Drowning
Feelings of desperation and loss.18 total reviews
Comment from penelope
I can see why your story was nominated, ZeeZee. It's extremely moving and ever so sad. What a pity the great love of your life had this addiction. Alcohol ruins many lives. Your repetition of that line about the spaghetti sauce works well here, drives home the point. You sound like such a strong woman. Good luck in the contest. I'm off to read the rest of the entries. Penelope
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2008
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I can see why your story was nominated, ZeeZee. It's extremely moving and ever so sad. What a pity the great love of your life had this addiction. Alcohol ruins many lives. Your repetition of that line about the spaghetti sauce works well here, drives home the point. You sound like such a strong woman. Good luck in the contest. I'm off to read the rest of the entries. Penelope
Comment Written 09-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2008
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Hi Penelope, It was a part of life for me and one that made me stronger.... that which does not kill you, etc. Thanks for reading. ZeeZee
Comment from artsygal
Wow. That was a truly amazing story. It takes a lot of courage to tell such a thing.
Your description really presents a very accurate and sad portrait of the life a couple leads when alcohol is married into it. It provides excellent examples of 'aha moments', after which the reader is sure that you will not make the same mistake of trust again, but then, drawn like a moth to a flame, you've gone back again.
"The spiral was now in full force, like a mighty cyclone, sucking everything down and down into the abyss. We were lost. He called and begged. I cried. He called and begged. I cried. I wished for death. He was dying. Welcome to life in hell." I like the way this section's sentences seem to spiral downward in length, like liquor down a throat.
But this my most favorite paragraph because I have lived it:
"I ask you, have you ever left someone you loved, adored? Have you ever left someone to save them? Have you ever turned your back on someone that you loved while they begged you to stay? I don?t recommend it. The possible result ... a nervous break down." Yup. That's about it.
But out of such pain comes tremendous resiliency and compassion. It's like when people try and cut down daisies, they just grow back more prolifically. You've regenerated and he's degenerated. While you were drinking sunshine, he was sucking up poison. I believe that wherever he is now, he can more clearly envision the tragedy that became of his life and learn from it.
I'm sorry for what you suffered, but richer for what you've shared. Now I realize I am not alone.
Thank you.
Sara
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2008
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Wow. That was a truly amazing story. It takes a lot of courage to tell such a thing.
Your description really presents a very accurate and sad portrait of the life a couple leads when alcohol is married into it. It provides excellent examples of 'aha moments', after which the reader is sure that you will not make the same mistake of trust again, but then, drawn like a moth to a flame, you've gone back again.
"The spiral was now in full force, like a mighty cyclone, sucking everything down and down into the abyss. We were lost. He called and begged. I cried. He called and begged. I cried. I wished for death. He was dying. Welcome to life in hell." I like the way this section's sentences seem to spiral downward in length, like liquor down a throat.
But this my most favorite paragraph because I have lived it:
"I ask you, have you ever left someone you loved, adored? Have you ever left someone to save them? Have you ever turned your back on someone that you loved while they begged you to stay? I don?t recommend it. The possible result ... a nervous break down." Yup. That's about it.
But out of such pain comes tremendous resiliency and compassion. It's like when people try and cut down daisies, they just grow back more prolifically. You've regenerated and he's degenerated. While you were drinking sunshine, he was sucking up poison. I believe that wherever he is now, he can more clearly envision the tragedy that became of his life and learn from it.
I'm sorry for what you suffered, but richer for what you've shared. Now I realize I am not alone.
Thank you.
Sara
Comment Written 05-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2008
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Sara, I am pleased that you were able to understand the pattern, the daisy reference is apt. The harder you try the further away you get. I appreciate this wonderful review that you have sent to me. Thank you and we are not alone.. no we are not. ZeeZee
Comment from marion
Hi zeezeewriter.
What makes your story so good is that it is true. I must congratulate you being a survivor. You must be an incredible hard worker. You can have a job with me in New Zealand if you wish ... no bars, just countryside and animals!! How sad it would have been for you to find out Fred was an alcoholic AFTER you met. If you had known before, perhaps warning bells would have stopped you from moving in with him. But I know, from my own experiences, sometimes you fall so head-over-heals in love that you miss them anyway! What a shame, Fred was finally able to sober up and not be with you ... but I suppose that is 'life'. There are few areas that need tweaking in the story, just to keep it flowing clearly and a small spelling mistake - I workd all night (worked). We are past this stage now, so Good Luck in the competition! I really enjoyed reading this part of your life. Marion.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2008
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Hi zeezeewriter.
