The Cyber Space Garden
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Flowers on Satellite Callisto"The garden of peaceful serenity and beauty,
5 total reviews
Comment from madhilde
Hi Lynar,
huh, I've never really given much thought to Science Fiction poetry before. It's rather a different experience. I get SciFi & Fantasy Magazine, but they don't really do it either. I hope there's a market out there for you. Good job!
Mad
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2008
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Hi Lynar,
huh, I've never really given much thought to Science Fiction poetry before. It's rather a different experience. I get SciFi & Fantasy Magazine, but they don't really do it either. I hope there's a market out there for you. Good job!
Mad
Comment Written 23-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2008
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Humble Thanks, madhide
Comment from Myrl's World
Dear Lynar, You certainly have a colorful imagination and a great sense for your words. I could have read more;( not a complaint) because it was so interesting. Great piece of work. Give us more. Peace,
Dennis
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2008
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Dear Lynar, You certainly have a colorful imagination and a great sense for your words. I could have read more;( not a complaint) because it was so interesting. Great piece of work. Give us more. Peace,
Dennis
Comment Written 23-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2008
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Humble Thanks, Mryl's World
Comment from Rosy O'Grey
Hello, Lynar.
This is my first look at your efforts.
The colors of blue and yellow are used well here.
(HINT: Hit the ENTER KEY at least once to put mores space ABOVE your poem in the edit text box. Do it again, twice after the last line. This will eliminate that cramped format that you have now.
See my two poems, Angst, and Saga Of The Bear.)
You are well into this story, it seems. Your drama and suspense are poetic and tense--at first. This could be good for this style of story telling.
The long sentences leave me breathless. They also lower the readability of your work.
Also, in that second stanza, the "I
made sure..."
is awkward to read. Move that languishing "I" down to the second line, please.
You almost have a rhyme with "Shook-up" and "hooked-up" here. Either use it well, or edit. It is awkward to read as is.
I am not quite sure what your aim is. Are you dwelling on the artistic florals of the space station, or trying to kill the suspense of the first stanza?
Good luck with your work.
Rosy
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2008
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Hello, Lynar.
This is my first look at your efforts.
The colors of blue and yellow are used well here.
(HINT: Hit the ENTER KEY at least once to put mores space ABOVE your poem in the edit text box. Do it again, twice after the last line. This will eliminate that cramped format that you have now.
See my two poems, Angst, and Saga Of The Bear.)
You are well into this story, it seems. Your drama and suspense are poetic and tense--at first. This could be good for this style of story telling.
The long sentences leave me breathless. They also lower the readability of your work.
Also, in that second stanza, the "I
made sure..."
is awkward to read. Move that languishing "I" down to the second line, please.
You almost have a rhyme with "Shook-up" and "hooked-up" here. Either use it well, or edit. It is awkward to read as is.
I am not quite sure what your aim is. Are you dwelling on the artistic florals of the space station, or trying to kill the suspense of the first stanza?
Good luck with your work.
Rosy
Comment Written 23-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2008
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My poems in this book is a mind adventure. I have not used true rhyme but slant. I take a trip into space with my mind, with flowers. I have reworked the long sentence structure. I was doing revisions when this review was in progress. I do thank you for your suggestions.
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Do you know about PREVIEW MODE?
It took me a few times entering things before I realized it was there at the bottom as a choice.
This system offers a lot of options, we just have to learn to use them.
Take a good look a nor84's helpful hints at the very bottom of her portfolio list. She is a wise lady. She is also very familiar with this site.
Good luck,
Rosy
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Thanks, Rosey
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You are welcome.
Rosy
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I will look at preview mode, thanks, Rose
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Trust me, it will save you a good deal of angst.
I got three reviews on a short story while desperately editing out the gremlins that pasting into this site caused. Did you know that a double dash translates into a quote mark here?
Drives me nuts!
Good luck.
Rosy
Comment from Annmuma
We all need a break and chance to re-focus. Thanks for the reminder and the glimpse of a peaceful state of mind. Good job. ann
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2008
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We all need a break and chance to re-focus. Thanks for the reminder and the glimpse of a peaceful state of mind. Good job. ann
Comment Written 23-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2008
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Thanks, Ammuma
Comment from RaymondJohn
If you want a passenger, I'll be happy to go with you. I'm very tired of the greed and short-sightedness of humanity on earth. Of course, we'll bring our stupidity with us no matter where we go. Fine story. Best wishes. Ray.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2008
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If you want a passenger, I'll be happy to go with you. I'm very tired of the greed and short-sightedness of humanity on earth. Of course, we'll bring our stupidity with us no matter where we go. Fine story. Best wishes. Ray.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2008
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Thanks, I am so glad you enjoyed this break.