Murder One
Jury Duty - Is she telling the truth?78 total reviews
Comment from Nate P
This was well written. I did not notice any technical problems. I like how the story unfolded. This had a lot of good details on the characters without taking away from the story. Very nice work.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2009
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This was well written. I did not notice any technical problems. I like how the story unfolded. This had a lot of good details on the characters without taking away from the story. Very nice work.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2009
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Thank you so very much. :-)
Jani
Comment from Jack Burbank
This was very nicely done. Near the end, I picked up on several impossible situations that I was prepared to correct you on, only to have you explain each one away in the last few paragraphs. A very tight story, especially for a contest entry which usually limits your time.
I noted right off in your bio that you "love God", then quickly noted that, although not shying away from adult subjects and reality of life, you contain your language and descriptions. I noticed it because it's exactly what I do. Mystery is my chosen genre and I need to broach the seedy side of life, but my principles preclude the typical language & explicit descriptions so common today. Many agents object to this, so I aplaud you for the way you handle it.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2009
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This was very nicely done. Near the end, I picked up on several impossible situations that I was prepared to correct you on, only to have you explain each one away in the last few paragraphs. A very tight story, especially for a contest entry which usually limits your time.
I noted right off in your bio that you "love God", then quickly noted that, although not shying away from adult subjects and reality of life, you contain your language and descriptions. I noticed it because it's exactly what I do. Mystery is my chosen genre and I need to broach the seedy side of life, but my principles preclude the typical language & explicit descriptions so common today. Many agents object to this, so I aplaud you for the way you handle it.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2009
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Well, thank you so much! A six star review. I am honored to know you considered the story that good. I am so glad you liked it. Yes, I try to stay away from as much explicit language as possible. Most of the time it is not at all necessary.
Many thanks for the six stars. Please forgive me for taking so long to respond to your review.
Jan
Comment from Nescher Pyscher
stunned silence fills the room the moment(after? This isn't quite a complete sentence.) I say, "Not Guilty."
What if she really did get sent out to pick up papers for Dane.(Question mark)
What if she did come home to find Carla bleeding to death in her kitchen and moved the knife out of the way to roll her over and resusitate(resucitate? I'm not sure, either. Got spellcheck on yer computer?) her?
A bit of a stretch, maybe, and some of the plot elemennts are over fictionalized, but I liked it, too. Good luck in the contest! :0)
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2008
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stunned silence fills the room the moment(after? This isn't quite a complete sentence.) I say, "Not Guilty."
What if she really did get sent out to pick up papers for Dane.(Question mark)
What if she did come home to find Carla bleeding to death in her kitchen and moved the knife out of the way to roll her over and resusitate(resucitate? I'm not sure, either. Got spellcheck on yer computer?) her?
A bit of a stretch, maybe, and some of the plot elemennts are over fictionalized, but I liked it, too. Good luck in the contest! :0)
Comment Written 22-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2008
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Thank you so much! I corrected everything you suggested. I don't know how I missed that one (resucitate) but it is correct now. The contest said we only had 1500 words to convince the other eleven members of the jury to change their vote. LOL Thank you so much!
Jani
Comment from LadyMary
Excellent story. Dialogue is well done. Well thought out arguments presented. Particularly enjoyed confrontation with the bull dog juror. Good twist at end. Well meets contest rules. LadyMary
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2008
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Excellent story. Dialogue is well done. Well thought out arguments presented. Particularly enjoyed confrontation with the bull dog juror. Good twist at end. Well meets contest rules. LadyMary
Comment Written 19-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2008
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Thank you so much for the review. I really appreciate it. I am trying to catch up on almost 400 reviews. I have tried to catch up but I'm fighting a losing battle! Please forgive me the carbon-copy response. If you suggested improvements, I have considered them. If you found nits, I have corrected them. You guys bless my heart.
Hugs,
Jan
Comment from Itdoesntmatter
Very good! I love plots like this. It's the dective in me I guess. Your reasoning fit well with the plot line. I felt in the room involved in listening to the discussion.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2008
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Very good! I love plots like this. It's the dective in me I guess. Your reasoning fit well with the plot line. I felt in the room involved in listening to the discussion.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2008
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Thank you so much for the review. I really appreciate it. I am trying to catch up on almost 400 reviews. I have tried to catch up but I'm fighting a losing battle! Please forgive me the carbon-copy response. If you suggested improvements, I have considered them. If you found nits, I have corrected them. You guys bless my heart.