What makes your story so good is that it is true. I must congratulate you being a survivor. You must be an incredible hard worker. You can have a job with me in New Zealand if you wish ... no bars, just countryside and animals!! How sad it would have been for you to find out Fred was an alcoholic AFTER you met. If you had known before, perhaps warning bells would have stopped you from moving in with him. But I know, from my own experiences, sometimes you fall so head-over-heals in love that you miss them anyway! What a shame, Fred was finally able to sober up and not be with you ... but I suppose that is 'life'. There are few areas that need tweaking in the story, just to keep it flowing clearly and a small spelling mistake - I workd all night (worked). We are past this stage now, so Good Luck in the competition! I really enjoyed reading this part of your life. Marion.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2008
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Thank You Marion. What does not kill us makes us stronger.. thanks for taking the time to read and leave such a wonderful review message. ZeeZee
Comment from JeffreyStone
Wow! Emotional and riveting. You kept me feeling that I was about to drive over a cliff. Great wrriting. I am honored to be in competition with you for the Story of the Month. Best Regards, Jeffrey Stone
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2008
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Wow! Emotional and riveting. You kept me feeling that I was about to drive over a cliff. Great wrriting. I am honored to be in competition with you for the Story of the Month. Best Regards, Jeffrey Stone
Comment Written 04-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2008
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Thanks Jeffrey Stone, I appreciate your reading and leaving this most generous review. And best regards to you as well. ZeeZee
Comment from Diversion
Well written tragedy...or maybe not a tragedy. You did what you had to do to survive. He did what he had to do, too, he just didn't survive. I am sure this story is reminiscent of many many lives. Thank you for being so willing to be so transparent!
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2008
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Well written tragedy...or maybe not a tragedy. You did what you had to do to survive. He did what he had to do, too, he just didn't survive. I am sure this story is reminiscent of many many lives. Thank you for being so willing to be so transparent!
Comment Written 03-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2008
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HI Donna Epp. I have little memory of writing this. I choice to bury pain. It serves no purpose. But I am honored that it was chosen to be in this monthly contest. It is what it is.. it can be no more. Thanks for reading. ZeeZee
Comment from Cora
Memorable. Well written. The fact that it is a true account will make it haunt me. Thankfully, I've no experience with alcoholism, but reading about that hell teaches me something I need to understand.
The English teacher in me urges me to comment that you need to change "laying" to "empty bottles lying . . .
You need several commas to correct run-on sentences:
We were married within a day of my divorce, and I was . . .
He had so much to say, and I was . . .
You're missing an "e" in I workd all night . . .
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2008
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Memorable. Well written. The fact that it is a true account will make it haunt me. Thankfully, I've no experience with alcoholism, but reading about that hell teaches me something I need to understand.
The English teacher in me urges me to comment that you need to change "laying" to "empty bottles lying . . .
You need several commas to correct run-on sentences:
We were married within a day of my divorce, and I was . . .
He had so much to say, and I was . . .
You're missing an "e" in I workd all night . . .
Comment Written 03-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2008
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Cora, I am here to learn. Let your English teacher nature come to the forefront with me. I need to hear it. I appreciate it much. ZeeZee
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
This is a great piece of
descriptive writing, albeit
so sad.
The story was clearly told
and well presented, making
it easy to follow and read.
Good luck with the contest..
I feel you might have a winner here, my friend.
Margaret.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2008
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This is a great piece of
descriptive writing, albeit
so sad.
The story was clearly told
and well presented, making
it easy to follow and read.
Good luck with the contest..
I feel you might have a winner here, my friend.
Margaret.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2008
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This was a tough write. I did not enjoy it. I is difficult to go back and read. Some wounds never heal. Thanks for reading. ZeeZee
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I can well imagine - ZeeZee,
as I've been there myself,
and was left with three little lads
of 1,4 & 8.
My heart goes out to you.
Take care now,
Margaret.
