mouth seemed to go on forever and I complained to Dr.
Suggesion: The metallic taste in my mouth seemed to go on forever. (Makes the sentence stronger and more meaningful to the reader).
You could then incorporate the compaint to the Doctor in the next sentence.
Just one suggestion for what it's worth, but again, the word "however", I feel, weakens your otherwise great writing.
Hope this is of some help.
I have still given you a 5-star rating, because I think your work deserves it, but would like to see that bit of revision.
Well done and keep up the good work.
SuzyJay
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
|
Hi Smurphgirl,
this ;is a goodd story and quite well written. I think if you eliminat ethe word "however" in most instances, it would strengthen the sentences it relates to. As an example:
subside. However, the metallic taste in my mouth seemed to go on forever and I complained to Dr.
Suggesion: The metallic taste in my mouth seemed to go on forever. (Makes the sentence stronger and more meaningful to the reader).
You could then incorporate the compaint to the Doctor in the next sentence.
Just one suggestion for what it's worth, but again, the word "however", I feel, weakens your otherwise great writing.
Hope this is of some help.
I have still given you a 5-star rating, because I think your work deserves it, but would like to see that bit of revision.
Well done and keep up the good work.
SuzyJay
Comment Written 25-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
-
Thanks for the suggestion. I will go back over the chapter and see what I can do. I sincerely appreciate all the help I can get. Also, thank you for the high rating.
Comment from Cranial Thinker
Well what a rush that all must have been,watching everything coming together like clock work.It must have been hard on you to let that go,the feeling of knowing you where doing something that pleased so many,a moment of belonging if you will,and being needed as well.Thank you so much for sharing this with us all,as its a true master piece.Again extremely well written.You are helping me more then you will ever know.Cranial Thinker
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
|
Well what a rush that all must have been,watching everything coming together like clock work.It must have been hard on you to let that go,the feeling of knowing you where doing something that pleased so many,a moment of belonging if you will,and being needed as well.Thank you so much for sharing this with us all,as its a true master piece.Again extremely well written.You are helping me more then you will ever know.Cranial Thinker
Comment Written 25-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
-
You are the only one to comment on how had it was to let go of the feeling of being needed! This is important becuase it posed problems for me later. I am impressed you picked up on that. Thanks for the great review.
-
LOL some parts that I read are just like they came straight out of my long life of continued hardships dealing with my disorders and trying to feel needed for something,as being a loner not by choice but by default.I am trying to say,I've been there,now everything has stopped,no one wants me around anymore,so I write,and write.Teaching myself to love me for whatever that's worth.I think you will understand that statement perfectly,something I feel you have won now.Cranial Thinker
-
I know exactly what you are saying. It took me a long time to realize that interacting with society is not in my best interest. I can put on a good front but the truth is I prefer my own company. I don't have a lot of patience with people who look down or judge the mentally ill ... actually it makes me quite angry. My disability doesn't allow me to see the grey areas...to me everything is either black or white, right or wrong, good or bad. That's the way I've always been and it makes me a bit opinionated but I really don't care. I have tremendous amount of sympathy and empathy for people who are unfairly treated and have gotten myself into trouble on more than one occasion speaking my mind. I'm glad you understand this about me ... It means a lot.
-
You are so very welcomed Smurphgirl.
Comment from DecrepitOldBag
This is simply riveting stuff Valerie. You've written incredibly well. I only noticed one typo:
"....memory of her every doing." (ever)
As for the content - you must be a woman made of stuff stronger than steel. To have endured all you did in your youth and then to have gone through all of this whilst enduring chemotherapy at the same time. You are a wonder. I am in awe of you, truly I am.
Warmest wishes
Kat
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
|
This is simply riveting stuff Valerie. You've written incredibly well. I only noticed one typo:
"....memory of her every doing." (ever)
As for the content - you must be a woman made of stuff stronger than steel. To have endured all you did in your youth and then to have gone through all of this whilst enduring chemotherapy at the same time. You are a wonder. I am in awe of you, truly I am.
Warmest wishes
Kat
Comment Written 25-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
-
Having an obsessive personality can have it ups and downs ... in this instance it was a plus. Thanks for the kind review and high rating.
Comment from adewpearl
all hell has broken lose should be loose
What interesting developments on the homefront with the cancer ups and downs and with the sting operation finally coming to a dramatic close - as usual, great detail and excellent dialogue. Brooke
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
|
all hell has broken lose should be loose
What interesting developments on the homefront with the cancer ups and downs and with the sting operation finally coming to a dramatic close - as usual, great detail and excellent dialogue. Brooke
Comment Written 25-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
-
Thanks, I was afraid it was too techinical. I appeciate your help ... I'm hopeless with lose and loose!
Comment from laurelp
Very good chapter. I found no errors. I did see a couple of errors in the Author's Notes, but I won't count them. (indercover s/b undercover; hidsight s/b hindsight; seveal s/b several).
I really enjoyed this chapter. It is nice to see the bad guys loose. And, I am glad you got your friends to not show up for "work" that night. Just shows what a truly good heart you have. Nicely done chapter.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
|
Very good chapter. I found no errors. I did see a couple of errors in the Author's Notes, but I won't count them. (indercover s/b undercover; hidsight s/b hindsight; seveal s/b several).
I really enjoyed this chapter. It is nice to see the bad guys loose. And, I am glad you got your friends to not show up for "work" that night. Just shows what a truly good heart you have. Nicely done chapter.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
-
Thanks. I appreciae your kind review and will take a look at the notes to see what I can do.