The Face of Suffering
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "A Rising Spirit"Criminal neglect
7 total reviews
Comment from mtngalofnc
Hi L&P,
This is such a heartbreaking write. My heart goes out to you and your family. Assuming you are going to use your writing in your fight for Patti, I have taken note of things which need correcting.
Pam didn't spent(spend) the night at the hospital,
I suspect they were asked for different duty stations.(I believe you might need to leave out the word were)
My angle (angel) nurse told me she went home at night and cried.
I prayed the Lord's Prayer often also and sang to her.( Leave out also)
A special person damaged by desease (disease)
I do hope this will be of some help. Thank you for sharing and God bless and best wishes!
mtngalofnc
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2008
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Hi L&P,
This is such a heartbreaking write. My heart goes out to you and your family. Assuming you are going to use your writing in your fight for Patti, I have taken note of things which need correcting.
Pam didn't spent(spend) the night at the hospital,
I suspect they were asked for different duty stations.(I believe you might need to leave out the word were)
My angle (angel) nurse told me she went home at night and cried.
I prayed the Lord's Prayer often also and sang to her.( Leave out also)
A special person damaged by desease (disease)
I do hope this will be of some help. Thank you for sharing and God bless and best wishes!
mtngalofnc
Comment Written 26-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2008
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Thank you dear friend. I amswered this in your other review. Got them mixed up LOL> Blessings and much L&P2u
Comment from Nescher Pyscher
Again, you need to edit, but this isn't about pretty little red stars, is it?
Do I pick this apart for typos, or do I go with the spiritual value?
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2008
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Again, you need to edit, but this isn't about pretty little red stars, is it?
Do I pick this apart for typos, or do I go with the spiritual value?
Comment Written 24-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2008
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Aw N, any time you can spare would be so appreciated. This story will be turned over to an investigating agency along with pictures and notes if necessary. I fervantly pray justice can be done for my daughter for the way she was treated. I don't have a progran to put the pictures on here with as they are too large. Please any help you can give I will be indebeted for. God Bless N. L&P2u ps: I have tried to edit, sigh
Comment from Nicky B
It is interesting how fanstory has offered you a great opportunity to offload your feelings. We have also been offered a great opportunity in you sharing them with us. Thanks Ma. Nick.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2008
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It is interesting how fanstory has offered you a great opportunity to offload your feelings. We have also been offered a great opportunity in you sharing them with us. Thanks Ma. Nick.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2008
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Yes it is Nicky, but more important that I get it right to try to get justice for Patti and the suffering she went through. Blessings so and thank you for following this with me. L&P2u
Comment from nitad
Hi Barbara,
Another heartbreaking chapter that shows us how the end, when it came, came quickly for Patti. A blessing I'm sure.
Normally, I don't look for spag in these chapters because I know you are writing from the heart and as part of the greiving process, but I just feel that this is a moving story that as many people as possible should read. Some might pass on it, however, because of the spag.
Here are some of the things that need to be corrected. (if you wish)
"No, she said."
s/b "No," she said.
but it showed.(. delete extra period) She said, (")I'm sure if the guardian knew your wishes she would give them consideration.(")
"Again(,) we were told it
the tube." (she told me--delete, speech tag isn't necessary)
I (was-delete) dreaded being
"Patti is beginning to fail,(.-s/b period at the end)"
matter of minutes(.) (then.-delete)
The official (call of-delete) cause of death(,-delete) was (of-delete) a tumor in her brain hemorrhaged
world which (,-delete)she cared nothing about, but never gone in(from) our hearts
damaged by desease (disease)
God bless you ,sweetheart. I hope that the courts and Patti's guardian do the right thing by your family.
Take care,
Nita
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2008
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Hi Barbara,
Another heartbreaking chapter that shows us how the end, when it came, came quickly for Patti. A blessing I'm sure.
Normally, I don't look for spag in these chapters because I know you are writing from the heart and as part of the greiving process, but I just feel that this is a moving story that as many people as possible should read. Some might pass on it, however, because of the spag.
Here are some of the things that need to be corrected. (if you wish)
"No, she said."
s/b "No," she said.
but it showed.(. delete extra period) She said, (")I'm sure if the guardian knew your wishes she would give them consideration.(")
"Again(,) we were told it
the tube." (she told me--delete, speech tag isn't necessary)
I (was-delete) dreaded being
"Patti is beginning to fail,(.-s/b period at the end)"
matter of minutes(.) (then.-delete)
The official (call of-delete) cause of death(,-delete) was (of-delete) a tumor in her brain hemorrhaged
world which (,-delete)she cared nothing about, but never gone in(from) our hearts
damaged by desease (disease)
God bless you ,sweetheart. I hope that the courts and Patti's guardian do the right thing by your family.
Take care,
Nita
Comment Written 23-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2008
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Thank you so much Nita. I went through it again. I seem to keep finding errors. I don't know how I make so many LOL> I do try so hard and editing is very difficult for me. Should never miss the little nits though. Copying and pasting is the guilty one. LOL> Thank you again dear lady. Blessings. L&P2u
Comment from sofish
Your story is beautiful and sad. I am so sorry and so touched by it. You write beautifully and with a huge amount of feeling. I have a lot of respect for that because it is so much harder to let someone climb inside your coul this way than if you were to write something dry and unemotive. Thank you for sharing this.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2008
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Your story is beautiful and sad. I am so sorry and so touched by it. You write beautifully and with a huge amount of feeling. I have a lot of respect for that because it is so much harder to let someone climb inside your coul this way than if you were to write something dry and unemotive. Thank you for sharing this.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2008
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You really nailed this. It was very difficult to write, but needed to be done. Blessing to you sofish. L&P2u
Comment from clyde417
The content of the story alone is powerfull and heartbreaking. But the grammatical errors and word usage distracted from the story. Very good work, just needs some adjustments.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2008
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The content of the story alone is powerfull and heartbreaking. But the grammatical errors and word usage distracted from the story. Very good work, just needs some adjustments.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2008
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Thank you clyde. Blessings. L&P2u
Comment from Domino
Hi, Babs. I continue to be amazed and disgusted at Patti's treatment, and the fact you had to live through it. Why should a 'guardian' need to instruct a doctor; the doctor should be on the case and take action. I'm also confused about Patti's belongings. Don't they go to her next of kin automatically. That's what happens here if there's no will.
I hope, as I said before, that you successfully sue the arse off them. Luv, Ray xx
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2008
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Hi, Babs. I continue to be amazed and disgusted at Patti's treatment, and the fact you had to live through it. Why should a 'guardian' need to instruct a doctor; the doctor should be on the case and take action. I'm also confused about Patti's belongings. Don't they go to her next of kin automatically. That's what happens here if there's no will.
I hope, as I said before, that you successfully sue the arse off them. Luv, Ray xx
Comment Written 23-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2008
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I have been told I can't sue, bt was given forms to file for investigation. I am waiting for closure then i will file them and report a couple of people. That is why I need to get theis correct. The judge now decides what happens to her belongings, what is left of them. Blessings dear ray and thank you for staying with me in this effort. Babs. L&P2u