Comment from EllieKaye
Hi Zeezee,
What a poignant story. I love your view from the outside, making it personal but honest.
I work[e]d all night, he drank all night
Hugs,
Ellie
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2008
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Hi Zeezee,
What a poignant story. I love your view from the outside, making it personal but honest.
I work[e]d all night, he drank all night
Hugs,
Ellie
Comment Written 03-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2008
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Ellie, thanks for commenting and leaving the spaggie fix. This was not a fun write. Thanks for reading. ZeeZee
Comment from jeslaf
I ask you, have you ever left someone you loved, adored? Have you ever left someone to save them? Have you ever turned your back on someone that you loved while they begged you to stay?
Never did it, but considered it? Many times. He's 4 months sober in AA now for the first time in years, and it's been better than the drinking, but still a pain in the ass in its own way, the change...thankfully he supports all of us well and managed to maintain the job thing drunk and sober. He's the boss, so it helps. I did find bottles in the car, garage, house, etc. It's shitty.
Thanks for sharing such a personal piece of your life. I have to say I can see you bartending and waiting tables. You write as one who's seen it all, watched and overheard more than your share, and those two jobs lend themselves to perspective, don't they? This is the first I've read about the shit actually being yours, and I'm grateful for the read. You survived, and I am grateful for that. :)
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2008
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I ask you, have you ever left someone you loved, adored? Have you ever left someone to save them? Have you ever turned your back on someone that you loved while they begged you to stay?
Never did it, but considered it? Many times. He's 4 months sober in AA now for the first time in years, and it's been better than the drinking, but still a pain in the ass in its own way, the change...thankfully he supports all of us well and managed to maintain the job thing drunk and sober. He's the boss, so it helps. I did find bottles in the car, garage, house, etc. It's shitty.
Thanks for sharing such a personal piece of your life. I have to say I can see you bartending and waiting tables. You write as one who's seen it all, watched and overheard more than your share, and those two jobs lend themselves to perspective, don't they? This is the first I've read about the shit actually being yours, and I'm grateful for the read. You survived, and I am grateful for that. :)
Comment Written 19-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2008
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It is a hard struggle I would assume. I never had the opportunity to find out how it would be with him sober. It was what it was. Made me stronger... I guess that is a good thing. I hope all goes well for you and your husband. You will have to learn to respect him again. The loss of respect is what tanked us. Hugs ... and thanks for reading what must have been a tough one for you. ZeeZee
Comment from maxer
Wow, you are a master of the summary [pardon the word, I just cant think of anything else to describe it. Flash fiction?]. I love how you can sum-up events into neat paragraphs that contain such juicy bits of reality based humor, horror and heart brake. A few well chosen verses and you've written what takes me a paragraph.
Im giving you a 5 on this one because I want to give you a six on the other one I just read [I only have 1 more]..
You did mention in one section: ...Many things happened, shit I won?t even tell you about, things too awful to speak of, too embarrassing to say...
Come on, you dont seem a prude, so I WOULD LOVE to hear some of the real nasty shit [or I'd recommend taking that line out, because embarassment doesn't seem have a place in your writing].
Anyway, very entertaining and I cant wait to get thru the rest of your portfolio!
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2008
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Wow, you are a master of the summary [pardon the word, I just cant think of anything else to describe it. Flash fiction?]. I love how you can sum-up events into neat paragraphs that contain such juicy bits of reality based humor, horror and heart brake. A few well chosen verses and you've written what takes me a paragraph.
Im giving you a 5 on this one because I want to give you a six on the other one I just read [I only have 1 more]..
You did mention in one section: ...Many things happened, shit I won?t even tell you about, things too awful to speak of, too embarrassing to say...
Come on, you dont seem a prude, so I WOULD LOVE to hear some of the real nasty shit [or I'd recommend taking that line out, because embarassment doesn't seem have a place in your writing].
Anyway, very entertaining and I cant wait to get thru the rest of your portfolio!
Comment Written 13-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2008
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You are too funny dear. I am hardly ever embarrassed, but can embarrass, if you get my drift. No where will you find the word "Prude" in my list of faults, or attributes.
We shall peruse each other.. (dang, that almost sounds nasty) lol.. Zee
