Comment from AlvinTEthington

Excellent

You capture well both the seriousness and the insanity of the Berkeley Free Speech Movement. The twist at the end is quite amusing. The story flows very well and is quite compact.

 Comment Written 03-Mar-2010

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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2010

Thank you. As a Cal grad and the son of a Marine, I tried my best to stay in the middle for this story.

Comment from spellbound

Excellent

This is great. Wonderful description. A man true to his calling.

I do have one recommendation the Marines have decided on an answer to your request--maybe consider something similar to this -We have reached a decision to your request

I think stating we gives the sentence and decision more power.

My favorite sentences-In his finest Drill Sergeant voice and with joy in his heart, Gus barked out,

HELL NO, WE WON'T GO!

Your disclaimer is also a great addition.

 Comment Written 14-Feb-2009

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reply by the author on 14-Feb-2009

Thanks. I had trouble all along with that sentence! I'll mull over your suggestion! Somewhere is the right wording.

Now if you want a true story about a Marine, then check out my 'Folded Red White and Blue.'
Also 'Mixed Signals' about my Pop's somber recollection, as well as a funny incident from the Korean War.

reply by spellbound on 16-Feb-2009

Thank you. I enjoyed both.

Comment from DecrepitOldBag

Excellent

Beautifully descriptive piece of writing which characterized the Sergeant really well. I am impressed by your attention to detail. It strikes me that you must have some knowledge of military uniform to be able to achieve this. I particularly liked the description of the crowds. No faults, nothing to criticize at all. Great job.
All the best.
Kat

 Comment Written 14-Feb-2009

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reply by the author on 14-Feb-2009

Thanks! It was afun write.

reply by the author on 14-Feb-2009

Thanks, it was a fun write. Now, for a true story about a Marine, read my 'Folded Red White and Blue' or 'Mixed Signals' in my portfolio.

Comment from prodigal

Excellent

Marines shop at the PX not BX. Very funny story and it sounds about par for the course for a Marine Sgt. I always found it ironic that ordinary citizens had the audacity to protest those who provided them with the freedom to do so. Well written.

 Comment Written 13-Feb-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Feb-2009

OOOOPS. Over here in the Central Valley, our soldiers have to travel to Travis Air Base. I suppose there is still a Post Exchange somewhere in the Bay Area! Good catch. This actually was published by Art & Prose magazine before they folded. So, I am happy a few jarheads might have been able to see it. I kept the publication copyright, so Fanstory said I could post this here.

reply by the author on 14-Feb-2009

for a true story of a Marine, read 'Folded Red White and Blue' or also 'Mixed Signals' in my portfolio.

Comment from bluefly

Excellent

Hi foxtale,
I really enjoy your writing. You have a smooth, comfortable style that reads easily and holds my interest throughout.
No SPAG that I noticed. Just a couple of nits for your consideration:
1. Glancing around((comma)) Gus saw each group had been sequestered in its own spot by the Berkeley police.
2. His heart was pounding, for Gus knew that what he was about to say would make him a legend from Parris Island to Camp Pendleton. ((This sentence is fine as is. I think it may be a bit stronger with a period after "pounding" and dropping the "for". Like I said, OK as is, just a suggestion.
Overall, a well written piece that I enjoyed reading.
Scott

 Comment Written 09-Feb-2009

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reply by the author on 09-Feb-2009

Thanks. Yes, a fun write. The piece works with those that recall the anti-war chant of the sixties/seventies.

reply by the author on 14-Feb-2009

for a true story of a Marine, read my 'Folded Red White and Blue' or 'Mixed Signals' in my portfolio.

Comment from LexieMannix

Excellent

Ahh, democracy! That was a fun write, I enjoyed it. Could not have even guessed it till the very end, no idea where it was going; I love that.

Lexie

 Comment Written 09-Feb-2009

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reply by the author on 09-Feb-2009

Thanks. Yes, a fun write. The piece works with those that recall the anti-war chant of the sixties/seventies.

reply by the author on 14-Feb-2009

p.s. for a true story of a Marine, read my 'Folded Red White and Blue' or 'Mixed Signals' in my portfolio.

Comment from Brian S. Pratt

Excellent

From just beyond the police sawhorse barricades(,) a crescendo of jeers and

Beyond them(,) the Feed The Earth Pullets Not Bullets protestors screamed

the crowd. His heart (pounded)was pounding, for

good narrative. thought it very well done. just a couple spag for your consideration.

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2009

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reply by the author on 12-Jan-2009

thanks. Usually I use too many commas, but you did catch these i should have used. For a more somber story read my "Folder Red White and Blue"

reply by the author on 08-Feb-2009

geeze, I did it again. That should be FOLDED red White and Blue.

Comment from lizperkins

Excellent

Clever and pithy and a nice twist at the end. Liked the monikers you attached to all of the protestors. Have sort of a dry sense of humor going on there. EL

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009

Thanks.
Dykes on Bikes was taken, so I had to invent my own moniker. But there really is 'the naked guy' who only wears one item strategically placed on his body. The street protests in Berkeley are definitely unique and I wanted to portray that. p.s. The Marines did decide to stay put. And my article (This appeared in Art & Prose before its demise) was faxed to them.

reply by the author on 14-Jan-2009

You might like my 'Buzz Cut', or 'Broomstick Bazooka' stories for humor, or 'Folded Red White and Blue' for a true more somber look at a Marine Sergeant

Comment from Sissy Holly Grace

Excellent

Plenty of character analysed into this character. That has got to be the strength in this. There is a sense of importance and was written a very proffesional way. well worth reading.

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009

Thanks.
I tried to portray what would have happened, I think, if the USMC let the sergeants speak their mind. I also wanted to portray the hubbub of a Berkeley protest. they are unique!
You might like my 'Buzz Cut', or 'Broomstick Bazooka' stories for humor, or 'Folded Red White and Blue' for a true more somber look at a Marine Sergeant.

Comment from Stuart7

Excellent

You really took this idea and

ran with it. Great fun great humour

an a lovely ending. I truly enjoyed

your work. Regards Stuart.

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009

Thanks.
I tried to portray what would have happened, I think, if the USMC let the sergeants speak their mind. I also wanted to portray the hubbub of a Berkeley protest. they are unique!
You might like my 'Buzz Cut', or 'Broomstick Bazooka' stories for humor, or 'Folded Red White and Blue' for a true more somber look at a Marine Sergeant.