Hugs,
Jan
Comment from ledford
Great job! Very interesting take on this:-)
I like your descriptions. Bulldog adds to the story's interest.
Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2008
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Great job! Very interesting take on this:-)
I like your descriptions. Bulldog adds to the story's interest.
Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 19-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2008
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Thank you so much for the review. I really appreciate it. I am trying to catch up on almost 400 reviews. I have tried to catch up but I'm fighting a losing battle! Please forgive me the carbon-copy response. If you suggested improvements, I have considered them. If you found nits, I have corrected them. You guys bless my heart.
Hugs,
Jan
Comment from Sylvia Page
Should give you six for the manner in which you conducted this in getting the jurors to change their verdict. Very convincingly written.
Just one thing, don't they check backgrounds of who the jurors are?
Good luck and best wishes
Sylvia
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2008
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Should give you six for the manner in which you conducted this in getting the jurors to change their verdict. Very convincingly written.
Just one thing, don't they check backgrounds of who the jurors are?
Good luck and best wishes
Sylvia
Comment Written 19-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2008
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Yes, they do. But this woman has a completely new identity by being in the Witness Protection program. Nothing they could research would connect her to her old life, not name, social security number, place of birth - nothing! :-)
Thanks for the great review!
Jan
Comment from EricMentzer
You must have known Arthur Conen Doyle. This far out does anything that Sherlock Holmes ever did. This is a well thought out mystery. It is an excellent writing given the 1500 word limit. You managed to get everything into the 1500 words. Great Job. Best of luck with the contest.
God Bless,
Eric
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2008
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You must have known Arthur Conen Doyle. This far out does anything that Sherlock Holmes ever did. This is a well thought out mystery. It is an excellent writing given the 1500 word limit. You managed to get everything into the 1500 words. Great Job. Best of luck with the contest.
God Bless,
Eric
Comment Written 19-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2008
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This is indeed an honor. Thank you so much. I don't know Arthur Conen Doyle, but I will now make it my business to find out about him. I can't even tell you how much I appreciate this six-star rating and your kind words. My entry did win the contest. :-)
Thanks again!
Jan
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This is indeed an honor. Thank you so much. I don't know Arthur Conen Doyle, but I will now make it my business to find out about him. I can't even tell you how much I appreciate this six-star rating and your kind words. My entry did win the contest. :-)
Thanks again!
Jan
PS Ah-ha! The author of Sherlock Holmes! What a compliment this is. Thank you!
Comment from NightWriter
Wow! "Murder One" was a wild and captivating ride I enjoyed from first to last word. Well done! Bravo! I found only one area for concern. It is on this line ...
"Why not call 911? Wait for an ambulance?"
Maybe it would read better if the person speaking was identified first, like ... Mark, Juror Number One asked, "Why not call 911? Wait for an ambulance?"
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2008
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Wow! "Murder One" was a wild and captivating ride I enjoyed from first to last word. Well done! Bravo! I found only one area for concern. It is on this line ...
"Why not call 911? Wait for an ambulance?"
Maybe it would read better if the person speaking was identified first, like ... Mark, Juror Number One asked, "Why not call 911? Wait for an ambulance?"
Comment Written 18-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2008
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Thank you so much for the review. I really appreciate it. I am trying to catch up on almost 400 reviews. I have tried to catch up but I'm fighting a losing battle! Please forgive me the carbon-copy response. If you suggested improvements, I have considered them. If you found nits, I have corrected them. Some of you wonderful people will be receiving more than one of these, because you review my work so often. You guys bless my heart.
Hugs,
Jan
Comment from Teri7
Jan, You really did a good job on this contest entry. You used very descriptive wording and very good diaoog. This looks like a winner to me. Good luck. Hugs, Teri
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2008
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Jan, You really did a good job on this contest entry. You used very descriptive wording and very good diaoog. This looks like a winner to me. Good luck. Hugs, Teri
Comment Written 18-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2008
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Thank you so much for the review. I really appreciate it. I am trying to catch up on almost 400 reviews. I have tried to catch up but I'm fighting a losing battle! Please forgive me the carbon-copy response. If you suggested improvements, I have considered them. If you found nits, I have corrected them. Some of you wonderful people will be receiving more than one of these, because you review my work so often. You guys bless my heart.
Hugs,
Jan