The Ripple Effect
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Reflections"A couple's tour about England takes many turns....
3 total reviews
Comment from Kym Jade
An intriguing and interesting chapter. I could feel a mystical feel to your well spun words. We look forward to reading more as we remember the start so well.
Love and hugs
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2008
  |
An intriguing and interesting chapter. I could feel a mystical feel to your well spun words. We look forward to reading more as we remember the start so well.
Love and hugs
Comment Written 06-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2008
-
Thank you u'2 I needed a break from the other thing and just dug this up.....bill
Comment from marieclair
This piece is categorized as 'general poetry', when it reads as chapter 8 and prose??? Not sure what your intention is? The mood suggests a gentle charm. Will suggest an example of general editing, for purposes of creative reviewing:
Enjoy your day
marieclair
Deals to be found then made await them, along with hordes of foreigners with the spending might of wealthy land barons. Power shoppers, mostly women, graze, their credit cards flourished, crisscrossing paths, colliding, the same items waving wildly in their hands.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2008
 |
This piece is categorized as 'general poetry', when it reads as chapter 8 and prose??? Not sure what your intention is? The mood suggests a gentle charm. Will suggest an example of general editing, for purposes of creative reviewing:
Enjoy your day
marieclair
Deals to be found then made await them, along with hordes of foreigners with the spending might of wealthy land barons. Power shoppers, mostly women, graze, their credit cards flourished, crisscrossing paths, colliding, the same items waving wildly in their hands.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2008
-
gee poetry... not today... i will change... thanks... I added your sentence and thanks for the read and review.. another chapter in an hour... Bill
Comment from Usiku
The like the underlying suspense and feeling that something else is going on or about to happen. I like many of the thoughts and phrases that capture ideas uniquely. I suggest editing out words, changing the order of some sentences, etc. to help the flow. In the first sentence the verb tense should be "rose." Change "they stay" to "as they lay." It seems like "sprawled" is not accurate since the guy woke up earlier and then they were in a spoon position. There are apostrophes missing in the second paragraph: "window's, room's and rooster's." Make the 4th sentence of the 3rd paragraph the 1st sentence. "The night breathing and asleep" is the last sentence of two paragraphs. One should be changed.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2008
|
The like the underlying suspense and feeling that something else is going on or about to happen. I like many of the thoughts and phrases that capture ideas uniquely. I suggest editing out words, changing the order of some sentences, etc. to help the flow. In the first sentence the verb tense should be "rose." Change "they stay" to "as they lay." It seems like "sprawled" is not accurate since the guy woke up earlier and then they were in a spoon position. There are apostrophes missing in the second paragraph: "window's, room's and rooster's." Make the 4th sentence of the 3rd paragraph the 1st sentence. "The night breathing and asleep" is the last sentence of two paragraphs. One should be changed.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2008
-
Thanks so much for the corrections.... I am kind of bad at some of that stuff... But still I plug along. It was nice to see your review and I really do like the corrections.. the last one about the 'night is asleep... I saw I had two of them there and removed one... not sure exactly where to place the other... Thanks ... Bill... ps.. next chapter in another hour...