CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 111 "The Great Experiment"A collection of poetry
22 total reviews
Comment from Oatmeal
Sixteezkid,
Both great-great grandfathers of my daughter were founding fathers of America! In fact, they fought on opposite sides of the Civil War. My daughter is the proof that the war is over and NEVER again shall we fight brother against brother!
The theme here was wonderful. Well chosen words are expressive. Well chosen words and colorful arrangement, good dialect and very well decorated thoughts.
I saw no SPAG and no typos. Everything looked in place.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
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Sixteezkid,
Both great-great grandfathers of my daughter were founding fathers of America! In fact, they fought on opposite sides of the Civil War. My daughter is the proof that the war is over and NEVER again shall we fight brother against brother!
The theme here was wonderful. Well chosen words are expressive. Well chosen words and colorful arrangement, good dialect and very well decorated thoughts.
I saw no SPAG and no typos. Everything looked in place.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 08-Jan-2009
Comment from mmichelle97219
I don't think they realize what a storm would come in later years from those now famous words. I thought this was was perfect. Nice job.
Michelle
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
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I don't think they realize what a storm would come in later years from those now famous words. I thought this was was perfect. Nice job.
Michelle
Comment Written 08-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
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Michelle, thank you so much for your very kind review. It wasn't all perfect then, nor is it now....but I sure as hell love what we have to work with! :-)) Sue
Comment from AlvinTEthington
A poem with a good message--the American Revolution is probably the only time in history that people were willing to die for an experiment, for the representative form of a democracy in a republic had never been tried before. Your meter is off in the fifth line--"rebellious" is only three syllables. Also your rhyme scheme is aaba bbcb dded eeee--
"dear" is a non-rhyming word that stands alone. I do like the ending but at that time it referred solely to straight white males. The only real error is the mistake in meter in the fifth line and some allowance can be made for that, so I am still giving this poem five stars because of its insight and power.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
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A poem with a good message--the American Revolution is probably the only time in history that people were willing to die for an experiment, for the representative form of a democracy in a republic had never been tried before. Your meter is off in the fifth line--"rebellious" is only three syllables. Also your rhyme scheme is aaba bbcb dded eeee--
"dear" is a non-rhyming word that stands alone. I do like the ending but at that time it referred solely to straight white males. The only real error is the mistake in meter in the fifth line and some allowance can be made for that, so I am still giving this poem five stars because of its insight and power.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
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The rhyme scheme is a MAJOR error! And I thank you for bringing this to my attention. And here I thought I was being so meticulous! I will let you know when all is mended, as these reviews will not have been earned. **embarrassed* :-)) Sue
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Don't be embarrassed. Josipher32 just caught a major syllabic count mistake in my poem "Carnival Season, 2009," so we all make mistakes--that is the way we learn.
(Oh yes, I immediately rectified the mistake.)
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Yes, we learn like that! But, an entire rhyming scheme!! HA!
I'm still working on it. Isn't it funny how difficult it can be to re-work something that you've put so much into!!
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Welcome to the wonderful world of creative writing! Long nights, cold coffee, rejection from publishers, fears that one isn't good enough...what a life! But I am glad to be living it.
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Okay, I've fixed the rhyme scheme. Let me know what you think. Sound too forced? No fix yet on "rebellious". I was pronouncing it with 4 syllables. But, you're right; it is 3. DANG! Maybe I'll find the answer at about 4:00 a.m. - Ha! Again, thanks for your help and encouragement....Sue
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Yes, now the rhyme scheme in the poem fits the rhyme scheme in your author's notes. Now about that pesky seven syllable line...
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Oh, no, the current rhyme scheme doesn't sound too forced.
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A toast to you... (clink)!
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for reminding us what a success the "Great Experiment" has been and how brilliant and brave our founding fathers were. I also thought the repeat of the last line was very effective in making your point, and I enjoyed your strong rhyme scheme and rhythm.
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Thank you for reminding us what a success the "Great Experiment" has been and how brilliant and brave our founding fathers were. I also thought the repeat of the last line was very effective in making your point, and I enjoyed your strong rhyme scheme and rhythm.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2009
Comment from skye
I have the highest regard for the founding fathers, for their sacrifices and vision.
The words in your poem reflect that same regard, tell the story again of their diligence and creativity in making our country strong.
Well done.
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I have the highest regard for the founding fathers, for their sacrifices and vision.
The words in your poem reflect that same regard, tell the story again of their diligence and creativity in making our country strong.
Well done.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2009
Comment from Poetic Friend
I like the tone and history that lies in this poem. Defintely, an educational poem.
The repetition of the lines in the last stanza works SO well to convey your message.
I am so impressed with this one.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2009
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I like the tone and history that lies in this poem. Defintely, an educational poem.
The repetition of the lines in the last stanza works SO well to convey your message.
I am so impressed with this one.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2009
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Dear Poetic Friend, thank you very much for reading and reviewing this work. Am very glad you like it! And thank you for saying the last two stanzas worked very well! Much appreciated...Sue
Comment from dportwood
Frost is one of my favorites as well and the poem you cited, to me, is one of his best. Your poem has a great subject. The rhyme and meter are well done. Good job.
Duane
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Frost is one of my favorites as well and the poem you cited, to me, is one of his best. Your poem has a great subject. The rhyme and meter are well done. Good job.
Duane
Comment Written 07-Jan-2009
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Sixteezkid, it is obvious you have a great deal of pride in our country -- and rightly so. I wonder what it would take for a group of people to do something similar now? great job
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2009
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Sixteezkid, it is obvious you have a great deal of pride in our country -- and rightly so. I wonder what it would take for a group of people to do something similar now? great job
Comment Written 06-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2009
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Flaws and all, I love this country. I have lived overseas and I have travelled the world. Great places everywhere, but most do not know what we have here. And, I fear, to our detriment. None of it is taught with pride any longer. In fact, it's pretty much a "no-no" to say how much you love America these days. Not me! I'm not blinded to the things we need to work on, but I sure don't kick a gift horse in the mouth, either. JFK's inaugural speech of "ask not" is my motto. Thanks very much for your very kind review and comments! :-)) Sue
Comment from joan marie
The most historic election since our countries beginning and I couldn't vote because someone left drugs in my car and didn't get caught I did. My rights will be restored because of a plea bargain but I was so disappointed. I had an East Indian internet tech ask me how it felt to have a black president. My answer: I have an American President. Great write. joan marie
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The most historic election since our countries beginning and I couldn't vote because someone left drugs in my car and didn't get caught I did. My rights will be restored because of a plea bargain but I was so disappointed. I had an East Indian internet tech ask me how it felt to have a black president. My answer: I have an American President. Great write. joan marie
Comment Written 06-Jan-2009
Comment from Hitcher
I spent a weekend in Philly back in the mid nineties and visited the old government buildings where the founding fathers plotted against my forefathers. I found it fascinating, also went and saw the liberty Bell, of course!
Very nice flow Sue and a very enjoyable read. Thank God you kicked our butts is all I can say!
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2009
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I spent a weekend in Philly back in the mid nineties and visited the old government buildings where the founding fathers plotted against my forefathers. I found it fascinating, also went and saw the liberty Bell, of course!
Very nice flow Sue and a very enjoyable read. Thank God you kicked our butts is all I can say!
Comment Written 06-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2009
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Hitch, it's the "rebel" in you that makes you love the story!! HA! Very cool you went to Philly! Can you believe I have travelled the world and have not been there yet! (head hanging down in shame). Especially since I love American History. One day! Thanks for your review, friend! Sue