The Face of Suffering
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Hottest Day"Criminal neglect
4 total reviews
Comment from Peggy Nuckles
Barb, Here is my first review. () means a space is needed. If youhave any questions call me at 909-2896.
Peggy
I feel sick. My stomach hurts and I can't sleep. I did the hardest thing I have ever done in my life today. My daughter looked at me and said, "You just made the biggest mistake in your life and signed my death certificate." as they led her away in handcuffs.
At times like this I seem to need to write. Like when my wee girl dog died, I wrote, trying to siphon off some of the pain. This site is where I keep my portfolio of life so here Is (is) where I write. I am here again to write off pain. My heart is in a knot, yet leaking blood. I can almost taste it.
I kind of set up the culmination of the situation of this day out of pure desperation. For a couple of days ago I quit getting food and bottled water for my daughter who lives in the apartment next to me. She is quite ill, both physically and mentally. I did this in the hopes it would make her go out and buy her own supplies. Do anything to help herself. It didn't work.
Usually Patti would go out on payday or soon after to stock-up on supplies. She is on disability and payday is once a month. This month she didn't and my concern grew. I should have known as it was only three day(s) untill (until) my birthday and she always went shopping then.
She had too much pride to ask for anything and I couldn't figure out what was going on in her head. She is quite good at manipulation also. It was hard to know if she was being stubborn and waiting me out or what her thinking was. She knows I am a softy. She is totally capable of taking care of herself, but won't. Over the last three years she has become increasingly and severly (severely) paranoid.
She also has (had) melanoma which she refuses (refused) to go back to a doctor about since it was diagnosed a year and a half ago. She insisted the surgeon who removed the original mole, put something in the wound and wouldn't go back to the doctor, or see the oncologist she referred her to. She said the surgeon shined her on (led her on) about an additional lump under her arm close to her breast. She hasn't (hadn't) seen a doctor since. I have felt that lump grow and felt an additional lump growing next to the original surgery site.
When Patti didn't go out on Sunday, I finally broke down and called to see if she had water and food. She told me she had some beans and several bottles of water. I had half of a pain pill left from a recent script and she asked for it. I went and bought her enough food to last until Monday and a large bottle of diet coke. I have(,) over the last two summers(,) given her four different fans as she won't use A/C because of a belief the vents are being poisoned. Two of the fans she isn't using because they needed cleaned and she said she didn't need them yet. The other two were new this year so I guess they were alright for her to use.
It was very,very hotthis (hot this) Sunday afternoon. I became more and more concered (concerned). She had been sick the day before and told me she was up all night again throwing up. I called my sister,(. S) she told me to tell her to turn on the A/C or else. I had (delete had) told my sister I was thinking of calling the police to see if something could be done. I needed to see if she was alright and to get her help. In the past I was always told I couldn't do anything unless she threatened herself or someone else. She has made vague statements, but nothing spacific (specific) . I felt at this time I had to take advantage of the heat situation to maybe finally get her help. She said she was alright when I gave her the ultimatum. I felt strongly I had to act then and not wait longer.
I called the police department and asked if they could come out as I was concerned she might be dehydrated or have other heat problems. They gave me the number of the patrol division. The patrol operator said they would send an ambulance as well as officers. About four patrol cars showed up and an ambulance stood by. That was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I said alright to them coming for my little girl.
The rest she did herself. She talked her usual crazy talk even saying they were from Mars amongst other things. I,(no comma) was being channeled by "them." Them being almost anyone at some time or other.
She is given to calling almost everyone tweekers or thiefs (thieves). She yelled something at the police as they pulled up and locked her door. I had warned them she probably would do that(.) They talked to her through the front window, trying to get her to open the door.
"Patti, open the door. We just want to check to see if you are not suffering from the heat."
They conversed with her for several minutes. I even talked with her and pleaded for her to unlock the door so they could see if she was ok (okay). I told her they would break in the door if it became necessary. I don't think she believed they would go to that extent.
Patti talked her own way into the hospital herself in the ending (end). They broke down the door and led her out in handcuffs. They told me that was only as a precaution. I informend (informed) them she isn't violent. Quite the opposite, she was crying.
Oh My God! What that did to my heart is indescribable.
I can (could) only pray it would bring about the help she so desperatly (desperately) needs (needed). I told the police she had cancer and that was my main concern.
They told me they were taking my daughter to a certain hospital in the Kansas City area as we live in a small collage town an hour away. I signed the papers in good faith beleaving (believing) help was finally here.
The neighbors were all out sitting across the drive in our little quad.(comma instead of period. Do not capitalize lined) Lined in front of one apartment in chairs like a movie theatre (theater). I wanted to take them popcorn. My sister said it is just human nature and I suppose it is, but it just added to the horror. It is human nature to be curious, but not to sit and stare as if watching a movie and gossiping.
