A Leaf on the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 62 "God Help Us, It's The Feds!"Autobiography of abuse
16 total reviews
Comment from medicnate
This was a fun chapter. I thought the Feds taking them to the wrong hotel was hillarious, he sounds like an idiot. Great work once again. I trudge on, hehe.
~medicnate~
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2009
  |
This was a fun chapter. I thought the Feds taking them to the wrong hotel was hillarious, he sounds like an idiot. Great work once again. I trudge on, hehe.
~medicnate~
Comment Written 18-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2009
-
Yes, idiot, incompetent, and jus plain stupid are all words that accurately describe this person.
Comment from Seraphim Delphinium
This is an extremely fast read because of the tension and the action. Suspense is perfectly built in this chapter. Really addictive writing, Smurph. Great work! Seraph
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2009
|
This is an extremely fast read because of the tension and the action. Suspense is perfectly built in this chapter. Really addictive writing, Smurph. Great work! Seraph
Comment Written 26-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2009
-
Thank you very much. I am pleased you liked it.
Comment from laurelp
bu,t as a U.S. Marshall - has the comman missed its place?
I acutally found an error. Now, down to the story. As for the Feds, I understand your point of few. My mother was a court clerk. Neither she or the other locals has nice things to say about them. I think they can become too full of themselves. This chapter was full of exciting. Very well written. I really enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
|
bu,t as a U.S. Marshall - has the comman missed its place?
I acutally found an error. Now, down to the story. As for the Feds, I understand your point of few. My mother was a court clerk. Neither she or the other locals has nice things to say about them. I think they can become too full of themselves. This chapter was full of exciting. Very well written. I really enjoyed it.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
-
Thaks for the help. Yes, the Feds were a pain in the you know what ...the local police were incredible and also very kind.
Comment from adewpearl
holding it like a vice should be vise
choose who I worked with should be whom
Unlike Sue, who was secretive add the comma
Wow, your undercover work sounds awfully dangerous when complicated by incompetent agents who exposed you to danger with their errors, as if it weren't inherently dangerous enough Brooke
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
|
holding it like a vice should be vise
choose who I worked with should be whom
Unlike Sue, who was secretive add the comma
Wow, your undercover work sounds awfully dangerous when complicated by incompetent agents who exposed you to danger with their errors, as if it weren't inherently dangerous enough Brooke
Comment Written 25-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
-
Thank you for your kind review. Yes it was occasionally dangerous, but something I needed to do.
Comment from chaswriter
Smurphgirl - This is a very interesting chapter. Surveillance is only is good as the people doing it. Well told story. Thanks for sharing.
Some suggestions:
He clearly liked to hear himself talk and made a point of telling me in great detail( )how important he was. - no comma needed
They had more resources, a larger budget, and(,) most important of all, they had all the fun little gadgets an undercover operative gets to use.
As a Vice Detective, he only had authority within Seattle city limits, but(,) as a U.S. Marshall, he could arrest anyone anywhere and he could work with other agencies without going through the usual bureaucratic red tape.
My heart skipped a beat(,) but(,) without hesitating, I casually tucked the microphone back down where it belonged and said,
It's a pain in the ass(,) and I can't even take it off at night when I go to bed."
I did( ) and laughed uproariously along with Mike.
"You are not going to believe this, but Dale( ... )Dumbo( ... )took us to the wrong hotel. - an ellipsis has a space on each side of the 3 dots.
A few days later(,) I arrived at our designated meeting place - my general rule of thumb is that if an introductory phrase has 4 or more words then use a comma.
All you have to do is turn it on(,) and it will record everything for up to three hours." - when combining two independent sentences, you need both a comma and a conjunction
I looked at the read-out(,) but it was just a jumble of meaningless numbers.
With Sue sitting only inches from me(,) I couldn't call Mike to ask why the pager had gone off.
Hope that helps. Charlie
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
|
Smurphgirl - This is a very interesting chapter. Surveillance is only is good as the people doing it. Well told story. Thanks for sharing.
Some suggestions:
He clearly liked to hear himself talk and made a point of telling me in great detail( )how important he was. - no comma needed
They had more resources, a larger budget, and(,) most important of all, they had all the fun little gadgets an undercover operative gets to use.
As a Vice Detective, he only had authority within Seattle city limits, but(,) as a U.S. Marshall, he could arrest anyone anywhere and he could work with other agencies without going through the usual bureaucratic red tape.
