A Leaf on the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 38 "Irrational Fears"Autobiography of abuse
14 total reviews
Comment from phaedra
Ah, the "I"ll do it next week end" Typical. Men are from
Mars. It is amazing that things things do work out but not in the way we would like them to.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
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Ah, the "I"ll do it next week end" Typical. Men are from
Mars. It is amazing that things things do work out but not in the way we would like them to.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
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Later I ended up doing most of it myself.
Comment from medicnate
I applaud you for not dragging your children into the story. I kept thinking, oh, no. What's going to happen to her kids..here it come.. I'm glad for that assumption to be incorrect, hehe. Great chapter. Perfect example of a louse of a husband. I think I may be guilty of some of those things myself. Nice to see it on paper, maybe I can change a little because of it.
~medicnate~
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2009
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I applaud you for not dragging your children into the story. I kept thinking, oh, no. What's going to happen to her kids..here it come.. I'm glad for that assumption to be incorrect, hehe. Great chapter. Perfect example of a louse of a husband. I think I may be guilty of some of those things myself. Nice to see it on paper, maybe I can change a little because of it.
~medicnate~
Comment Written 10-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2009
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Yes, Richard had his share of negative points. But he wasn't abusive, and despite living in his own world, he did the best he could. Sadly he had his problems too
Comment from Stacey Lynne Wells
I feel a divorce coming. I think you should have been honest with him though. I hope that you guys got it resolved and you don't fight as much now. But whatever happens happens. I can't wait to find out what happens next. Take care.
April
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
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I feel a divorce coming. I think you should have been honest with him though. I hope that you guys got it resolved and you don't fight as much now. But whatever happens happens. I can't wait to find out what happens next. Take care.
April
Comment Written 25-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
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Again, thank you for your kind review and continued interest.
Comment from Lois Delaney
Richard always accepted my excuses, and like every other school comma is in wrong place
This is all so sad. Did you ever worry that Richard would sexually abuse your daughters?
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2009
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Richard always accepted my excuses, and like every other school comma is in wrong place
This is all so sad. Did you ever worry that Richard would sexually abuse your daughters?
Comment Written 08-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2009
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No, he was actually a very kind and gentle man. He never know about my father but after only meeting him once, told me he never wanted him aruond. He said there was something about my father that concernd him. Richard and I were just two different people. Nether of us were open about ourselves and didnt commuicate. I had my secrets and he just didn't talk much.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
It is hard to look inside a marriage for answers, but I must admit that I had some of the same lapses. At times I was almost as bad as Richard about fixing even simple things, I know I must have nearly driven Marilyn crazy with irrational excuses. Much of my failure was a rebellion against authority. This was a rebellion against my stepfather. The more pressure Marilyn applied to me, the more I resisted. Now I truly wonder how she stayed loyal during the early years of our marriage.
I never had the nightmares, but I failed to follow through on hundreds of opportunities. I know now that this came from an irrational fear of failure. Perhaps a subconscious fear that my stepfather had been right when he ridiculed even my high academic achievements. I turned each opportunity into another reason to procrastinate, a fear that I would fail if I followed through or prove my stepfather right when he greeted each good grade wiih one of his favorite put downs, "You'll never be anything, but an educated fool."
I also had lapses of memory. I just filled in the gaps with silly lies. During my college years nobody ever saw the real me through the powerful facade of protective lies.
So you see we are as close as two peas in a pod in the shambles of our early life caused by the devastation of abuse. I am telling you all of this to show how similar sexual and psychological abuse are in their end result.
You might find it helpful to read some of the writings of Joan Marie. In ways she was more damaged by abuse than we were. Her story is very interesting.
Once again I thank you for your courage for revealing the darkest corners of your subconscious mind.
Roger
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2009
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It is hard to look inside a marriage for answers, but I must admit that I had some of the same lapses. At times I was almost as bad as Richard about fixing even simple things, I know I must have nearly driven Marilyn crazy with irrational excuses. Much of my failure was a rebellion against authority. This was a rebellion against my stepfather. The more pressure Marilyn applied to me, the more I resisted. Now I truly wonder how she stayed loyal during the early years of our marriage.
I never had the nightmares, but I failed to follow through on hundreds of opportunities. I know now that this came from an irrational fear of failure. Perhaps a subconscious fear that my stepfather had been right when he ridiculed even my high academic achievements. I turned each opportunity into another reason to procrastinate, a fear that I would fail if I followed through or prove my stepfather right when he greeted each good grade wiih one of his favorite put downs, "You'll never be anything, but an educated fool."
I also had lapses of memory. I just filled in the gaps with silly lies. During my college years nobody ever saw the real me through the powerful facade of protective lies.
So you see we are as close as two peas in a pod in the shambles of our early life caused by the devastation of abuse. I am telling you all of this to show how similar sexual and psychological abuse are in their end result.
You might find it helpful to read some of the writings of Joan Marie. In ways she was more damaged by abuse than we were. Her story is very interesting.
Once again I thank you for your courage for revealing the darkest corners of your subconscious mind.