One nice Lady, who is a friend came over after the police left. I thanked her as she gave me a hug. I realized later she was mostly after information.
When a social worker called from the emergancy (emergency) room of the major mental hospital, it was the first I learned where my daughter was taken. I made it a point to let them know to check out the cancer. I was told I (had) to go to court to see what I needed to do to futher (further) protect her. Sometimes, with someone who has a metal problem they write complaints off as being of a hypochondriacal nature.
I'm writing this to tell the story of the horrors and pain my daughter suffered the next two months leading to her death. ()It is more a journal of her suffering and the state of our world for (t)he underdog. It will be put into a book detailing, to the best of my memory and from notes I took, pictures taken, the frustration, pain, anger, but also love and a joining together of hearts this journey brought about.
I had to do this dasterdly (dastardly) thing. I am her mother. No-one else could or would be able to do it. No matter how many times people told me I did the right thing, it didn't erase the pain or guilt I felt.()I had to take advantage of the heat. Nothing else had worked before.()I only wish I had thought of it years before. I believe strongly now, everything happens for a reason and I have to hold tight to that lifeline.
There are times I feel it was all a nightmare, a hedious (hideous) nightmare. Then I see the empty place where you lived and the farther away from the day of your death, the more real it becomes and the pain swamps me again.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2008
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Barb, Here is my first review. () means a space is needed. If youhave any questions call me at 909-2896.
Peggy
I feel sick. My stomach hurts and I can't sleep. I did the hardest thing I have ever done in my life today. My daughter looked at me and said, "You just made the biggest mistake in your life and signed my death certificate." as they led her away in handcuffs.
At times like this I seem to need to write. Like when my wee girl dog died, I wrote, trying to siphon off some of the pain. This site is where I keep my portfolio of life so here Is (is) where I write. I am here again to write off pain. My heart is in a knot, yet leaking blood. I can almost taste it.
I kind of set up the culmination of the situation of this day out of pure desperation. For a couple of days ago I quit getting food and bottled water for my daughter who lives in the apartment next to me. She is quite ill, both physically and mentally. I did this in the hopes it would make her go out and buy her own supplies. Do anything to help herself. It didn't work.
Usually Patti would go out on payday or soon after to stock-up on supplies. She is on disability and payday is once a month. This month she didn't and my concern grew. I should have known as it was only three day(s) untill (until) my birthday and she always went shopping then.
She had too much pride to ask for anything and I couldn't figure out what was going on in her head. She is quite good at manipulation also. It was hard to know if she was being stubborn and waiting me out or what her thinking was. She knows I am a softy. She is totally capable of taking care of herself, but won't. Over the last three years she has become increasingly and severly (severely) paranoid.
She also has (had) melanoma which she refuses (refused) to go back to a doctor about since it was diagnosed a year and a half ago. She insisted the surgeon who removed the original mole, put something in the wound and wouldn't go back to the doctor, or see the oncologist she referred her to. She said the surgeon shined her on (led her on) about an additional lump under her arm close to her breast. She hasn't (hadn't) seen a doctor since. I have felt that lump grow and felt an additional lump growing next to the original surgery site.
When Patti didn't go out on Sunday, I finally broke down and called to see if she had water and food. She told me she had some beans and several bottles of water. I had half of a pain pill left from a recent script and she asked for it. I went and bought her enough food to last until Monday and a large bottle of diet coke. I have(,) over the last two summers(,) given her four different fans as she won't use A/C because of a belief the vents are being poisoned. Two of the fans she isn't using because they needed cleaned and she said she didn't need them yet. The other two were new this year so I guess they were alright for her to use.
It was very,very hotthis (hot this) Sunday afternoon. I became more and more concered (concerned). She had been sick the day before and told me she was up all night again throwing up. I called my sister,(. S) she told me to tell her to turn on the A/C or else. I had (delete had) told my sister I was thinking of calling the police to see if something could be done. I needed to see if she was alright and to get her help. In the past I was always told I couldn't do anything unless she threatened herself or someone else. She has made vague statements, but nothing spacific (specific) . I felt at this time I had to take advantage of the heat situation to maybe finally get her help. She said she was alright when I gave her the ultimatum. I felt strongly I had to act then and not wait longer.
I called the police department and asked if they could come out as I was concerned she might be dehydrated or have other heat problems. They gave me the number of the patrol division. The patrol operator said they would send an ambulance as well as officers. About four patrol cars showed up and an ambulance stood by. That was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I said alright to them coming for my little girl.
The rest she did herself. She talked her usual crazy talk even saying they were from Mars amongst other things. I,(no comma) was being channeled by "them." Them being almost anyone at some time or other.