My heart skipped a beat(,) but(,) without hesitating, I casually tucked the microphone back down where it belonged and said,
It's a pain in the ass(,) and I can't even take it off at night when I go to bed."
I did( ) and laughed uproariously along with Mike.
"You are not going to believe this, but Dale( ... )Dumbo( ... )took us to the wrong hotel. - an ellipsis has a space on each side of the 3 dots.
A few days later(,) I arrived at our designated meeting place - my general rule of thumb is that if an introductory phrase has 4 or more words then use a comma.
All you have to do is turn it on(,) and it will record everything for up to three hours." - when combining two independent sentences, you need both a comma and a conjunction
I looked at the read-out(,) but it was just a jumble of meaningless numbers.
With Sue sitting only inches from me(,) I couldn't call Mike to ask why the pager had gone off.
Hope that helps. Charlie
Comment Written 25-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
-
Thak you for your kind review and generous assistance. I sincerely appreciate it.
Comment from penelope
I can't believe the danger you put yourself in, and why? After all, no matter what - these were your employers and placed their trust in you. I can imagine it was exciting though,and this chapter was almost humorous. Hard to imagine they could mess up so badly. Lucky for you, you were quick off the mark. Penelope
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
|
I can't believe the danger you put yourself in, and why? After all, no matter what - these were your employers and placed their trust in you. I can imagine it was exciting though,and this chapter was almost humorous. Hard to imagine they could mess up so badly. Lucky for you, you were quick off the mark. Penelope
Comment Written 25-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
-
Thank you for your kind review. I sincerely appreciate it. I felt I owed it to the girls who were treated so badly...and I trusted Mike and felt I owed him.
Comment from K-Patrick
This must be a good story, because I was so caught up in it I didn't look for SPAG or errors or anything - I just read and pictured the scenes.
Nicely done. Auto-biographical? Pretty impressive.
Well written and after looking it over again, I still found nothing but a good story. :o)
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2009
|
This must be a good story, because I was so caught up in it I didn't look for SPAG or errors or anything - I just read and pictured the scenes.
Nicely done. Auto-biographical? Pretty impressive.
Well written and after looking it over again, I still found nothing but a good story. :o)
Comment Written 24-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2009
-
Thank you for your very kind review. Many of my chapters are actually individual stories and can stand alone. I sincerely appreciate your review.
Comment from DecrepitOldBag
Oh my gods! The risks you took! And that damned fool man put you at further risk. What an idiot. You were so lucky not to get busted.
Nicely written, great descriptions - especially of Dale.
I found just a couple of small typos:
"....was enough to created a......." (create)
"....the pay phone range once....." (rang)
Hope that helps. Great writing, Valerie.
Warmest wishes
Kat
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2009
|
Oh my gods! The risks you took! And that damned fool man put you at further risk. What an idiot. You were so lucky not to get busted.
Nicely written, great descriptions - especially of Dale.
I found just a couple of small typos:
"....was enough to created a......." (create)
"....the pay phone range once....." (rang)
Hope that helps. Great writing, Valerie.
Warmest wishes
Kat
Comment Written 24-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2009
-
Thak you for your kind revew and as always you excellent eye. I sincerely appreciate your help.
Comment from jojosug
What a Pratt, that guy was! This chapter so clearly conveyed the anxiety you must have felt when the bloody pager kept going off! Again, a well written and beautifully put together piece of writing.
Jo
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2009
|
What a Pratt, that guy was! This chapter so clearly conveyed the anxiety you must have felt when the bloody pager kept going off! Again, a well written and beautifully put together piece of writing.
Jo
Comment Written 24-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2009
-
Anxiety is an understatement....I could go on for chapters on the ineptitude of this guy. Thanks for the kind review and high rating.
Comment from jodeecee
This is an 'EXCELLENT' chapter.. and I only found one mistake.
Dale grabbed my hand and holding it like a vice, shook it for several seconds, literally cutting of/off/ the circulation. Grinning from ear to ear, Dale giggled and told me I was amazing.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2009
|
This is an 'EXCELLENT' chapter.. and I only found one mistake.
Dale grabbed my hand and holding it like a vice, shook it for several seconds, literally cutting of/off/ the circulation. Grinning from ear to ear, Dale giggled and told me I was amazing.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2009
-
Thanks. At the time I didn't see the humor, but now when I look back I find myself laughing out loud. I appreciate your continued interest and high rating.