Roger
Comment Written 07-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2009
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Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate your sharing this with me. I have always believed sexual, physical, and verbal abuse are equal in the damage they cause. To spend your childhood under these circumstances can have a lifelong negative effect on who you will become. I was fotunate that while the abuse took away many choices I may have had and caused me to make choices I otherwise may not have made, I did survive and was allowed to heal. Not so many were as fortunate. It is for this reason that I chose to write my book. Too many time I was told just let it go, or it's in the past forget about it. I hope that by reading my book I can finally put those foolish questions and statements to rest. I sincerely appreciate your comments and weldome more. Thank you for understading and fo sharing this with me.
Valerie
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Hi Valerie:)
You have helped me come clean in many ways by providing a sympathetic ear. I will keep reading as long as you post, I will also put my comments together in my prsonal venture. I have yet to determine, if I should fictionalize my experiences.
Roger
Comment from jojosug
I understand the irrational fears, they are so debilitating as they make little sense. Once again you have written another strong, powerful chapter.
Jo
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2009
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I understand the irrational fears, they are so debilitating as they make little sense. Once again you have written another strong, powerful chapter.
Jo
Comment Written 06-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2009
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Thank you for your kind review. On a lighter note, I must admit, while this has been difficult to write, there are certain memories I recall with a sense of humor. Going nuts is one of them. I can say this, because I survived.
Comment from DecrepitOldBag
Valerie, this is well written. I haven't found any typos or SpaG to moan about today. As for the content - well....I can only sympathise deeply with you. Your account just shows how one can move from one dysfunctional situation straight into another if there is no halt called, and no healing. I'm so very glad you survived.
All the best.
Kat
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2009
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Valerie, this is well written. I haven't found any typos or SpaG to moan about today. As for the content - well....I can only sympathise deeply with you. Your account just shows how one can move from one dysfunctional situation straight into another if there is no halt called, and no healing. I'm so very glad you survived.
All the best.
Kat
Comment Written 06-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2009
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Me too. Thanks for the kind words and high rating.
Comment from jodeecee
I find myself always analyzing energy. Unexplainable actions, emotions and sightings. I came into a way of thinking, some time ago. like a door opened in my awareness. during this place in my life, I became aware of ways of being, and developed a unique ability to simplify, and powerfully manipulate reality; energy. I find the results of your experience fascinating. and your achievements, to have created such a life, and to have an amused soul in spite, are astounding. Congratulations my friend, on a life well done. I am sure because of your ability to be amused, you have forgiven yourself. (I've written to you several of my 'moments', don't know why, as if I expected to let you in on what I believe you realize, however, the experience of reading your book, has been for me. and I continue to relish them, thank you)
checks finally cleared the bank,/space/ /A/all I could do was hope that it would not happen again.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2009
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I find myself always analyzing energy. Unexplainable actions, emotions and sightings. I came into a way of thinking, some time ago. like a door opened in my awareness. during this place in my life, I became aware of ways of being, and developed a unique ability to simplify, and powerfully manipulate reality; energy. I find the results of your experience fascinating. and your achievements, to have created such a life, and to have an amused soul in spite, are astounding. Congratulations my friend, on a life well done. I am sure because of your ability to be amused, you have forgiven yourself. (I've written to you several of my 'moments', don't know why, as if I expected to let you in on what I believe you realize, however, the experience of reading your book, has been for me. and I continue to relish them, thank you)
checks finally cleared the bank,/space/ /A/all I could do was hope that it would not happen again.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2009
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Once again, thank you for your kind review. Ahh! My sense of humor...very astute. Yes, I do have a sense of humor, absolutely necessary when living in an insane family. Much like laughing in a movie at something tragic, no know it is not really funny, but you still have to laugh.
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
Hi Smurphgirl,
A husband such as you describe would be enough to drive anyone crazy even if they did not already have underlying problems such as you have outlined.
We all have our own way of running away from situations we are unable to deal with.
I am no psychiatrist but it seems to me that you were not able to cope with all the problems that you had, and so sought refuge in 'memory loss' and nightmares etc.
You describe each scenario very well, so to me you are a gifted writer, with a huge well of experiences to draw from.
Whilst I cannot entirely relate to your experiences, I feel tremendous empathy with you and all that you have been through.
Having read you bio, I am delighted that you have overcome, everything that you encountered, and I wish you well in your future writing.
Kindest regards,
Juliette Chamberlain
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2009
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Hi Smurphgirl,
A husband such as you describe would be enough to drive anyone crazy even if they did not already have underlying problems such as you have outlined.
We all have our own way of running away from situations we are unable to deal with.
I am no psychiatrist but it seems to me that you were not able to cope with all the problems that you had, and so sought refuge in 'memory loss' and nightmares etc.
You describe each scenario very well, so to me you are a gifted writer, with a huge well of experiences to draw from.
Whilst I cannot entirely relate to your experiences, I feel tremendous empathy with you and all that you have been through.
Having read you bio, I am delighted that you have overcome, everything that you encountered, and I wish you well in your future writing.
Kindest regards,
Juliette Chamberlain
Comment Written 06-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2009
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Thank you so very much for your kind review. I sincerely appreciate your comments.
Comment from Badjuju
I have come in late on this, but it immediately caught my attention. I intend to start right away catching up. An excellent story, which I can certainly relate to in some areas.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2009
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I have come in late on this, but it immediately caught my attention. I intend to start right away catching up. An excellent story, which I can certainly relate to in some areas.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2009
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Thak you for your kind review and interest in reading mybook.