She is given to calling almost everyone tweekers or thiefs (thieves). She yelled something at the police as they pulled up and locked her door. I had warned them she probably would do that(.) They talked to her through the front window, trying to get her to open the door.
"Patti, open the door. We just want to check to see if you are not suffering from the heat."
They conversed with her for several minutes. I even talked with her and pleaded for her to unlock the door so they could see if she was ok (okay). I told her they would break in the door if it became necessary. I don't think she believed they would go to that extent.
Patti talked her own way into the hospital herself in the ending (end). They broke down the door and led her out in handcuffs. They told me that was only as a precaution. I informend (informed) them she isn't violent. Quite the opposite, she was crying.
Oh My God! What that did to my heart is indescribable.
I can (could) only pray it would bring about the help she so desperatly (desperately) needs (needed). I told the police she had cancer and that was my main concern.
They told me they were taking my daughter to a certain hospital in the Kansas City area as we live in a small collage town an hour away. I signed the papers in good faith beleaving (believing) help was finally here.
The neighbors were all out sitting across the drive in our little quad.(comma instead of period. Do not capitalize lined) Lined in front of one apartment in chairs like a movie theatre (theater). I wanted to take them popcorn. My sister said it is just human nature and I suppose it is, but it just added to the horror. It is human nature to be curious, but not to sit and stare as if watching a movie and gossiping.
One nice Lady, who is a friend came over after the police left. I thanked her as she gave me a hug. I realized later she was mostly after information.
When a social worker called from the emergancy (emergency) room of the major mental hospital, it was the first I learned where my daughter was taken. I made it a point to let them know to check out the cancer. I was told I (had) to go to court to see what I needed to do to futher (further) protect her. Sometimes, with someone who has a metal problem they write complaints off as being of a hypochondriacal nature.
I'm writing this to tell the story of the horrors and pain my daughter suffered the next two months leading to her death. ()It is more a journal of her suffering and the state of our world for (t)he underdog. It will be put into a book detailing, to the best of my memory and from notes I took, pictures taken, the frustration, pain, anger, but also love and a joining together of hearts this journey brought about.
I had to do this dasterdly (dastardly) thing. I am her mother. No-one else could or would be able to do it. No matter how many times people told me I did the right thing, it didn't erase the pain or guilt I felt.()I had to take advantage of the heat. Nothing else had worked before.()I only wish I had thought of it years before. I believe strongly now, everything happens for a reason and I have to hold tight to that lifeline.
There are times I feel it was all a nightmare, a hedious (hideous) nightmare. Then I see the empty place where you lived and the farther away from the day of your death, the more real it becomes and the pain swamps me again.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2008
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Thank you so much Peggy. I was able to copy and paste so I can get to it after the holiday. I hope yours is as good as it can be under the circumstances. I's nice to have your sis here too. Blessings. L&P2u
Comment from Nicky B
I want you to do me a favor. I am posting something very important to me in three or so days. I wrote it for many reasons. You were among them. I know that these words were channeled to me.
This post was heartbreaking and yet so beautifully written. You are really at your best when things are bad. Believe me this is the greatest compliment I can give you. I will be more than happy to buy your book.
God bless you Ma.
Nick.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2008
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I want you to do me a favor. I am posting something very important to me in three or so days. I wrote it for many reasons. You were among them. I know that these words were channeled to me.
This post was heartbreaking and yet so beautifully written. You are really at your best when things are bad. Believe me this is the greatest compliment I can give you. I will be more than happy to buy your book.
God bless you Ma.
Nick.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2008
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Hi Son. I hope I did the right one. It is beautiful. Blessings love. L&P2u
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
informend>>>> informed
I can tell why you have to come here to write this it must have been hard to do so but I hope in doing so it relieves the pain for you a little a very strong emotional piece I admire your courage and strength regards Fuller
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2008
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informend>>>> informed
I can tell why you have to come here to write this it must have been hard to do so but I hope in doing so it relieves the pain for you a little a very strong emotional piece I admire your courage and strength regards Fuller
Comment Written 26-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2008
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Why Fuller? because i'm such a poor writer? LOL. thank you so much dear lady. Blessings. L&P2u
Comment from ewok_109
I like the subject matter and it feels as though it could be an interesting work! (when finished!!)
Mild and pedantic criticism,
When a social worker called from the emergancy room of the major mental hospital, it was the first I learned where my daughter was taken.
I just feel as though some of the sentences feel like they are in 'draft form'. Doesn't seem complete somehow...
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2008
|
I like the subject matter and it feels as though it could be an interesting work! (when finished!!)
Mild and pedantic criticism,
When a social worker called from the emergancy room of the major mental hospital, it was the first I learned where my daughter was taken.
I just feel as though some of the sentences feel like they are in 'draft form'. Doesn't seem complete somehow...
Comment Written 26-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2008
-
Thank you ewok. Blessings. L&P2u
